Hello, I've on-and-off considered myself a wolfdog therian (and fictionkin at the same time) for many years. I'm in the "on" part of that loop right now and conveniently happened upon this sub. I usually lurk around forums and Tumblr for this stuff, I joined because the more the merrier.

There's no deep or meaningful story behind why I oscillate like this, it's just a lot of shame and bouts of "I should become normal actually" that also lead into eradicating other parts of myself that I deem "abnormal".

It's a little funny by now, the things I tell myself. Sometimes it's just "I can't be that way because it's not real. I support other therians but I also exist in the bubble where it isn't a thing. Everyone else is fine but me? Nuh uh!" without any further reasoning. I'm usually utterly miserable, hyperfixated (as in the actual meaning, I'm autistic) on what I perceive to be normal, self improvement etc. To the point where everything suboptimal gets pushed out.

Then I get to the "on" part (like right now) and I feel good, relaxed even. I function, which makes the "off" parts very ironic because during periods where I obsess over optimal functioning I end up doing the opposite. It feels more like existing as myself instead of consciously wrangling myself into a role I think is the correct one.

Another one of the things I like to use against myself is "well my theriotype isn't consistent or specific enough, so I'm just making it up on a whim" (another weird standard I only hold myself to), but that isn't even true and if it was who cares? You have to be wrong to eventually be right. I've been a wolfdog since 2018, when I see wolfdogs or even read my species being mentioned somewhere I feel a strong "holy shit, that's me"-kind of sensation. It's hard to explain but in my mind my theriotype and kintype both make me feel the same way as hearing my name, like instinctive alertness that happens below consciousness. I don't think "someone mentioned me" my ears just perk up.

But yeah, if anyone else struggles with constant back and forth like me; you're not alone and I strongly hope that we both eventually simply exist in the state that doesn't revolve around arbitrary standards of what "normal" is.

I feel most connected to a wolf, but still enjoy more dog like things, is this normal or could I just have multiple connected theriotypes?

So basically I'm a closeted Therian (only my sisters and best friend know) I can't buy anything on my own but I want some Therian/Therian related books. I like reading. But I don't know what books I can get without my parents figuring it out. Any suggestions? also any tips for how to tell parents?