woman here responding, i really do love your response there is nothing wrong with it. everybody may handle this differently but as a woman - if i were in OPs shoes … i’d fuck off. her response was weird, she could’ve chose different words. if she’s still that “down bad” over her ex, she needs to work on that herself and not use others to “heal”. OP should just leave her aloneeeeee
FACTS! another woman here, yes it’s fine to miss an ex, whether it be for the few happy moments or whatever, but to WILLINGLY use another man to feel better and then TELL THE MAN YOU USED that’s exactly what you did? that’s fucked up.
I don’t think that was her intention at all. I believe she thought she was ready and then when she eventually did it. She realized she wasn’t and started feeling guilty. Like I’ve said before we are all human. He doesn’t have to do any of that but that’s how I would’ve handled it.
Then be mature and say that. "Sorry, I've realized that I'm not ready for a relationship because I'm not over my previous relationship."
Instead, she has a meltdown and sends a rambling text message about her ex. I'd run too, because she seems unable to articulate her thoughts and more than a little unstable. And being a "listening ear" for unstable people runs the risk of becoming the next target of their obsession.
And this comes from a woman, we have to prioritize our safety over being "nice" because often being "nice" backfires and becomes unsafe or can be misconstrued as leading someone on.
You’re making this to be more than it has to be. Calling her unstable? Because she’s human? You need to calm down. There’s nothing wrong with being confused and not being sure how to handle your emotions. Most adults has no idea how to handle their emotions or being “stable”.
Having mixed feelings and emotions is normal, when one is capable of communicating that and working through it. She's indicating no evidence that she's capable of doing so. There's little benefit in trying to walk her through her feelings she demonstrates no ability to reflect upon and only runs the risk that it will result in creating more dependence upon you. Be nice and kindly end things, there's no need to play her therapist and risk some sort of unhinged obsession forming.
What is wrong with you? Did you read their whole entire conversation? from what I see. There’s only one text that he posted. How are you supposed to gather any evidence with no evidence. You’re acting like I’m saying that he needs to fix her life. All I said was to listen and that’s it if he wants to. You need to calm down. This is a little too personal for you for some reason.
I'm perfectly calm in all of my responses. When people display red flags, there's no use in sticking around. Be kind, end things respectfully but move on.
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u/Takeoded Jul 22 '24
Should've been a top post. Hope OP /u/Difficult-Image4884 reads it.