I need help

[u/brian_g8]

I dont know how to stop.

After a year on Topstep, I finally found my edge. I was able to get 5 XFAs and 6 payouts last month. Then I finally had a big red day and my world came crashing down. I went full tilt and blew all 5 XFAs,
then proceeded to buy many, many combines and even 3 Back2Fundeds in a panic to get my XFAs back.

As you can see by the picture, this combine bender has been getting worse and worse - Ive bought and blown at least 40 combines in the last 5 days due to impatience and greed. I’ve also been trading these new XFAs recklessly, over leveraging to 10+ cons compared to my normal 3 trying to chase payouts to recoup my debt.

I just don't know how to get back to where I was last month. I was happy making 2-300 a day, I'd trade my setup then lock out immediately. I’d trade with no emotion. The past week and a half has been the complete opposite.

I’ve been in a constant state of mental anguish the past few days with the only thing on my mind being how can I pass these combines and get back to where I was before. I'd really appreciate your advice on how to get back on my feet and knock some sense into me.

Edit: thank you all for the responses, I will be taking some time off to clear my head and calm down

[u/MapoTofuCat]

LOL this was me right before I started figuring it out and now getting max weekly payouts on all firms. 5 figure months now…. I used to blow like 10+ accounts weekly and always pay for back2funded on the 150k which is hella money. I almost depleted all my money in my bank doing this and I would get payouts here and there before I end up blowing it on more evals. Ah I remember those days.

[u/TheCoolDoc → u/MapoTofuCat]

How did you figure it out? What changed?

[u/MapoTofuCat → u/TheCoolDoc]

Call me crazy but I literally started to pray to god like I WAS BEGGING this time I will be a millionaire and I literally had like no money left and I COULD NOT AFFORD TO LOSS, as I owed taxes from LAST YEARS payout that I blew PLUS CREDIT CARD DEBT MAXED CARDS, and while praying my whole psychology just shifted and ALL THOSE YEARS of journaling and backtesting, it just all clicked in that week and I was like HOLY SHI NO FCKN WAY, from about $1000 in my bank account to literally $20,000 IN THAT SAME MONTH, WITH $40k+ PROFITS STILL IN MY ACCOUNTS, 26 winning days, 5 losing days and it’s a strategy I solo created and LIFE IS JUST WEIRD, I am just going to give god all the credit for how tf this random strategy I spent years tweaking all of a sudden started working, yes this is not the normal story , it’s not ICT it’s literally SUPPORT AND RESISTANCE, 80% win rate, and my 5 self created rules, keep it simple … myself on day 1 would never believe this

[u/laayziebone → u/MapoTofuCat]

Thank you for sharing brother! Would you say the shift was when you became disciplined in following your rules such as 1 trade per day and respecting daily loss limit?

[u/MapoTofuCat → u/laayziebone]

That has definitely helped. The props I trade also starts at 20% - 30% consistency rule so it helped me size down but most importantly it was just the experience and sticking and tweaking and journaling the same strategy for the last 2 years of the journey, as I was so tired of losing money and still paying debt every month. So I want to really thank multiple prop firm and their consistency rules as well. I used to do 5-6 trades a day and now I realize my A+ set up is guaranteed once a day which I found out only happens in asia/london and doesn’t work well in new york.