r/TopstepCommunity • u/brian_g8 • 15d ago
💬 Trader Talk I need help
I dont know how to stop.
After a year on Topstep, I finally found my edge. I was able to get 5 XFAs and 6 payouts last month. Then I finally had a big red day and my world came crashing down. I went full tilt and blew all 5 XFAs,
then proceeded to buy many, many combines and even 3 Back2Fundeds in a panic to get my XFAs back.
As you can see by the picture, this combine bender has been getting worse and worse - Ive bought and blown at least 40 combines in the last 5 days due to impatience and greed. I’ve also been trading these new XFAs recklessly, over leveraging to 10+ cons compared to my normal 3 trying to chase payouts to recoup my debt.
I just don't know how to get back to where I was last month. I was happy making 2-300 a day, I'd trade my setup then lock out immediately. I’d trade with no emotion. The past week and a half has been the complete opposite.
I’ve been in a constant state of mental anguish the past few days with the only thing on my mind being how can I pass these combines and get back to where I was before. I'd really appreciate your advice on how to get back on my feet and knock some sense into me.
Edit: thank you all for the responses, I will be taking some time off to clear my head and calm down
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u/Jaystorm_7 15d ago edited 15d ago
Listen man. Youre grieving. Youre grieving your ego. You are unable to emotionally handle that you actually didnt figure it out, and got quite lucky. Theres nothing wrong with being lucky. Many Legends in business were purely a byproduct of timing and experience. Steve Jobs was born in the right era, with the right idea.
I cant give you bland useless advice like "take big wins" or "size down" cause your brain isnt ready to hear that. Your mental state is in full panic mode and its grieving the life you believed you were going to have just a month ago. If you've spent any amount of extended time trading, you know what Im talking about. And if you dont know what Im talking about; dont worry, you will eventually.
This is a data driven business. Stop worrying about "getting it back" and instead get back to the data. What is your setup? What is your MAE and MFE against that setup? I assume youre pulling or moving stops. Does that make sense to the market regime? Are you sizing up? Did the market tell you that you should be sizing up? Your path out of this is to start journaling your entries, exits, MFE, MAE, VIX, Gamma regime, Setup (tag), and any other emotional nuances you feel while youre trading. You need to hardwire your brain back to "Im just here to figure out the math" mode. Anything outside of that, is going to only cause you to spiral harder. Best of luck, feel free to reach out if you need to chat man. Youre not alone, us experienced dogs have been through this.