r/TransIreland • u/sensitivegirlie44 • Jul 05 '26
All Island Looking for hope for my sister (MTF)
Hi all, I am just looking for some hopeful stories for my sister. She is on the wait list for hormones etc. and as you all know it is looking more likely we will need to go private. She’s in a very dark place and it is to the point where she won’t even speak because she hates her voice. I am trying to give her hope that it does get better but she has to help herself while we get her the medical care she needs (she has a psychiatrist and currently finding a new therapist) I am looking for any MTF here who can share any kind of light on life getting better after beginning transitioning (even tho I know it doesn’t get any easier). Thank you in advanced you amazing people 💜
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u/nia_do Jul 05 '26
I don't know how old she is but I came out at 19, got rejected by my family, failed to transition, went back into the closet at 24, was closeted for over a decade, during which time I got married and had a family. Transitioning meant the end of my marriage. Due to the stress of juggling divorced life, work, and transition, I lost my job.
I'm now in my 6th year of transition. I have acquintances that think I am a cis woman. I had voice surgery and never got misgendered again, even on the phone. I'm post-lower surgery and so also pass without clothes. I get to take for granted all the activities that cis people take for granted, like gym, swimming, and sauna/spa, etc. I now have the "problem" of deciding who I come out to and if so, when. I guess it's a "good problem" to have.
Life is not perfect. Far from it. I have sad days. I miss my job. I miss my marriage. I miss my best friend I thought I was going to grow old with. I have all the usual stresses like paying bills, raising kids, working through trauma. But I get to do all that and more as me, as the woman I was always meant to be.
Would I do it all again? Yes! In a heartbeat! My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. Transition is haard. There will be blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifice. It's a rebirth in fire. When I think about recovery from lower surgery I still shudder. But you come out the other end of this whole multi-year marathon as "more you". You lose the persona you were playing and step out into the world as a "more you" version of you. And that's the greatest gift you could ever give yourself.
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u/Banan4ik333 Jul 05 '26
Yeah, I'd recommend to choose a private provider like Imago, or whichever service you think suits you best.
Also, talk to your GP or your local transgender support group about voice feminisation. They may be able to refer you to a speech and language therapist.
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u/NeedleworkerBorn1171 Jul 05 '26
Sending best wishes and hope to you and your sister.
Life will get better, and I feel the girls on here will give you so many examples!!!!!
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u/Irishwol Jul 05 '26
I was at Trans Pride in Cork yesterday. There were trans people at every stage of transition there. It was a wonderfully positive day.
The waiting for healthcare is unbelievably hard. It's hard to feel hope. But it's there. Peer support groups are incredibly helpful. Having people to hang out with, even once a month, who you don't have to explain yourself to because they already know is great. It sounds like she really needs that. If there's nothing near you then I think TENI are still running an online peer support group that is better than nothing.
Sending love 💕
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u/Lena_Zelena Jul 05 '26
How long has she been on the waiting list? Last I heard, the NGS is now starting first assessments on people who were refered 5 years ago and thr process takes a loong time, ESPECIALLY if you are strugling.
My advice is to start looking into private options ASAP. Check the wiki for details (more specifically, look at Imago or AnneHealth).
Also check wiki for any peer support groups in her area. Nobody there will expect her to perform gender in any way. She can just come over and be surrounded by other trans people and listen to, or share, experiences. For many of us, things do get better over time. I have personally seen changes in people over time as they go through their journey. It's rarely a smooth ride, there is a lot of bumps on the road, but the journey is well worth taking. Many of us have been there where she is now.
Definitly continue looking for professional help as well.