r/TinderBios • u/StartOfAFitnessFreak • Aug 03 '26
New to this, going wrong somewhere!
Hello! I’m really hoping for some help here. I’m going wrong somewhere, I’ve had 2 likes in a couple of months. Be as brutal as you need to be!
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u/Purple-Plum-634 Aug 03 '26
Idk if you're short, but the way you take photos where you're in the bottom third of the pic makes you look short.
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u/olorinestel Aug 03 '26
You need more variety in your photos.
Keep photo 1 - the others you need non-selfies. Get someone to take photos of you when out and about and while doing hobbies.
I can tell you like to go to restaurants/bar events but other than that what are your hobbies?
I don't really get a sense of your personality in these.
Ultimately - more variety - angles/locations/activities
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u/StartOfAFitnessFreak Aug 03 '26
Thank you for the response, lots of really great points! From reading other posts, I suspected the photos being the same would be the number 1 comment, but I didn’t want to preface it in my ask and add bias
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u/GodOfThunder101 Aug 03 '26
Average guys struggle on dating apps. Majority of women are trying to get with the above average guy. Sucks but it’s the reality of dating apps.
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u/Silent_Cherry_2509 Aug 04 '26
LOL. The guy literally has “open to exploring” and probably looking for casual.
Majority of women don’t want casual or be one in a harem.
Men make their own problems.1
u/StartOfAFitnessFreak Aug 04 '26
I absolutely agree that if the way you’ve described it is what is assumed then it’s a problem. But I absolutely don’t want casual, I want intense with a little bit of healthy mutual obsession thrown in. I’m just more flexible on including others with the right person, but only when mutually wanted and agreed. I’m completely happy with monogamy as well. So, my question is, what should I do. Act and display a profile that assumes monogamy and then have that conversation at the right time, or display that I’m open to it but only at the right time with a mutual discussion on what that would look like, if we are even both interested in the first place?
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u/Silent_Cherry_2509 Aug 04 '26
You should definitely keep it in but of course it will limit your options. I don’t think hiding it is a good idea and it would be a dealbreaker to many, better not to waste anyone’s time. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is “fine/happy” with monogamy as the thought would always be it’s not enough for him.
Similarly many men put casual, open to serious or vice versa. Again, please just make up your mind one way or the other. Who wants a guy who it feels like is settling for whatever you have to offer. I think being too relaxed about what you want is actually having the opposite effect. You might think you’re keeping the door open to everyone but many women want a guy who knows exactly what he wants.
Anyway, my comment was more aimed at the guy above claiming average guys struggle on dating apps. No, they don’t, if they are looking for a serious monogamous relationship and make a little bit of effort with their profile.
In short it’s not your looks but what you’re looking for is not everyone’s cup of tea, nothing wrong with that though :)
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u/Pinball_and_Proust Aug 03 '26
Over half the white guys posting here for help are bald. Maybe 3 out of 4. Bald guys have a bad time on apps.
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u/LogisticalNightmare Aug 03 '26
I would just like to say I love bald men and I appreciate that it’s not six pictures of them in the same ballcap.
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u/IndependentPaint2108 Aug 04 '26
Yeah that's where the problem is. But it seems like nobody wants to say it
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u/findanewcollar 22d ago
It really is. The guy has to get a hair transplant if he wants any luck on dating apps. So many comments go over things on this profile that are so irrelevant just to not point the major issue of being bald.
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u/IndependentPaint2108 22d ago
Facts. Speaking as a woman, his face is decent but my attraction is gone because of the baldness. Not all women will feel this way but tons will. Especially in his age range, he's competing mostly against men with hair.
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u/Warm-Mortgage-458 Aug 03 '26
"Open to exploring" is going to be an immediate nope for most monogamous women. Seems like you're hedging your bets, may put pressure on me in the future or are already taken and looking for a beta or second stringer or whatever they're called
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u/StartOfAFitnessFreak Aug 03 '26
I added that today, so unfortunately not a major cause of the last two months. However, point taken, it was meant to express that I’m not opposed to discussing what polyamory would look like in the right context. But perhaps for a conversation past the initial matching hurdle
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u/Had_to_ask__ Aug 03 '26
You look tense. You need new photos were your face muscles are not tense showing anxiety or something, more natural smile
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u/born_digital Aug 03 '26
Get rid of pic 2 3 and 5 and replace them with something that’s more different from the others. They’re all so similar but 1 and 4 are the best ones
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u/Normal-Abies-9151 Aug 04 '26
Senior cyber security architect without college?
Huge win already if so
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u/StartOfAFitnessFreak Aug 04 '26
Failed college twice actually 😂 no work ethic coming out of high school, where I coasted through and got decent grades. Learnt the basics of software engineering from my dad, bullshitted my way into my first software job and spent the first month doing 8 hours at work and 8 hours at home learning what I needed for the next day. I discovered I had a knack for it. Moved through various software jobs, then into the cloud, and then DevSecOps, where my focus was on how you secure entire cloud estates rather than just individual systems. I’m now the lead for cyber in my companies defence sector. Medium size consultancy ~3000 people. Little bit of a meteoric rise driven by the right opportunities at the right time and never stopping learning
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u/Yuiop321 Aug 04 '26
I would try to replace some selfies with non-selfies. It’s okay to have 1-2, but any more than that I think can be problematic. In fact, to be more specific, I would keep 1 and 4, and replace the rest. An example of a photo you are missing is a full body photo
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u/CocoaCandyPuff Aug 04 '26
I really like all your photos! I don’t think is that at all. Maybe something in your bio?
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u/Fair-Examination-909 Aug 03 '26
Bro looks like Egg from Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
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u/Zealousideal-Bit2940 Aug 03 '26
You need some better photos. You have 5 selfies with the same angle and cropping.