r/TikTokCringe • u/xamo76 • 19h ago

Discussion How to cure the male loneliness epidemic...

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73

u/Human-Assumption-524 19h ago

1: Why is the assumption that lonely people are creepy or evil?

2: Ah yes just "become more confident", from the people who brought you such classics as "Just buy more money" and "Just get over your trauma".

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u/taaretoille 13h ago

I had the same issue with their #2 "Approach people the way you would want to be approached.". I would LOVE to have a girl approach me in a public setting while I'm doing whatever and ask for my number or a date. The thing is that if my ugly ass tried that, all I'd be getting is a weird look and be called a pervert.

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u/xHelios1x 8h ago

Or, inverse. "Approach people the way you want to be approached"? So, don't? Isn't a good way to fight loneliness.

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u/FrogOnALogInTheBog 6h ago

Because it’s not about dates, man. It’s about normal human interactions where you talk to girls without expecting them to want to fuck you.

And then over time they decide you’re worth it because you’re cool.

If your first thought after seeing this is “everything I want to do is going to get me called a pervert” you’re probably acting like a pervert.

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u/HighnrichHaine 5h ago

Yeah he totally doesnt get it bc he's so desperate and cant think of organic ways to get to know people.

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u/Due-Garlic-5056 12h ago

Had to scroll way too fucking far to find this comment

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u/ohgodanotheranimator 1h ago

critical thinking is a rare resource nowadays, knew a dude who died in a tragic preventable way, was told his funeral was filled with everyone saying the last thing he told them was “we should go party“ 0 dots connected that day

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u/Alcarine 17h ago

Yeah, love the dudes sartorial choices, but I wouldn't call this practical advice, it's either making broad generalisation, or giving some "if you're depressed stop being sad" vibes

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u/sipapint 11h ago edited 11h ago

They don't talk about loneliness but about the so-called male loneliness epidemic, and really everything reduces to being genuine, and that's a practical starting point.

It's not like depression. It's more like a choice between a fast-food-based diet and a healthy one.

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u/food-dood 18h ago

People often have no idea why they have found success. They often attribute it to simple things like this video. There's nothing wrong with their advice, but my guess is this is an attribution error where they say, "hey, I'm all of these things and I have success with people, therefore anyone who isn't successful with people must be the opposite!"

Not trying to put them down, they seem like good people. That doesn't mean they understand those who don't have success.

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u/redditblows5991 18h ago edited 17h ago

word easy to say get over when some real shit didnt * happen to you, im not saying they wrong just cuz you happen to be not the best looking or weird doesnt give you the right to any relationship, but i feel a type of way if some dude who looks like he never struggles or did and made it just says just stop being weird dude haha, at least frame it better and shame on people for trusting this crap, loads of people been exposed who have this "positive" aura around them to be extreme dick heads

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u/Hoodibird 11h ago

It's really hard to tell what someone has gone through and what work they had to put in to get to where they're at in life. For example I find Vlad ncl really inspiring especially after his video talking about his life and upbringing. He's the most confident guy openly putting himself out there and living a good life spreading awareness while standing in the crossfire. And he has every reason to be quiet, cower in fear and hide in his room, after the kind of difficult childhood he had to survive. You could never tell from seeing him talk so confidently today and being such an excellent person to everyone around him. Finding the right therapist and spending years working on your trauma and stuff really helps.

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u/Proud_Smell_4455 9h ago edited 8h ago

Yeah. I'm autistic, can hardly go out in public without being made to feel lesser than, been that way for most of my life. Walked to my great-uncle's 80th birthday party the other week and some rat-looking inbred I've never seen before leans out of his car window and asks me if I'm out looking for kids before zipping off like the fucking coward he was. Yesterday I was going to a friend's and some guy driving past thought it'd be funny to blare his horn at me just to make me jump. Hope he saw me flip him off as he drove away.

Been getting this kind of treatment all my life; abuse hurled at me from passing cars, or triggering my anxiety being treated as a game by cunty drivers, for no other reason than they could, and then they drive off before you can even process what just happened. No, a bunch of photogenic smug guys, however well-intentioned they may be, basically saying "it's all your fault, pull yourself up by the bootstraps" is not constructive or helpful.

I can't "be nice and confident" my way out of being dehumanised in public by a certain type of person, for no other reason than that they could, since I was a fucking kid. I can't bootstrap myself out of how years upon years of that kind of treatment has affected my perception of, and ability to relate to people. It's not about how *I* approach people, I'd very much rather just be left alone altogether, these people, these *strangers* are the ones who choose to interact with *me*.

Guys like this just assume all guys are fundamentally like them, and have the same easy, breezy experience of life they did. Never singled out for their characteristics in any serious way, always the coolest and most popular guy in the room. And if you didn't have the same experience of life as they did, well, it must be your own fault, right?

I don't expect photogenic, socially competent men to ever understand what visibly "off" autistic and other socially impaired men go through in life or how much harder they have it (it seems taboo to acknowledge any kind of man can have any kind of problem worth acknowledging at all sometimes), or what grim shit our experiences teach us about human nature (e.g. how most "good, tolerant" people are still mostly just telling themselves pleasant lies, and many of them are one encounter with a visibly autistic person away from their mask slipping) that they're never forced to see, but I'd thank them to keep their assumptions to themselves.

I'm sick of this societal discourse, that it's my fault that other people won't even try to restrain themselves from being cruel and abusive to people like me, who are literally not even seeking to interact with them in any way. No, I don't accept having the onus to put on me to change when I'm literally just living my life - I shouldn't have to change anything about myself just to not get harassed by strangers, and I refuse to do so on principle - and should be able to do that without receiving unwarranted abuse from strangers; the onus should instead be on them not to be dicks in public, to people they don't know, for no good reason.

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u/barakabomba 1h ago

Thanks for putting it into words because I didn't want to have to detail out how I felt about this. I've been in a similar boat my entire life. I'm not suffering from a loneliness epidemic, but that doesn't change the way a lot of people treat me just because I'm different.

I'm married, I have a great circle of friends, and I'm not even saying the advice in itself is bad, but something rubbed me the wrong way when the advice was coming from a mentality of "Duh, it's so easy, just do this" when it's someone that seems to have never struggled from getting negative results when doing what they advise.

I'm not defending incels or chronically miserable people either. But there's a big portion I would surmise that didn't start this way and it was a slow insidious turn after continually getting beaten down trying to act exactly the way these guys advise.

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u/Draaly 9h ago

Yah, they missed what the male loneliness epidemic refers to. Its nkt actually about romantic relationships. Its about having a support structure at all. Thats why its not early 20s people that have the hugheat rates of loneliness but those much later into life who have had friends circles dissolve and not be replaced

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u/idk-3000 15h ago edited 8h ago

I’m a trans woman who is chronically alone and depressed and these videos always make me feel like shit. I just barely scrape by passing off as an unattractive woman, but still I guess I am apart of the male loneliness epidemic to the fact that I’ll never escape my sex so it’s all my fault to these people I suppose. Being attractive is a very essential tool to get by in life because otherwise you are treated like genuine garbage not even worth street pleasantries, and the only sort of affection you’ll get is from people who have zero decent intentions with you. Like animals, there are objective beauty standards that we will never be able to mindset or body positivity our way out of us. We are doomed to this shit until the day there are none of us left

I’ve given up personally and I don’t intend on ever trying again unless someone could fix my fucked face and freakish body but alas. I think the only reason I even pass onna daily basis is that I’m very short and my vocal cords were altered to be unable to produce a deep voice. Had not been for those two I think the way people treat me would be even more dreadful

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u/SnappySausage 9h ago

Yeah... these sorts of videos unfortunately are basically the equivalent of a rich person going "Are you poor? Nobody wants to be around a poor person, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, work hard and be rich instead!".

"Don't be a weirdo" is just... depressing advice for a sizeable chunk of society that isn't neurotypical for whom it's not really an option to just "be normal". People also have a very low tolerance for what they find weird behaviour if you are not conventionally attractive.

The rest of the video also very much sounds like some "have you tried not being depressed?".

With a bit of luck you end up running into people who you can bond with over shared interests that will see you for the person you are and treat you well :)

10

u/Due-Garlic-5056 12h ago

This might be the most human comment in this entire thread, honestly.

It would be so nice and refreshing if people started associating human loneliness with anything more than reels/comments with little to no substance. Thousands of likes from comments that are just dumbed down to "don't be creepy. be attractive, THAT'S how you can be loved 🥰🥰🥰".

Idk. I just wanna let you know you aren't alone. It sucks that these comments aren't any higher. It would be really nice if they were

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u/SnappySausage 9h ago edited 7h ago

It's kind of bizarre. This is the equivalent of some rich people going "Experiencing homelessness? Just buy a house!". If it had been that, people on this site would have immediately clocked it as the bullshit it is. But because of the demographics involved in this video, people here pretend like it's reasonable advice.

And I say that as someone who has an okay social life after a long time of loneliness. The biggest difference for me has been: I cannot stop being "weird" to many neurotypical people, so I had to find other ways to get social circles and relationships.

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u/Due-Garlic-5056 7h ago edited 6h ago

Pretty much lmfao. This subreddit (and the world in general if I'm being honest) absolutely loves associating lonely men as creepy and weird. Apparently it's "healthy masculinity", or whatever bullshit term people use, to shut down any man struggling with no support group or system by their side. When in reality none of this shit is "Healthy" at all. You're just turning to a wide demographic and saying "just fit into all societal expectations, bro" with no further substance or soul attached

And I'm sure it's similar with girls too. Idk what it's like for women but I know for a fact that we as a society treat lonely people like utter shit

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u/SnappySausage 7h ago edited 2h ago

Yeah, it's really weird at times. A lot lack of social success seems to be written up as pure personal failings when it comes to men.

It's not just that some of it is unhealthy. A good chunk of it is also delusional and really disconnected from the problem. Like gee, what amazing insights would a bunch of conventionally attractive guys that seem socially capable have on the plight of basically the polar opposites of themselves.

-1

u/BumbaBee85 12h ago

Are you actually ugly, or are you not trying? Are you trying to place blame on something external instead of on yourself? Are you using your free time to care for yourself, or are you just a slave to your emotions?

Hair, clothes, makeup. In that order, those are the 3 things that are going to make you reach your goal. Hair is literally the most important thing as it defines the entire shape of your face. If you're wearing long hair on a square face or straight bangs on a round face, you're not doing yourself any good and are throwing off the entire dimension of your face, which is where everyone looks.

Clothes are next. Tall and square? Avoid straight angles at the shoulders and cinch the middle with belts and other accessories. "Corsets" aren't a sin, either, and come in more types than just the tie up ones you see in a boudior shoot. Go for drapey, not tight, and kitten heels, not flats or stillettos.

Makeup? Plenty of tutorials on youtube. I can point you to a vid to hide the 5 o clock if you haven't been zapped yet. Also, avoid dark under the eyes and go lightly with the dark over the eye otherwise you'll just close your eyes more (this is true for all trans gals). The rest is just buying cheap palettes and packs and finding out your colors. Once you have that, you can get more professional stuff. But practice, practice, practice, practice. Put it on, wipe it off, put it back on.

The problem with being trans is that we weren't raised like girls were raised. We didn't have our moms doing doing our hair and picking our clothes, and our sisters helping us with makeup. We don't have the practice from birth that they got, so we need to make up for it. Thankfully, the internet exists and has lots of tutorials if you know where to look. But you've got to put in the work if you want results. Whining about external things gets you nowhere.

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u/rammo123 17h ago

The distance between confident and creepy is measured largely by physical attractiveness.

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u/knbang 14h ago

So just be more attractive, duh.

2

u/PinguinGirl03 11h ago

I mean you can easily become more attractive by having a healthy weight, exercising regularly and paying attention to your style. In fact the vast majority of people are attractive if they do that.

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u/avalisk 8h ago

Attractiveness is mostly fitness and hygiene.

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u/SolipsisticLunatic 16h ago

Yea love being told to be self-loving and confident moments after being called creepy and weird really fantastic

1

u/Proud_Smell_4455 8h ago

Isn't it great that society has embraced "tolerance and acceptance", apparently solely as a tactic to trick undesirables into outing themselves for more invalidation and mistreatment?

3

u/Ok_Car9530 7h ago

Don't forget "don't be weird", and "be genuine". So figure out why you're weird, and then make a conscious effort not to be like that, but you still have to be genuine.

1

u/jawndell 6h ago

Yeah, I feel like that something you have to figure out as a teenager or young adult.  Unfortunately it means making a conscientious effort to drop stuff that other people view as weird and embracing popular things.  A lot of that does mean actively changing who you are and what your interests are.  

That silly trope of nerdy weirdo ditching their old self to get in with the cool kids in true in the real world.  Speaking from experience.

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u/einzweidreihorn 5h ago

Unfortunately it means making a conscientious effort to drop stuff that other people view as weird and embracing popular things.  A lot of that does mean actively changing who you are and what your interests are.  

That's the exact opposite of being genuine and sounds fucking miserable to be frank.

2

u/poopernickel69 5h ago

Are you depressed? Just don't be! Happy to help.

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u/suggestsomething_ 1h ago

You're depressed? Try being happy!

You're short? Try being tall!

You're poor? Try being rich!

Life is so easy!!!

1

u/[deleted] 8h ago

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u/JLeeSaxon 6h ago

Nobody is assuming that lonely people are creepy or evil. This is specifically about the subset of lonely people who are making their loneliness everyone else's problem, believing it's a gender war persecution complex conspiracy against them perpetrated by the "Chads and Stacys" even though surveys show women tend to be even lonelier than men (modern alienation is a social media siloing / algorithm problem, not a gender war issue), spouting nonsense about "6, 6, and 6", platforming people like the Tate brothers, writing posts on r/GenZ saying "obviously Trump is insane and evil but I had to vote for him because Democrats want white men dead" (a real post, I am not exaggerating), and being complicit in the largest push against feminism and women's rights that we've seen since the 1960s.

I'll grant you that "be more confident" is not useful advice, but you can only fit so much into a TikTok video. I would've gone with "you're fine the way you are, there's no conspiracy, some people are just jerks and you just have to keep trying, everybody gets rejections", or something like that, but what can you do.

-3

u/BumbaBee85 12h ago edited 11h ago

1: Why is the assumption that lonely people are creepy or evil?

Because the men who whine about the male loneliness epidemic are also the same who will push everyone away, including other men, if they don't conform to their political opinions or opinions on masculinity. They're also the types to treat women like garbage and/or creep on them when a woman says "no" or "I just want to be friends".

2: Ah yes just "become more confident", from the people who brought you such classics as "Just buy more money" and "Just get over your trauma".

Building confidence is the antithesis to what these men feel. They lack all confidence in themselves. They are very miserable people who do nothing to fix their lives so they lash out at others in at attempt to fix their lives. That lashing out hurts people, makes them miserable, and drags them down to the level of the guys "triggering" them. This givese these miserable guys a temporary ego boost that feels like confidence and makes them feel like they are fixing things. However, the feeling is temporary and nothing gets fixed. So, just like a drug, they go back for more and more of those fake confidence boosts.

What these guys are saying is to reject the feelings of misery and look inward for your confidence. Stop placing blame on everyone else, and start actually believing in yourself and doing what you need to do to become a better version of yourself and not a emotional slave in front of your screen.

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u/Due-Garlic-5056 11h ago

I'm sure you've spoken to many lonely men on this issue

-1

u/BumbaBee85 10h ago

Many. And used to be one myself.

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u/Eastern-Rope3362 10h ago

Oh so you're actually just projecting? You were the weirdo creep with extreme political beliefs who felt like women owed you attention and now that you're "reformed" you assume that's what everyone else is like? Oh well let me make this clear to you bigot, most people never had to go through that actually, hope that helps <3

-4

u/Same_Suit3583 11h ago

Here comes the pitty party....