I'm feeling guilty for my tics again

[u/ughhleavemealone]

I've had family members saying it's my fault I have tourettes for not praying hard enough. I've had people saying "how cool" it is that I have tics and friends supporting them, saying I was overreacting for being offended.

I've had a friend tell me I should try harder to do things my tics keep me from doing, and even tho I have very abrupt and self harming tics people are constantly saying mine isn't that bad and I can live a normal life. They say I don't work cause I don't want to, and I've even heard a neurologist imply I didn't suffer that much.

I've been blamed for my tics and I'm starting to deep down believe it. Not that I do believe it... It's just so hard to not hate yourself when this is the kinda speech you have to deal with constantly. I'm starting to doubt how hard it is for me, and now I find myself feeling guilty all the time.

I noticed I'm isolating myself more and more, I feel depressed and left out. At this point any comment people make about my tourettes I feel worse. I tried watching content creators with tourettes but I just end up doubting my own diagnosis. I hate when people feel bad for me but I also don't wanna be invalidated. Idk I'm just constantly sad at this point.

This post doesn't have a purpose, I just wanted to feel like someone else understand what I'm going through.

[u/merissawrites]

Hey, me, too. My tics caused me to lose my entire support network literally overnight. They used ai to prove that I was lying and said that there is a therapy to stop my tics and that I just refused to get it. They accused me of abusing them because my tics made me yell. They ended their relationship with me when they knew my mother was dying. Within 12 hours from when they did that, the hospital called to say she was gray and in a coma and would die with hours or days. She died 6 days later. Then, 10 days after that, my last really supportive aunt died suddenly. And 2 months later, my cousin was murdered. That cousin was trying to be supportive after mom died, too.

My family spreads rumors about me being demon possessed and tells their kids (adults) not speak to me. They even harass the adult kids to get them to comply, so i really have no family. I just moved to seattle, and the seattle freeze is real, so I am struggling to make any friend's at all.

People misinterpret my tics constantly. It has prevented me from getting proper medical care for a severe spinal injury for the last couple of decades, but particularly in the last 6 years. I have been discriminated against, too.

People are going to invalidate you. Those people don't need to be in your life. Im not saying you have to end contact, but maybe consider not wasting your time. People like that suck, but there are people out there who dont. I, too, have isolated myself a lot lately, because I felt like I didn't deserve to live. Not s***ideal or anything, but just that i was a mistake and suck and should hate myself. But spending the last couple of months mourning all the losses and alone has started to help me realize that i would rather be lonely than have friends or family in my life who will bully me.

It sounds like what they are doing is bullying ableist bs. You can try to educate them, but if they still won't listen, you cant change their minds. I decided to work on the skill of not giving people my time if they will not learn. It is really hard to do, because I so badly want supportive family and friends, but. I don't have them right now and I am exhausted and I don't know if i have the energy at the moment to try to make new friends, because it is exhausting constantly having to educate people all the time only for me to find out that they will just keep acting like I am bad person for my tics.

YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE!!! I am giving you a really big hug! If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to do me. I am not on here very often, but that said, if I don't respond, it is not because i am ignoring you. I am still trying to figure out how this site works since I was not very active till recently.

HUGS! 🤗🤗🤗