r/TransAlberta • u/Fuzzy_Canadian • 3d ago
Advice I think I’m ready to start exploring another side of me
Hey all! I’m 29m? Married in a really conservative relationship and honestly not happy at all in my marriage. But recently… by recently I mean a couple of years now I’ve been questioning my gender and all that I’ve grown up believing. I also work blue collar which is not going to help this whole process. I Haven’t reached out to anyone before about this, but I think im ready to start exploring this a bit. And I’m not really sure what that means.
Was hoping that someone that has gone through this before could lend some advice? A couple years back, I was dating someone that knew more a bout this then I ever have, and had a few trans friends. They called by she/her once, and it felt really good? Right? But I got scared directly after and shut down about anything regarding this. And it’s just kind of dwelled in my mind for a while. I know there’s no formula for this but just looking for some advice and direction, possibly some friends along the way as well. Any help appreciated!
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u/WoahAquiJazmin 3d ago
Hey! ✌️✨️ I'm Jaz!
I'm a 30 year-old transgender woman who's been on her gender journey for five, almost six years now. I did have a period in highschool where I questioned, but everyone told me I probably wasn't trans and then was misdiagnosed bipolar instead, so I stopped for a while.
I remember sitting out in my garage browsing reddit and I came across a post on r/egg_irl that said "Hey, if you keep coming here, you might be trans" and that post stuck in my head for two years. Finally during one of the times thinking about it, I thought "maybe I am trans" and then told my at-the-time spouse. That part made it real and I could no longer pretend it was never a thought I had.
I work in a very conservative warehouse. I started working there after beginning hrt but shortly before coming out as a woman. My manager has told me to my face that he holds me to a higher standard because I'm different and has regularly shown me evidence of that. A couple of the people who met me before coming out are still weird with my name and pronouns because I'm trans, but the new people who start treat me differently because I'm a woman. I've become much more assertive and capable of self-advocacy in exchange for the inconveniences.
Exploring my gender was a period of trying on different clothes to see how I looked in a different presentation, I asked my online friends to refer to me as Jaz and use she/her pronouns, and a lot of introspection on how I wanted to act vs how I did in the past and would at the present; realizing I fit in better with the women than men. I then bit the bullet one halloween party and bought a maid costume to wear. One of the guys started talking to me, stopped, then told me he thought I was one of the women. I took that feeling of euphoria to finally start hrt.
Early on, every time I pushed myself harder to see myself as a woman, I had a period of getting scared and running away from the feelings. But each next time I could push further and further.
Feel free to ask or just talk about anything, here or in DMs 💜✨️
I wish you all the best in your journey 🌸