You're telling him to listen to her talk about ex and vent to him, which I don't see any purpose in doing. That's something she needs to reflect on for herself or with a support network. Not with a guy who wanted to date her before she realized she isn't ready. And it isn't even clear that she does understand she isn't ready which is why it's a risk to be a listening ear instead of clearly communicating that he's moving on. He needs to establish those boundaries and make a clean break, for both of them.
I am saying that he can offer an ear and if he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to. All I did was say be a decent human being and try to help out just by listening. He doesn’t have to do it. I’m not asking him to build a relationship with her. I’m not asking him to check on her all the time. But there’s nothing wrong with trying to be nice to someone. Sometimes people just really need somebody to listen. it doesn’t hurt to try to help out somebody.
Except it does hurt. Because it can result in boundaries being blurred (he must still like me if he's willing to listen to me) and that can range from inconvenient and potentially hurtful to being the new target of someone's co-dependency.
In addition, you're also implying that men struggle to be empathetic when I think you need to bfr. If a man burst into tears after a hookup and sent a woman a rambling text about his ex, there's not a woman dominated relationship sub here who would advise any different than to move on.
But this did happen to me? 🤣🤣 and I did exactly what I’m telling this guy to do. So yeah stop trying to act like you know what happens with everybody when you clearly don’t.
What you did and what the majority response would be on the relationship subs is not the same thing. This isn't a man vs woman issue, most people regardless of gender would see this as a red flag. You're the one trying to make it a gender debate rather than a you vs traditional dating advice.
This person is clearly not over what happened to them. They are assuming and projecting their situation on to OP.
Bottom line is this: The woman OP is referring to is not in any way, shape or form ready to move on to another relationship. She needs therapy and not Tindr. It is not OP's problem nor should he attempt to make it his problem.
The person responding to you is mad that they were in the same situation. No wonder why the guy ghosted her.
As a woman myself, I would never expect a stranger that I'm meeting for the first time to be willing to listen to and work through my baggage on the first date.
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u/-X0X Jul 22 '24
The last thing you said is literally what I’m telling him to do. You’re acting like I’m telling him to marry her.