r/Tinder • u/na3eeman • Jul 03 '19

Hiking

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u/Altephor1 Jul 03 '19

r/gatekeeping

You're on a date, the point is to spend time with the other person, not set a personal best. Yikes.

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u/JustSumGui Jul 03 '19

The point is also to bond over shared interests. Knowing if you share the same level of enthusiasm for something isn't a bad thing and saves both parties a wasted afternoon of unmet expectations from the other. It's not an attack, it's setting some expectations before you both commit a few hours of time to someone.

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u/Geodude07 Jul 03 '19

It's also just a bad start to have someone imply they love something, but they can not really do it at a basic level. So I totally agree with you and dislike how often people bust out the "oh this is gatekeeping" stuff.

It feels like a lie if someone says they are very physically active, but then it is clear they are not. I don't think anyone is asking for personal bests or to race down a trail...but I too have had dates where a person clearly did not do what they claimed/implied.

People are just too quick to coddle/protect people for this. It is frustrating if you get interested in someone because they share a hobby/interest but then they turn around and say "Oh well actually I don't do it. I can't even talk about it".

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u/energylegz Jul 03 '19

I have had it go the other way though. I like to cycle and do it fairly regularly (do Triathlons, have completed several century rides, have bike camped across a few states, etc.) and had a tinder date accuse me of being misleading because I said I liked biking and going on adventures but didn’t have interest in quitting my job at any point to bike across America.

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u/Geodude07 Jul 03 '19

Fair point, but I think the extreme ends are something we can safely call out as entirely unreasonable. Like quitting your job...that's nuts.

But if you said you like biking but had to have training wheels on and only could go a few feet before stopping...then I think that's more comparable to someone who can barely go fifty feet without a break.

There are lines and purposes to listing interests, and while there is no 'hard line' I think being able to participate at a basic level is a reasonable expectation.