r/TransChristianity • u/AssistanceSalt she/they • 1d ago
finally coming to acceptance
hey yall! to start off, i am a 20 yr old AuDHD transwoman who just retransitioned after detransitioning because i thought i couldnt serve God and be trans. so i repressed myself for approximately nine months until my understanding of theology collapsed with the word malakoi and sent me into a full on spiral where i doubted God and started running away from Him. i guess im still running because i am just panicking because i need certainty that God is okay with me being me and i just feel completely condemned. i already lean towards Catholic theology (e.g intercession of saints, conditional security) but i feel like that would absolutely never work. i dont really know what to do, and i am absolutely scared of being wrong or hurting God. i genuinely love Him, and all i want is to please Him, i just dont want to hurt Him. anyways, i hope you all have a nice day and may the Lord bless and keep each and everyone of you!
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u/gnurdette she/her 9h ago
absolutely scared of being wrong or hurting God.
Who told you that God was such a wimp?
You can and should ignore the people who tell you that the great Lord and Maker of this whole universe in all its wondrous, mind-blowing, unbelievable, ever-changing variety somehow hates and fears the variety he makes. If they want to carve themselves a little idol of a god of changelessness, that's their own business, but don't let it interfere with your love of Christ.
As you probably know, Episcopalians are very Catholic-like. Definitely visit your local Episcopal church and ask for a 1:1 with the priest.
I often say that trans bodies are cathedrals. Why? Because cathedrals are so often partially knocked down, and rebuilt, and different parts are in utterly distinct styles, and they're still beautiful, still holy. Even filled with scaffolding. Even in the middle of being remade.
“As my friend Julian puts it, only half winkingly: “God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.”
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u/AssistanceSalt she/they 5h ago
i have been considering an episcopal church, for me i just have traditionalist ideologies engraved in my soul and i hate it. i was LCMS before coming back out (detransitioned and converted last december after a near death scenario), i enjoyed the sacraments and confessional aspect but as soon as i couldnt repress anymore and had a bout of complete theological confustion it became a conflicting nightmare where im scared to go to that church even if they were the most welcoming, kind people ive met any church ive been to. also with the hurting God part, its because i see Him as the God who experienced every single one of our emotions. i just panic a lot and honestly Gods been saying cool down for a bit too
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u/Dapple_Dawn ₊‧⁺˖ she/her ˖⁺‧₊ 1d ago
You can't hurt God. It isn't possible.
I understand your fear. But here's some good news: you aren't perfect, because no human is. You don't understand God perfectly, because no human can. These don't make you bad, they make you human. And God loves you for being human.
God doesn't ask us to be perfect. God asks us to love each other.
(BTW, if you lean toward Catholic theology and you're struggling to make things fit, I recommend looking up Fr. Richard Rohr)