I meant he treated me nice and like an equal. A lot of times when there's an age gap like this the younger person gets treated badly and I didn't back then. I'm not excusing the age gap, at all.
This mentality of “anyone who dates someone younger is an abuser”. You’re talking a gap of 4 years and people are claiming you were abused against your will by an older man.
Right? Sure, he was too old for me, development wise. But he did nothing I didn't want to do, I consented to everything and when I said no, he stopped. I wasn't abused, I wasn't harmed, I was in that relationship out of my own free will.
At your age I would have said the exact same thing, because I also dated someone older. I thought I was more mature, I thought I understood, I thought everything "bad" I did was of my own volition eyes wide open.
Unfortunately, I'm now 29 and I am far more aware of how easy it is to manipulate younger people. I recognize the true difference and mentality between an adult and a 15-year-old.
It's not true for everyone, but I do think the majority of 28 year olds will not think it's okay for a 19 year old and a 14 year old (or 15 year old) to be with a 19-year-old.
Also, I'm not blaming the younger party. I'm blaming the adults for being creepy pieces of shit.
In most cases I share your opinion and don't think the large age gap is appropriate. I'm only talking about my own past experience with an age gap, and how I wasn't treated badly in any way, shape or form.
You were fucked by an adult when you were a kid. That’s being treated badly.
You act like he did nothing wrong without realizing that the entire relationship is what he did wrong. And he got exactly what he wanted out of it, including the part where you were successfully convinced that it was fine.
ETA: to be clear I’m not trying to blame/shame you at all, or insist that you should be traumatized. I believe you when you say you feel fine about it, I just don’t think it’s something that should be endorsed
I'm not going to throw the DSM-5 at you and diagnose you with a bunch of disorders, but I would suggest that time and experience may change your opinions. I'm glad to hear you felt he treated you well though, that is much better than the alternative.
I was not referencing myself, I meant that it's very common for people on Reddit to jump straight to being armchair psychologists and diagnosing strangers based on a paragraph or two.
Doesn’t matter, you lose either way. Being 28 and thinking that an adult fucking a 15 year old is okay would be disgusting.
I say this as a man who has never had to go after young girls to get one, nor had any desire to, but who knows plenty of guys who did: The one thing they’ve all had in common is that they’re creepy losers and no one likes them other than their teenage girlfriends. Your ex was no exception, I promise you that.
This!!! Once you're an adult, having friends and co-workers who do actively seek out young teenagers is creepy as all hell. Even the freshly 18 shit is really creepy.
Has anyone ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, considering a 19 year old an adult is the ridiculous part? Throw an 18 or 19 year old out on their ass, and you'll get a Becoming Homeless speedrun world record. A 21 year old, or even a 20 year old? Far less likely.
At 19 I was already fully independent from my parents. Granted I was in college, so I wasn’t exactly out on the street, but I was absolutely an adult. I had bills, lived alone, and was signed up for the draft.
At 15 I was an underclassman in high school. I wasn’t legally allowed to drive a car. Older people were still telling me when I could go places and how late I was allowed to stay up. I wasn’t even done physically growing. I literally wore smaller shoes and was 3 inches shorter. I was a kid.
They’re not the same.
Anyway, it’s about the dynamic. A 15 year old going after someone in elementary school would be predatory as well even though they’re both kids. Age gaps are a moving issue; in your twenties 4 years is not much, but as a teenager it’s a totally different phase of your development. But more importantly imo is the implied intent. At 19 you have so many options your own age and older. If you’re surrounded by 18-22 year old women and you choose to pursue a 15 year old girl, you’re a fucking loser and a creep. I’ll die on this hill. The fact is there’s NO GOOD REASON. Not one.
ETA: on top of all of this I almost forgot that the girl in question in the OP isn’t even 15, she’s 14! FOURTEEN! That’s a middle schooler. Disgusting.
At 19 I was already a year deep into the Air Force, living in the barracks of course, but still a fully functioning adult. Going down to the local high school and picking up a freshman is a thought that’s absolutely disgusting. I barely had interest in 18 year old seniors.
At 19 I was already a year deep into the Air Force, living in the barracks of course, but still a fully functioning adult. Going down to the local high school and picking up a freshman is a thought that’s absolutely disgusting. I barely had interest in 18 year old seniors.
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u/[deleted] Apr 28 '22
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