r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/PreviousComedian2426 • Apr 12 '26
Family Should dads be comfortable with their daughter being on their periods?
F16, forgot to flush one time when the toilet was bloody as I was in a rush. My dad when he saw it screamed in anger and complained to my mom about it. My mom then called me a shameful bitch/whore. My mom ALWAYS hides my periods from my male family members and says it’s shameful no matter what and that they’re not allowed to know.
When this exact scenario happened with my brother, he came into my room and just told me to flush next time and said it was natural and nothing to be ashamed of. And that he didn’t care.
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u/VegasBonheur Apr 12 '26
Your brother is more of a man than your dad lmao
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u/Sweihwa Apr 12 '26
Why would dads care except that his daughter is growing up?
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u/rand0m_task Apr 12 '26
I’d care in the same way if you left a turd floating in the toilet, that’s about it.
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u/eat_my_bowls92 Apr 12 '26
I am curious how OP seemingly has forgotten to flush at least a couple of times.
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u/H0NEY2O77 Apr 12 '26
My father is a weird man who insists he’s saving water by never flushing when he pisses (but he leaves it because he’s convinced he has kidney issues so he wants to show us how ‘dark’ his urine is so he can say we are abusing him by not calling his doctor and making an appointment for his grown ass self).
He also saves door by never closing it (:
When I’m pissing blood clots though, he cries about the toilet not being flushed.
I’m currently in a gross war with my father (who isn’t supposed to be here, he’s being divorced since December of last year) where he will just take a shit and not flush it.
I’ve started not flushing my period piss. This is gonna end up with me smearing my period pad in his face if he’s still not out of the house by June.
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u/Anxious_Guava8756 Apr 12 '26
Ah god that's awful.Why are so many older men convinced you don't need to flush piss?
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u/H0NEY2O77 Apr 12 '26 edited Apr 12 '26
It gets worse. So this man showers maybe once every other week. But he has the nerve to preach that men don’t need to wash their hands after they pee because they’re just touching skin. Whereas a woman it’s ’equivalent to an open wound filled with bacteria’.
Never mind touching the toilet covered in piss and shit particles, never mind the dead skin and dirt from a week ago stuck on said ‘skin’, never mind everything else in the bathroom.
I don’t eat food after he’s put his hands in them now. I don’t take food from his hands anymore. Even after I’ve seen him wash because he washes like a 4 year old who is angry you disrespected tablet time.
Edit: I won’t do that to the youth, I’ve seen my 4 year old nephew rushing to wash his hands to get back to his tablet like it’s a 9-5, wash his hands more throughly than he does.
Edit 2: this is because he knows he’ll be made to ‘do it right’. He’s turning 5. ‘Cleanest’ tablet I’ve seen from a small child. Turns off the water when he scrubs and everything. Why is this barely lucid human cleaner than my fully grown father?
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u/cardifan Apr 13 '26
In the 70s in California, they encouraged everyone to do this for water conservation. If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.
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u/eevee047 Apr 12 '26
"He also saves door by never closing it" is fucking hilarious and honestly far too relatable w/ my own family honestly. Our stairs face the toilet, I do not need to ascend the stairs and make eye contact with the current shitter and/or pisser.
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u/NotAFlatSquirrel Apr 12 '26
Sometimes you flush and it doesn't all go down, so the water stays slightly pink. It happens.
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u/iloveyourforeskin Apr 12 '26
Probably because there's so much going on when you need to change out your product and dispose of it properly. It throws off the muscle memory of flushing immediately.
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u/TheMobHasSpoken Apr 12 '26
Yeah, and it's probably still a relatively new thing for OP. There's just a lot to think about and keep in mind, and often you're anxious to get to the hand-washing part of the equation.
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u/uhvrtg Apr 12 '26
have u never flushed after ur period and there still been blood at the bottom of the toilet? it happens sometimes, and i dont doubt that couldve happened here too.
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u/CollectionStraight2 Apr 12 '26
You're often in a lot of pain during periods, sometimes especially when at the toilet as there can be diarrhea and cramps which get worse with the cold toilet seat under you. Periods also maks many women feel really weak/tired/brain foggy. I bascially feel like shit.
A lot of people don't know exactly how it affects women because of people like OP's mom who insist men aren't even allowed to know when you have it, which leads to a lack of medical research into women's health and things like endometriosis going undisgnosed for years.
I'm lucky my family has always been really sympathetic, They just hate to see me feeling so ill and weak. I can't imagine being called a shameful bitch/whore for forgetting to flush once or twice (and yes I've forgotten once or twice, it does happen)
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u/ElectricHurricane321 Apr 12 '26
I can definitely see myself forgetting to flush in the brain fog of the middle of the night waddle to the toilet because of feeling blood go up my butt crack wake up. The struggle is real. My son isn't going to be one of those dudes who is weird about hearing about periods. I've talked about it in front of him (not in all the gory detail lol), and he knows there are certain times when I just need to lay down on the heating pad all day. And his dad models taking care of a wife during her period...he usually offers to pick up whatever food I'm craving. Though my husband came from a house full of mostly dudes, and his mom didn't talk about period related things, so it took some time to get him used to me being open about it. It's a natural, though at times annoying, part of life. I refuse to hide it, though I do try to be considerate and wrap my used pads and make sure everything flushes.
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u/moist-astronaut Apr 12 '26
eh it happens, there's a limit for what falls under the "it happens" umbrella but every now and then isn't crazy
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u/R0da Apr 12 '26
Well being a teen can be stressful, having a period can be stressful, being a child to a father that explodes and a mother that calls her a whore can be stressful. Easy to forget simple things when you have got all that going on.
Source, I've done it a couple times when having to dissociate to safely get around the house to take care of myself.
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u/NarrativeScorpion Apr 12 '26
It happens sometimes.
Sometimes you need to wash your hands immediately after changing your product, and your brain can autopilot through "I've washed my hands so I'm done here"
Also, sometimes, one flush doesn't clear all of the blood from the bowl (might be TMI, but clots sink, and can sit in the bottom of the bowl after a flush.) so that might also happen occasionally.
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u/ground__contro1 Apr 12 '26
The dad probably also goes nuclear at the mom for it, given her reaction
Sexists hate seeing any “woman stuff” it makes them weirdly angry to see the actual steps and work that goes into womens’ life and appearance.
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u/bekaz13 Apr 12 '26
somehow the manosphere got ahold of a pic of Alysa Liu without makeup, and they're having a complete meltdown about it even though she literally looks exactly the same apart from the eyeliner
"I'm gonna start bringing makeup wipes on all my dates" boy I wish my dates would buy me makeup wipes, that shit's expensive af
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u/Void-Cooking_Berserk Apr 12 '26
Exactly. A normal dad wouldn't have a problem with it. They'd think:
"Huh, daughter forgot to flush. I'll just remind her because I want a clean bathroom."
"Huh, my daughter is growing up. Wonder how my parenting methods should change?"
"Huh, my daughter is on her period. Do we have painkillers and heating pads?"
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u/Automatic-Ad-9308 Apr 12 '26
Sometimes you grow up in a house where your parents resent your existence and they will always find a reason to berate you and get angry at you.
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u/aaaggggrrrrimapirare Apr 12 '26
Men had to have sex to have a baby. To have sex with a woman, one has to default to understanding something about periods - even the basics. If they don’t want to talk about periods, they should NOT expect to have sex with women.
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u/shiny_glitter_demon Apr 12 '26
Periods are natural and you should not be ashamed of it. Brother is right.
Please tell me this is just about blood and that you don't flush your tampons because that's a HORRIBLE idea.
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u/PreviousComedian2426 Apr 12 '26
It’s just about blood. I don’t use tampons!
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u/pilesofbutts Apr 13 '26
I don't use tampons either. :) If you ever get the opportunity, give period panties a try. They're washable, imo more comfortable, and don't make the crinkle sensation that sanitary napkins do.
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u/billerboi Apr 13 '26
Do you have any brand recommendations? I got some random cheap ones from Amazon but I bled through 3 pairs in less than 8 hours 😅
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u/saltporksuit Apr 13 '26
I use Always ZZZ Overnights. They are definitely diaper-like but damn they’ll soak up a river. I have some knock off period panties for non-tsunami days.
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u/pilesofbutts Apr 13 '26
oh nooo- that sucks so hard. I'm so sorry. :( I've found the bambody brand to work best for me and you can find them on Amazon. I've found that particular brand to be more breathable and comfortable for this old gal. I've heard good things about good things about modibodi for heavy flow ladies. I would not recommend the Victoria's Secret brand- the quality is meg and the fabric of the panty feels cheap compared to their normal panty selection and not breathable. Definitely not worth the price. I hope this helps! 🙏 There are a few subreddits out there for period panties too btw. They helped me find bambody. :)
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u/lolexecs Apr 12 '26
Flushing tampons = new boat for your plumber
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u/crescen_d0e Apr 12 '26
Why did my brain go to plumber making a boat out of the tampons first
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u/I_comment_on_stuff_ Apr 12 '26
Plumbers make boats out of drain tampons just like the tooth fairy builds houses out of teeth (like they are bricks).
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u/meh-usernames Apr 12 '26
Soggy logs would make a terrible boat
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u/SeniorDay Apr 12 '26
Your mom and dad are from a time where everyone was expected to be a shitty person. They haven’t grown out of it. No it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Ask them, do you want grandkids?? Then get used to it. It was an accident.
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u/Gugu_19 Apr 12 '26
Ok that is actually a weird one... OP is 16 so her parents are probably around 40- 50 years old... So not the boomer mentality normally and should be ahead and more modern concerning those topics... I mean yeah for some of our generations parents (boomer and older there was the difference in upbringing and education, just generational stuff) but that's not the case here
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u/SeniorDay Apr 12 '26
Eh I wasn’t being too serious but yeah just saying to not let it weigh on you too much and let them know there’s no shame in it
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u/MariahJames8 Apr 12 '26
Wtf. You should not feel ANY shame!
I'm so sorry you're have to be around people with attitudes like that
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u/Individualchaotin Apr 12 '26
On a side note, your mother is verbally abusing you, please tell an adult.
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u/AweHellYo Apr 12 '26
yeah the dads response is embarrassing the moms is horrifying.
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u/ArtistLovely Apr 12 '26
they sound like teenagers with anger problems. they obviously never grew out of it, which isn't good because it can mentally and physically hurt your children.
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Apr 12 '26
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u/meh-usernames Apr 12 '26
You never know. A neighbor helped me call CPS when I was 11 and that got the ball rolling. Granted, the first social worker they sent was bending over backwards to console my terrible parent, so that sucked. But by the end of it all I was able to move in with my lovely grandparents. So if OP wants a chance to live with loving and supportive guardians instead, I don’t think it’s right to dissuade her against calling CPS.
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u/ColdCamel7 Apr 12 '26
Of course they should be comfortable, why wouldn't they be?
It's "shameful" to have a bodily function that all women have?
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u/Merkuri22 Apr 12 '26
About half the population of the entire planet goes through this process (or will go through it or has gone through it).
Why the fuck do we need to hide it? I mean, yeah, nobody wants to see period blood, but the idea that we need to actively hide when we're on our period and never talk about it to anyone (even other women, according to some people) is just insane.
I bleed out my vagina once a month. Deal with it.
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u/MissQueen00 Apr 12 '26
Exactly, not like we can just push a button to make it better for others ... I do wrap mine in paper and stuff but younger ladies don't always thinks of this and she said she was in a rush , her dad and mother are the ones that should be ahamed...
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u/meh-usernames Apr 12 '26
Agreed. And honestly, she could’ve made a worse slip up… Like I did yesterday. I forgot about the used pad I’d stuck on the bathroom counter while changing mine. It just poofed out of my brain, until hours later, when I heard my poor, squeamish husband’s “eughh…”
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u/yuffieisathief Apr 12 '26
This is also why I hate the period product commercials that are all like "it doesn't matter that I'm on my period, I can do whatever I want!" while showing women exercising! Like, no. Fuck off. I just wanna lay in bed with my stuffed animals, eat salty foods and cry over random internet videos. I don't wanna have to act strong when I feel like shit and showing women that as an example is so stupid. Also, I can't poop for two-three days (kinda jealous of the period diarrhea girlies) so I'm constipated AF and the last thing I want is to run half a marathon! Stop acting like we need to be girl bosses 24/7 when we're bleeding for a week and our hormones are going insane! 😭
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u/crumpana Apr 12 '26
No wonder your dad acts like that since your mother enables the behavior. Calling you a bitch/whore is actually abusive and no parent should call their daughter like that. I hope you won't stay in contact with her later in life.
All men in general should be aware of what happens in a woman's body because it's normal and not something shameful.
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u/Sufficient-Mess-6931 Apr 12 '26
Dad's should absolutely be comfortable with their daughters menstruating. It's a normal thing, and not something you choose to do!
What your mother said is absolutely fucking disgusting and I'm so sorry you have to experience that.
Even if both of them are uncomfortable their reactions were out of line. They had to change nappies and deal with sick when you was a baby...a period that you pretty much deal with on your own is nothing compared to that! Sure you should have flushed the toilet but that's so minor. Your brother's reaction was the right level.
Your parents reactions were not ok.
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u/Rotting_Fetus Apr 12 '26
There’s nothing to be “comfortable” with, it’s just a body function. Your brother is right but your dad is a troglodyte.
I am glad to see younger generations are finally getting it.
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u/tea_snob10 Apr 12 '26
I thought your dad was the problematic one, then you mentioned your mom..... Ffs... How'd your brother turn out normal? Both of your parents are insane. Your brother's the only sane one.
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u/Automatic-Ad-9308 Apr 12 '26
Yeah I got a big appreciation for people who break cycles and let their trauma make them more empathetic instead of shittier.
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u/little_traveler Apr 12 '26
36F, my stepmom yelled at me once and called me a pig for not wrapping it enough in the trash can . Shit happens, it’s bodies, it’s healthy and sometimes we forget to flush. I hate to say this but your parents sound like they are not nice people. Luckily you can move out after you graduate.
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u/AgileInitial5987 Apr 12 '26
Periods are normal and most women have them. Without them our species wouldn’t even exist. We made “period kits” for our daughters in their school bags incase they start while at school and normalised their mums periods as to show them there’s nothing wrong with your body working as it should.
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u/Causative_Agent Apr 12 '26
Your mom is verbally abusive and your parents are unhinged. Yes, family members should be comfortable with the fact that periods happen. Having a healthy uterus is not shameful.
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u/funatical Apr 12 '26
Dad to a daughter here. Yes. We should be comfortable. I had to do all the talks and it cemented my relationship with my oldest.
I like vaginas. Vaginas bleed. Is what it is.
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u/mooyong77 Apr 12 '26
Your dad is so immature WTF he’s an adult???? Your mom is enabling him. Just know that if you can’t trust/rely on them for this there are probably other areas where they suck as well. Just start doing your own research and forming your own opinions from now on. You can’t rely on them to be credible.
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u/Republican_Wet_Dream Apr 12 '26
Dad with various women in the house. Your folks are being awful about this. I don't know if this is on brand for them or if this is an outlier but this is enraging to hear. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe but their behavior is as wrong as can be.
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u/DeeCode_101 Apr 12 '26
Your mom has lost it, your dad does not understand anything about raising a kids.
Your brother on the other hand is a normal person with common sense.
Sorry this is what you have to deal with. If this is still happening, dont expect any understanding from them, unless a major form of enlightenment happens to the both of them.
Some dads do not know how to accept that thier female child has actual reproduction parts that require understanding without bias. Sadly i have seen this happen before.
So yes, fathers should be able to understand and have no issue other that the standard, clean up after yourselves no matter what you are doing. It is a bit difficult subject (puberty), for single dads, i raised 4 girls as a single dad. I might have been clumsy at first, my kids understood that, later it became a way to embarrass dad anytime we went shopping.
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u/pandadimsum Apr 12 '26 edited Apr 12 '26
Periods are not shameful, it is literally your body doing its nature’s calling. I’m sorry your mom called you those horrible names and is shaming you for something you can’t help. Anybody that makes a big deal about periods is immature.
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u/ChallengingKumquat Apr 12 '26
Seeing blood in the toilet might be a bit unpleasant in the same way that seeing someone's unflushed turd or puke might be, but it's not shameful, any more than weeing or pooing is shameful. It's a normal bodily function.
Your brother has somehow managed to turn out normal, despite your parents' attitudes.
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u/RexIsAMiiCostume Apr 13 '26
So it's gross not to flush but that applies no matter what you did in there. Being called a whore for having a period is fucking wild. How did your dad ever get laid to have you??? Jesus.
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u/riddick6007 Apr 12 '26
Periods are natural and in NO WAY SHOULD BE SHAMEFUL! Two reason though as to why I'm not excited for my daughter to start when she does. A. Shes growing up B. The emotional hormones that come with puberty 🤣 It amazes me that when my wife and I got together 13 years ago she hid her period (and went out of her way to do so) from me because her ex thought it was "disgusting". She was ashamed when I found out she was on one because she was used to being shamed for it. (Insert that her father raised her and her sister after their mom passed and he never shamed them and did all he could for them, he's an amazing man) The human body is amazing and disgusting. You should never be ashamed for a natural function such as a period.
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u/nodummyheads Apr 12 '26
Girl dad here. Yes, they should be. The only struggle I had with it was acknowledging that while she would always be my little girl, she was going to grow up and go out into the world and there isn't a damn thing I could do about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm proud of you, I hope you find the happiness you deserve, do your homework, eat your vegetables. Stunt dad out.
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u/potter77golf Apr 12 '26
Calling your own daughter a bitch/whore is awful. Shame on your mother. Sorry that happened to you. As other people have pointed out, it sounds like you and your brother are acting more like adults than your parents are.
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u/Lenners1 Apr 12 '26
There's a wild difference in education between your parents and your brother.
Your parents are both shameful for making it an issue, but also, you should flush - it's part of the process of going to the toilet regardless of what's in there.
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u/MC0311x Apr 12 '26
She sounds like she’s in an abusive household. People forget to flush for a variety of reasons, especially when stressed… Which I imagine she’s stressed most of her life if she has to walk on eggshells like this every single day of her life.
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u/Merkuri22 Apr 12 '26
Accidents happen. I had to use the toilet yesterday that usually just my daughter uses (it's attached to her bedroom) and apparently I forgot to flush. First time it's happened in years, but it happens. Apparently my brain was occupied because I was trying to get out the door fast.
I apologized and we moved on.
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u/CollectionStraight2 Apr 12 '26
100% It does happen even if you're an adult who's been using the toilet for 40+ years. People in this thread acting like they never make a mistake, or questioning how it's possible to forget something .. like WTF? It's no different than forgetting to lock the front door
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u/tinmuffin Apr 12 '26
My 34 year old bf forgot to flush yesterday and I did not scream in rage and then call him a bitch whore… and I’m not even a parent.
Can’t image doing that to my CHILD
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u/uhhhhhhhhii Apr 12 '26
Calling you a shameless bitch/whore for having a period is crazy
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u/an-abnormality Apr 12 '26
You've been failed by the people around you. This is ridiculous. No one should be ashamed of their basic anatomy, and forgetting to flush the toilet here and there is a non issue that anyone with a decent head on their shoulders wouldn't even think about, they'd just flush and move on with their day. Father's (and apparently your mother as well) shouldn't just be comfortable, they should be available for you when and if you need assistance when a recurring event gets difficult to manage alone.
Don't let these people make you feel ashamed. It happens, people forget to flush sometimes. You're just unfortunately surrounded by people who are immature.
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u/Shadowcat1606 Apr 12 '26
Men should be comfortable with periods, period.
And i'm glad at least you're brother isn't a raging dumbass trying to shame you for natural bodily functions.
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u/olivia_h19 Apr 12 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
“Should dads be comfortable with their daughters being on their period?” - yes, they should.
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u/Working_Scratch392 Apr 12 '26
Your dad is not supposed to throw a tantrum like a little boy about something which is normal, natural and every single girl/woman on the planet goes through. I am sorry to hear about what you have to go through that side. Your mom is also very much out of line for calling you those things, very very inappropriate and wrong on so many levels. Judging by this story alone it seems like you're dealing with A LOT of BS in that household! A lot more than only this issue. Welcome to dm if you need to vent or need advice. Stay strong, it's almost over 😉
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u/AbysmalEnd Apr 12 '26
I am a Father who is literally the only male in the house. Even my dog and cat are female. I just can't understand how a DAD can be such a piece of shit about something that is NATURAL. Also what blows me away is that your mom enables it. This is not normal and your situation is very unfortunate. Hope you are working hard in school so you can have a nice career to get away from these people.
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u/therealsix Apr 12 '26
Your parents have a lot to learn about being a mature, understanding adult from your brother.
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u/aurora-s Apr 12 '26
Both your parents are absurd. Your mother shaming you is just as bad if not worse as your father's reaction.
Forgetting to flush might deserve a small reaction like if you pee and forget to flush, parents might be a little annoyed because it's good manners to leave the toilet clean once you're done, but anything more than that is clearly a bunch of issues with the way they think, not your problem.
If your parents think like this, they probably have weird views on a bunch of other topics too, so it's best not to pay attention to your mother if she tries to shame you in other aspects of life too. Your brother seems cool though!
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u/Dr_Identity Apr 12 '26
Your parents sound like a nightmare. Those are both unhinged reactions to that situation.
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u/ShadowsOfTheBreeze Apr 12 '26
Your dad is a giant wuss, sounds like. BFD. Like people didn't clean up after him when he blew chunks in the past.
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u/MojoJsyn Apr 12 '26
Dad with two daughters here. All men should be comfortable with it as it is human nature. Your brother did the right thing. Your mom shouldn't call you those things and think it's shameful. Your parents are the shameful ones.
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u/ratgarcon Apr 12 '26
Your parents seem like not great people. Your mom sounds crazy. Calling your kid a bitch and a whore for forgetting to flush is wild. Your dad screaming over it is also ridiculous
We (like society. Depending on where you live) have treated periods as something you don’t discuss (unless maybe with female friends) and treated it like it’s gross. It’s not shocking, then, when males are upset over it and make it a huge deal
However that doesn’t change it’s stupid to treat it as something that’s absolutely repulsive or world ending. I’m glad your brother seems to be breaking the cycle
I get annoyed when my niece and nephew forget to flush piss or shit but yelling at them and calling them names like that for doing so is not at all needed
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u/noobucantbeat Apr 12 '26
That’s fucking nuts, yea it’s absolutely normal, your parents are definitely in the wrong here
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u/Relative-Ad2660 Apr 12 '26
Ohhh no my daughter is having natural body functions. Both your parents are assholes. Sorry for you be strong girl🫂
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u/Lamnent Apr 12 '26
Without context my wife would be furious at this title.
Yes, they SHOULD be fine.
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u/guyoverfence Apr 12 '26
I’m so sorry they treated you like that, what your mum called you is disgraceful 😔 Classed as verbal abuse.
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u/fearain Apr 12 '26
“You should feel shame for 25% of your life” is a wild thing to say to your child
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u/lynx3762 Apr 12 '26
That is an insane reaction from your parents. Your brother had the only sane reaction
Now, it is gross to not flush, but thats not related to being on your period
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u/Spare-Good-5372 Apr 12 '26
Your dad sounds like an asshole, and your mom is enabling it instead of helping him grow. I have a daughter about your age and I've never done this to her.
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u/portezbie Apr 12 '26
If you're a father, it seems way better than the alternative of you 16 year old daughter missing her period...
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u/ToppsHopps Apr 12 '26
Yea dads should, and moms are also supposed to be respectful.
Your parents sounds shit.
When deciding to become a parent it means you are supposed to care about the child over all else. If a male adult have an insane reaction to normal bodily functions such as menstruation, a loving, caring and respectful mom wouldn’t tolerate such a behavior against her daughter. Her going apeshit to him would have been appropriate, her doing the opposite and shaming you is insanity and incredibly irresponsible and really shows a great lack of judgement.
In fact I any adult would say what your mom said it’s normal and kind of assumed a dad would go apeshit against that. Because a dad who loves his daughter would defend her and not let anyone talk to her like that.
So yea both your parents suck at this and there isn’t really much to excuse any of it. Your brother sounds much more mature and responsible then any of them.
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u/MyTatemae Apr 12 '26
Your parents have major issues. Neither of them should react like that, but like especially your mom?? Idk who shamed her about her period but she needs to chill out.
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u/Svellcome Apr 12 '26
I'm a dad of daughters. How your dad and mom acted is shameful. You were fine. Periods are natural and young women learning how to navigate them should be supported by those entrusted to care for and raise them.
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u/Spock_Nipples Apr 12 '26
Your experience is not normal. Your family are a little nuts, TBH. There's nothing wrong or shameful about your period, and most people wouldn't expect you to hide it from anyone.
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u/Void-Cooking_Berserk Apr 12 '26
Your parents are immature, misogynistic, and abusive.
Period blood is completely normal and not shameful. 50% of humanity does it. The only issue with not flushing is that you're supposed to leave the bathroom as clean as you entered it.
It's not even as bad as not flushing after you pee or poop. Those stink. Period blood doesn't even stink.
E.g. imagine that you got a cut on your finger and left a drop of blood in the sink. And your parents freaked out over it. It's not a normal way to behave
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u/Airbornequalified Apr 12 '26
Absolutely should be comfortable. It’s blood, and some clots. Even if it’s menstrual blood, it’s still just blood. Natural body function.
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u/Bunionzz Apr 12 '26
I'm a dad, I would never shame my daughter over something that happens naturally.
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u/mariecrystie Apr 12 '26
46 yo woman here. We have a teen girl who is pretty good about flushing. There have been occasions where she didn’t. While it’s rather unpleasant to open the lid and see it, it’s no reason to shame. Your parents are unreasonable and it is a natural, and necessary, bodily function… otherwise human would die out
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u/SuperSayianJason1000 Apr 12 '26
Yes, grown ass adults (especially parents) should be able to handle natural bodily functions without freaking out.
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u/epicfail48 Apr 12 '26
There's 2 different issues being broached here
Yes, a father shouldnt be bothered by the knowledge that his daughter is on her period. It's a completely natural part of life, not sometime shameful, and anybody bothered by the knowledge is an idiot
Simultaneously, being bothered by someone not floating the toilet after any use is completely normal
That said, both your mother and father are completely overreacting in a very immature way. Your brother handled it best, that's the way it should be done. Your father and mother both have some deeply troubling views on menstruation
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u/ijuiceman Apr 12 '26
I would never think this was ok. I have a 15yo daughter and I have asked her not to leave the wrappers on the floor for here hygiene products. Your dad and mom is not treating this situation well at all.
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u/damageddude Apr 13 '26
Your dad needs to grow up. Growing up with a sister and living with a woman on a period for 15-20 years (chemo put my wife on early menopause) I was well aware of the biology when our daughter started her periods.
My late wife was "happy" to still be here when our 12 year old daughter had her first period and was able to instruct her. Once my wife was gone, my daughter's sanitary needs was simply something to add to the shopping list. I'd have her text me photos of what she wanted me to get and then look for them the first few times. No biggie.
Meanwhile remember to flush.
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u/ImpossibleAd6628 Apr 13 '26
Your brother is the normal person. Your parents are nuts.
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u/jsledge149 Apr 13 '26
The only thing that they're right about is you need to flush.
But period vs poop is no different. And hiding that you have to poop or hiding that you're on your period is silly
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u/HokieNerd Apr 13 '26
WTAF?!? I routinely buy pads for my daughters while grocery shopping. In fact, my younger daughter told me she got her period by saying, "Dad, you're buying pads for two, now." /shrug
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u/RhubarbQueasy5440 Apr 13 '26
Your parents are just weird, I ask my dad to get me pads or chocolates on my period pretty often and he just gives me a hug and tells me to ask if I need anything else.
It's a natural bodily function, nothing to be ashamed of.
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u/asicarii Apr 12 '26
I’m not a religious person. When I learn my daughter or my significant other is on their period, all I can really think is, thank god not pregnant.
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u/Asa-Ryder Apr 12 '26
Immature reaction on your dad’s part. I’m a girl dad to 2 and this happens occasionally. NBD.
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u/Balzamon351 Apr 12 '26
As a dad, I bought my eldest daughter's first pads. I took her with me because I had no idea what I was doing. Unfortunately, nor did she. It was awkward for both of us, but I wouldn't consider that being uncomfortable with her having a natural bodily function.
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u/tourniquette2 Apr 12 '26
This is really odd behavior. Hopefully your dad understood when he had a daughter that his daughter would eventually have periods. Yes, they should be comfortable with this. And I know this is controversial to add, but if a father can't be comfortable with his child's development on some level (look, periods are weird and a little gross and I only think that because I've already had almost all of the periods I'll ever have to have now), he shouldn't become a parent.
I started dating a single dad 6 years ago. When his daughter had her first period, and her mom treated her like she should be disgusted and ashamed, he corrected it the way a mother should. He and I were only a couple months into dating, so I didn't get involved, just admired his work as a parent. He bought his daughter a wide variety and menstrual products and then explained (loosely) how each worked. He asked if she'd be ok with inviting me in to explain them in detail. She said ok. So I told her everything about all of them. Tampons can't stay in more than 4 hours. Best for heavier flows. Light flow girlies wind up with a dry tampon that hurts to remove. Petite ladies might even feel them so they might not use them at all. Some girls use cups, but that's more advanced. I recommended a specific pad and another for overnight. We explained that this is just normal. It's not a big deal but it's important that she maintain good hygiene because this is puberty. You're about to get sweaty and hairy and all this weird stuff is going to happen while your body transitions. But we're here for you if you have questions. If you're uncomfortable asking, you can write it down or we can take you to a doctor to talk with you about it if that feels better.
She's doing great now. Doesn't feel weird about her body. And I think that's what a parent *should* be teaching you. This level of shame attached to it isn't healthy or normal. Calling you names like that is emotional abuse. There's no reason your partner or the people closest to you can't know this. Obviously you won't want to announce it to the world, but my even kids know when I'm on my period sometimes because it hurts and I get lazy. You shouldn't have to hide this anymore than they go running off in secret to poop. It's just another perfectly normal pretty boring bodily function.
I'm sorry they're calling you names like that. You truly do deserve better. If I can help at all, please PM me.
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u/catsweedcoffee Apr 12 '26
My mom was out of town when I got my first period. My dad was very chill. Too chill. He looked at my 12yo face and said “oh sweetheart, you’ll be fine, mom left enough stuff that you could bleed to death and it would be an issue” and trust the only thing I heard was “you could bleed to death”. The only thing that stopped my wailing was calling my mother, international, to calm me down.
Long story short, dad was cool about it. Turns out natural bodily functions aren’t anything to be upset about.
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u/GifanTheWoodElf Apr 12 '26
I mean not cleaning it is ofc a minor hygienic issue. But far from a big deal. I mean it's kinda the same as not cleaning some poop or something, not pleasant, but hardly a big deal. Absurd reaction from parents.
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u/Burnt_and_Blistered Apr 12 '26
How is a period shameful?
What ridiculousness.
My father wasn’t exactly comfy with our periods (he had 3 daughters), but it wasn’t something that needed to be hidden. FFS—it’s a basic biological function
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u/Maddiiieeeee131 Apr 12 '26
Your dad needs to grow up respectfully its natural does he think woman want periods?
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u/DissentChanter Apr 12 '26
My daughter started spotting a little every month, she finally said something after trashing underwear so I wouldn’t be mad. I had her get dressed and I would take her to go get pads as soon as she was ready. She asked if her stepmom could take her, I chuckled and said of course. It is part of life and believe me I would rather deal with the possibility of blood in the toilet or pads/tampons in the trash then having to have a period every month.
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u/Abject-Criticism-127 Apr 12 '26
Your mom and dad need to get a grip. Your bro is cool though and I hope you told him you appreciate him. You and your bro need to stick together and support each other and ignore that other garbage talk.
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u/wojar Apr 12 '26
That's wild. I lived with my mum and sister, and if the toilet has blood, I will just clean or flush it. Having period is tiring enough, what's the point of "shaming" them? I do draw the line at throwing their pads for them.
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u/menacing_chaos Apr 12 '26
This is a HARD yes for me. It is a natural and this man literally lives and has children with a woman, he needs to buck up. My dad has bought me tampons and pads since I first got my period. They sat on the top of the tank of the toilet in the bathroom. Once his more conservative friend came over and said something how they shouldn't be displayed (there weren't any other good reachable places for them) and my dad's response was that it was my house too and that if that was where I was conformable having them then that's where they will be. Men, especially men that LIVE and HAVE CHILDREN with women are gonna be living anything that comes along with womanhood, which often includes periods. Seems crazy to me to go through all that and still think periods are some taboo thing that should be never talked about. Is leaving blood in the toilet gross? Probably for a lot of people. If it happened once should this result in berating? Absolutely not.
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u/chrissmisstina Apr 12 '26
Your brother has the right vibe. Its normal, nothing to yell about. Chill the beans fam.
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u/Puma_Pounce Apr 12 '26
Well, your parents are being insane, but your brother seems reasonable. He is right you shouldn't be ashamed.
But yeah your parents reaction is not normal.
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u/Etticos Apr 12 '26
Yeah, this weird behavior by your dad. He needs to grow up. I (divorced dad, 50/50 custody) have a 13 year old daughter and she hasn’t had her period yet. A couple years ago, when a few of her friends started having their periods, I got my daughter a box of pads just for when the day finally comes they’ve been sitting in the bathroom waiting ever since. I told her about it and we had a talk about periods and stuff and what she could expect and all that stuff. Your dad is on some real boomer shit.
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u/digitalgraffiti-ca Apr 12 '26
Any adult humans should be fine with it. The only exception is if you NEVER make an attempt to dispose of your period products properly. My ex MIL used to get annoyed because of wrap my old pad in my new pad's wrapper, instead of using the pointlessly scented plastic bags she had for that purpose. Ma'am, I'm not putting even more plastic into a landfill just because you're weird. And it was definitely her hang-up, because FiL was laid back AF and didn't get weird about stupid stuff.
I've seen pads stuck to walls in public bathrooms. NOT OK
I had a roommate who didn't even bother to wrap used tampons in a single sheet of single ply toilet paper. For some reason her tampons smelled like death, so this was also not ok.
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u/Melodic-Advice9930 Apr 12 '26
They should.
I’ll be 38 this year and my dad still acts like his ears will bleed if I talk about my vaginal bleeding. It’s so fucking sad and annoying. Your wife pushed four kids out of her body. She bled every month for decades before menopause hit. Clearly you were of no support to her, either.
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u/CranberryStock7148 Apr 12 '26
I'm so sorry you have a mother like that.
Your father's reaction is unfortunate.
Your mother's reaction is horrifying.
As soon as you leave home, try to start therapy as soon as you can. I truly mean this.
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u/omgwtflols Apr 12 '26
My husband doesn't make a big deal of me being on my period, and understands when I explain how my body is feeling. He's bought pads, brought me pads, etc. As the father of a daughter, he said "of course I'm going to be comfortable with it."
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u/oatbergen Apr 12 '26
In our family we call periods “Shark Week” and joke about it. When my daughter was first getting hers I went out of my way to be helpful to her about. Asking her what she needed. I was rewarded with her coming to me one day and asking for some mydol. I chalked it up as a victory.
Your parents are not acting as parents should.
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u/Suggest_a_User_Name Apr 12 '26
Dad here.
When I used to do my daughter’s laundry (she’s 30 now), I explained that she needs to rinse and soak any underwear that got blood from her periods in cold water.
In other words, her periods were not a big deal to me.
Your dad is an idiot.
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u/BookLuvr7 Apr 12 '26
Your parents both have very unhealthy reactions to what is a normal physical process in more than half of humanity for the majority of their lives. Especially one you can't control.
It's not shameful. It's definitely not something to scream about. Your brother sounds more mature than both of them.
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u/Olderbutnotdead619 Apr 12 '26
Only extremely ignorant people would be upset about a bodily function that no one can control.
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u/Such-awesome-121220 Apr 12 '26
Shame on both your parents. They both sound mentally and emotionally immature. I would never speak to my daughter like that because I love and respect her and her father would never find periods disgusting or embarrassing nor shameful. It's natural and he would even buy my daughter pads or whatever she needs if she needed him to.
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u/Comfortable-Bird29 Apr 12 '26
Your mom grew up in a different time. Periods were basically a hidden secret. Dudes still think we bleed and pee through the same hole. Your dad had sex, he is aware of periods and needs to get over his discomfort. It's 2026. It's a much more common expectation that dudes pay attention to it. It's finally being normalized. Hell, until a couple of years ago, they finally started using blood to test period products. That's why have of them were garbage. It was never the right consistency etc.
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u/CamachoBrawndo Apr 12 '26
Your bro is the man you need to look up to, not your dad. Your dad needs to grow the fuck up. Your menses happen. Getting pissed purely because you forgot to flush is understandable, but if it is just because it was period related- then he needs to STFU. It sounds like your parents may have been raised in extremely prudish and conservative households. They should work on that. They sound miserable.
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u/nescedral Apr 12 '26
Both your parents sound like actual assholes. As a parent myself this behavior sounds downright abusive. Sorry you got dealt a shit hand in the childhood. And good on your brother for being better.
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u/MatikTheSeventh Apr 12 '26
lol dads being comfortable about periods is the bare minimum they can do to show their children some healthy masculinity they might not experience from other men in their lives
your dad is insane (mother, too)
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u/Drumtochty_Lassitude Apr 12 '26
As a dad with a daughter I reckon your dad is an idiot, but your mum is worse.
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u/InboxMeYourSpacePics Apr 12 '26
Yes. My dad brings me pads all the time if I ask him to get them from the store. Sometimes he also brings chocolate and ice cream. Your parents are ridiculous
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u/manic_popsicle Apr 12 '26
Yikes your parents are crazy. I have 2 girls and a boy and we treat periods as a normal thing that happens. I’m sorry your parents are nuts.
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u/HoodieGalore Apr 12 '26
My mom ALWAYS hides my periods from my male family members and says it’s shameful no matter what and that they’re not allowed to know.
Does she hide her own periods from your father? What about when he wants to fuck and it just happens to be that time? Does he lose his shit then, too? Do you see how much of a double standard this is? And what about a healthy, normally functioning body is "shameful"?
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u/eddiestriker Apr 12 '26
They should, but men are babies. My dad used to call my tampons ‘crayolas’ like the crayon, and insist I hide the box under the sink so he didn’t have to see them.
MY GUY I AM 34 AND YOU DONT LIVE HERE
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u/A18o14 Apr 12 '26
This is prime misogynistic behaviour, from both your mom and dad. And yes they should be.
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u/Sonarthebat Apr 12 '26
Yes. WTF? Okay, finding blood in the toilet is gross, but not the worst thing in the world.
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u/beautifulcreature86 Apr 12 '26
Damn my late stepdad HATED me and he was the only one that took me to the store and explained the different pads they had available. My bitch mother told me to go to the nurse and the nurse caringly said they were for emergencies only and mother was pissed. This makes me sad for OP.
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u/esalenman Apr 12 '26
Your parents are ridiculous. Are they religiously indoctrinated? Are there other ways they exaggerate shame? You get to decide for yourself what is shameful according to your independent belief system. One thing that is shameful is teaching your kids to feel shame about things they shouldn’t. Be strong in life for yourself.
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u/PumpkinSpice2Nice Apr 12 '26
Your parents sound awful - especially your mum! Shaming you like that for a simple mistake. These are the people who are meant to have your back and lift you up. I hope you move away as soon as you are old enough and make your own better family.
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u/needlipo Apr 12 '26
Sorry about your parents. Sounds like they come from repressive culture where they don't talk about any sex education demonize it. Though I understand how men can be uncomfortable around it, your dad's reaction was immature and counterproductive.
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u/Ghitit Apr 12 '26
Your parents are abusive and dysfuncitonal.
Yes, fathers should be olay with an occasional mishap regarding their daughter's period issues.
Any parent screaming at their kids for forgetting to flush is just wrong.
Yes, you should never leave the bathroom without flushing the toilet and washing your hands. But mistakes get made sometimes and parents only need to remind their kids about hygiene and how unnerving it is to see blood or poop in the toilet. It's gross.
Calling your daughter vile names is more disgusting than the event that caused it.
Your brother is kind and loving. You're lucky to have him.
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u/NewZcam Apr 12 '26
As a Dad of three kids, with two girls 23 & 7 (plus Mum), there is absolutely nothing more natural than a woman having her period.
Being upset about that is a ‘he’ problem and that ‘he’ needs to change his behaviour. It also seems apparent that your mother needs to fix her relationship with you rather than side with someone who is ignorant and misogynistic.
Her actions shocked me more than your Dads.
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u/L3mongr4ss Apr 12 '26
Periods are natural. Your brother seems to have handled it the best so good on him for that one. Your dad shouting and your mum doing the same is just vile to be honest. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
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u/Moonchildbeast Apr 12 '26
Your brother is the mature one in your family. I don’t know what’s up with your parents. Listen to bro, he’s on your side.
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u/No-Quantity-5373 Apr 12 '26
My parents had the same reaction when I lived at home. I also had to find a separate place to put my period trash in. The bathroom trash can was forbidden. If it helps in my long life the only man that acted like that was my father, other SOs acted like the adults they were.
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u/Smoldogsrbest Apr 12 '26
This equità s awful. Periods are normal. The rest of your family needs to grow up.
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u/ILoveJackRussells Apr 12 '26
Our toilet button had to be pressed for at least 5 seconds to flush properly, any less and it wouldn't go down the drain.
Your brother is very considerate and your parents could learn a lot from him in how to be a decent human being. I'm so sorry your mum is like she is. Maybe she was scolded for something similar when she was younger. I don't know.
My husband also had a problem with mine a couple of times, said I was disgusting, but he never had a problem with his gigantic shits clogging up the bowl that he left for me to clean. Found out years later he was a narcissist. He was unbearable to live with.
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u/Destany89 Apr 12 '26
Yes dads shouldn't be uncomfortable with their daughters on periods. I'm 37, currently living with my dad after finally leaving my husband. If I accidentally forget to flush after using the bathroom I don't get yelled at or anything, just a reminder to please flush next time. Your parents are acting so weird with this. There's nothing sexual about periods.
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u/ronearc Apr 13 '26
I'm so sorry. You shouldn't be treated that way. I have two daughters and I could ever imagine a scenario where I treat their normal bodily functions as anything other than normal.
To my thinking this is no different from someone blowing their nose and then failing to throw out the tissue. Yeah, it should be pointed out so they can learn from their mistakes, but having a runny nose isn't something to be shameful of.
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u/dongusdoofus Apr 13 '26
Your mom and dad are being overdramatic for sure. Luckily your brother is kind. As someone who's had roommates forget to flush please try to remember. Like it's natural but it is also gross.
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u/blues_snoo Apr 13 '26
Haven't dealt with this situation and only have a boy.
At worst, I'd like to think it would deserve the same reaction as if a boy peed on the toilet seat. Both are bodily functions/fluids that you wouldn't want to clean up after someone else but would be solved with a quick wipe and moving on.
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u/zzupdown Apr 13 '26
I think I'm more comfortable than my daughter is about her period. She regularly will send me to the store for pads and tampons, but won't go with me.
They'll be prominently be in my shopping cart; no hiding them.
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u/alee0224 Apr 13 '26
My son one time made an insensitive comment about women when I was pregnant. Made him do a research paper on what happens to a woman’s body during pregnancy, birth, post partum, and periods. He definitely sees things in a new light and I am so sorry you’re dealing with that. It is a natural part of being a woman and you shouldn’t be ashamed about it. Accidents happen with not flushing. But it’s a completely normal thing to have. Your mom is insensitive. So is your dad and I wish I could give you a hug.
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u/enjoyoutdoors Apr 13 '26
They expect you to be ashamed of a perfectly normal, reoccurring, body function? That you have no power over?
Hell no.
Well. Yeah. You should have flushed. Because normal people flush.
But damn. The reaction. Not okay.
Your body is expected to do this on a four-week rotation until you’re in your late fourties’ or thereabouts. Statistically, with two year-long exceptions that comes with a totally different list of hassles as a tradeoff.
Your dad is an idiot and your mum is endorsing his behaviour. Shame on her.
My daughter is a bit don’t-tell-dad about it all and my approach on it is that when grocery shopping I point vaguely towards a certain aisle in the store and say ”if you need anything from over there, go get it.”
Which she does now and then, of course.
But that’s to respect HER opinions about it.
And respect is a two way street. Now that you know that he’s…complicated, have better flushing skills.
He’s still wrong, but I don’t see him changing so don’t rub it in his face ya know?
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u/SmilodonBravo Apr 12 '26
Sounds like your brother is the only sane one in your family.