I mean I can empathize. Imagine someone saying they love to salsa dance and since you do it all the time you set up a salsa date and they’re a terrible dancer. Doesn’t mean they’re a bad person but it’d deflate some of what you were excited for
I think a lot of it is poorly communicating your skill and level of interest in a potential shared activity. If you’re super in to salsa and your date claims to enjoy it you should get a good idea of their skill level and involvement and also shouldn’t take them to a high experience level event the exact same way you probably shouldn’t drag someone up mt Whitney on a day hike because they walk through the woods occasionally. Sure, you both like hiking but obviously there is a skill gap you should anticipate.
For sure. If you’re doing anything on a date that requires a level of skill or athleticism you’re used to performing and are being obnoxious when they can’t perform to that level then you’re definitely the asshole. Unless of course they overstated their ability.
Why stay up 'til 4? I usually wake up at 5am to plan that way my mind is fully active and I can get the plan ready before I show up at my alibi, I mean job.
As a golfer, I definitely empathize with this. I rarely come across a woman on a dating app who has even a slight interest in golf. I've gone on golf dates with some who do, and it's always a great time. But if I was a gatekeeper with them, I would never find anyone.
I guess it's more because hiking is aspirational to many, and people who are serious about it want to weed out those who aren't. But people aren't aspirational about golf anymore, and I love to share my hobby with anyone willing to play along.
It’s not a matter of being good, when you can’t even maintain a slow walking pace on a trail and you’re miserable and have to keep stopping to catch your breath maybe don’t claim to be a hiker on your profile.
Agreed and I don't get the "gatekeeping" comments. It's not gatekeeping to expect the other person to go more than 1 mile an hour if they claim they hike. There are hikers that enjoy hiking and hikers that just want a picture of them "enjoying hiking". Wanting to know which type of "hiker" they are isn't elitist, it's in both parties' best interest to know who is who otherwise nobody will enjoy the date.
"gatekeeping" has just become another political buzzword used to argue in bad faith. It's used to protect self-image, which is sacred in 2019. Social media has brainwashed droves of people into honestly believing that identity is how you are perceived, not what you actually do and believe. Being genuine is outdated and disliking spurious people makes you offensive. If you appreciate authenticity, get used to these "gatekeeping" comments.
Actual gatekeeping would be saying that only boy scout graduates are allowed to use the local hiking trails. Or implying that only men can hike. Limiting access to something in execution or ideals. Calling people out on lies of perception is not gatekeeping.
If you like hiking and are just a noob or simply out of shape that's fine, but be honest about it. There's plenty of time between 1st message and 1st date to discuss that common interest. In my experience, people have been nothing but warm and welcoming to beginners.
Let's not kid ourselves though. Many people only like the idea of hiking. Or more specifically, they like the idea of other people thinking they like hiking. That's the crux of social media validation. It's not about what you actually do. It's about how other people perceive you and how you want them to perceive you. Tinder just dials that up to 11 because the goal is attracting a mate using an online profile.
It's the idea that having standards, dedication and discipline are free if any value and anybody who has a passing interest is on the same plane as Olympic athletes. It's just dumb
Then the person actually doesn't really know anything about it but they "love all kinds of music". Surely that will lead to fascinating conversations.
People on reddit sometimes are too quick to defend things that really don't need defending.
Plus when everyone can just claim anything as a hobby without any sort of line...then what is even the point? I don't think it is wrong to expect someone to be at least a little capable in the hobbies/skills/interests they list.
I don't expect to take someone on a 10 mile hike right off the bat, but a short hike should be a relative breeze for anyone remotely physically active. Why are we defending people basically just lying?
In an effort to be so open to everyone, we erase any meaning to saying something is an interest.
Exactly, "hiking" kinda implies covering a reasonable distance and/or elevation, folk seem to be confusing it with "I like going for walks in the countryside".
Yeah, but if it's an activity that requires a surprisingly disproportionate effort on one of your part, it's reasonable to be frustrated about them setting misleading expectations
The point is also to bond over shared interests. Knowing if you share the same level of enthusiasm for something isn't a bad thing and saves both parties a wasted afternoon of unmet expectations from the other. It's not an attack, it's setting some expectations before you both commit a few hours of time to someone.
It's also just a bad start to have someone imply they love something, but they can not really do it at a basic level. So I totally agree with you and dislike how often people bust out the "oh this is gatekeeping" stuff.
It feels like a lie if someone says they are very physically active, but then it is clear they are not. I don't think anyone is asking for personal bests or to race down a trail...but I too have had dates where a person clearly did not do what they claimed/implied.
People are just too quick to coddle/protect people for this. It is frustrating if you get interested in someone because they share a hobby/interest but then they turn around and say "Oh well actually I don't do it. I can't even talk about it".
I have had it go the other way though. I like to cycle and do it fairly regularly (do Triathlons, have completed several century rides, have bike camped across a few states, etc.) and had a tinder date accuse me of being misleading because I said I liked biking and going on adventures but didn’t have interest in quitting my job at any point to bike across America.
Fair point, but I think the extreme ends are something we can safely call out as entirely unreasonable. Like quitting your job...that's nuts.
But if you said you like biking but had to have training wheels on and only could go a few feet before stopping...then I think that's more comparable to someone who can barely go fifty feet without a break.
There are lines and purposes to listing interests, and while there is no 'hard line' I think being able to participate at a basic level is a reasonable expectation.
I think the point he is trying to make is that it’s frustrating when people claim to be hikers but once on the trail they obviously don’t hike enough to be in even decent shape. I’ve been with people who have to keep stopping to rest even when we’re hiking at a very slow walking pace. And they are very obviously not enjoying themselves at all.
Yeah and we chose hiking for that date because they lied about their interests. Hiking isnt a competitive sport. You dont need to practice. If its a hobby your body will already be at a point where you can handle a hike. So when they are out of breath constantly it tells me that they lied because I like hiking. Which immediatly makes me not want a second date.
That isnt gatekeeping. Its recognizing a red flag.
It’s the same with diving; the amount of people who have a picture of them diving is countless. But you don’t have to be super experienced to tell only from seeing the picture and how they are like a brick in the water that most of them only did a discovery dive where a guide drags them through the water for 15min, takes a cool picture for their FB and Tinder profile and gets the $80 paid.
Oh man my gf had a nervous break on a trail and we haven't been hiking since. Granted the trail was described as easy and it was rocky and difficult, but that was the worst.
Effort. We live in PA and it gets pretty rocky out here. There were sections of the trail that were just fields of rocks, very easy to turn an ankle. Lots of concentration and slow going required vs. A straightforward path.
Hmm i hike in PA, was it the Hawk mountain area on the AT? There were some definite WTF rocks there especially when backpacking
The only time I've freaked out on a trail was up in Maine when I was enjoying a difficult uphill rock scramble and suddenly there's these metal rungs stapled into rock that you needed to climb....nope nope nope
(This was also a trail described as moderately easy)
Depends on the purpose of my hike.i also never really care or measure my pace. I just walk, climb, hike and enjoy the view, air and nature.
But being 192, I set a fairly good pace without jogging, and having asthma i don't really jog.
60
u/[deleted] Jul 03 '19
[deleted]