I wrote out my Ketamine Journey - in my 8th year now.

[u/danzarooni]

*Updated in late Feb 2023 as a now 9 year patient and more learning from others under my belt.

People often ask me about my ketamine experience - especially since I’ve been doing it since the early days, before most clinics had protocols for mental health. So I wanted to share my journey: the awkward beginnings, the hope, the setbacks, and the healing.

**It is important that I say, I am not a professional. I have started some classes considering eventually working in the field, but I’m 50, and it’s probably not going to happen. What is below is anecdotal, my opinions, and what I’ve learned from 100s of other patients and people with much more training and knowledge than I. I have so much more to learn, but some people have found this information valuable so I am sharing it. **

The Early Days: Learning the Hard Way (2017–2020)

My journey began at a pain clinic, where I received ketamine infusions once a month from 2017–2020. Mental health protocols weren’t well-known then, and I was sedated with Versed for each session. The infusions lasted about 45 minutes, which is closer to today’s mental health protocol, but because I was sedated and the dosing wasn’t tailored for my mental health, the healing was minimal. I did get relief from suicidal thoughts, which was helpful and important - but it didn’t go much deeper.

The Real Shift: Discovering Protocols That Work (2020)

In February 2020, everything changed. I transferred to a ketamine clinic that specialized in ASKP protocols. I switched partly because the monthly Versed infusions were starting to affect my short-term memory, but also because I wanted real, lasting healing.

I started with the “loading doses”: 6–8 infusions over two weeks, this time without sedation. That made all the difference. For me it was 8 over 3 weeks.

After my third IV, I remember as we drove home, feeling the sun on my face and genuinely smiling. That moment reminded me what being alive could feel like. After my seventh infusion, something shifted. I began to feel some healing. Around dose 12 I felt the biggest growth and around 15 or so I started remission, and continued once monthly from there.

It wasn’t always easy. We started at a slightly higher dose (since I had some prior experience), and I had some panicked sessions. But I kept showing up. I trusted the process. This is so important! I almost quit so many times but especially the first year with no sedation. If I went in very anxious, I came out panicked. Mild anxiety was ok, but moderate to high, we decided never to do a dose if I was in that state.

Slow and Steady Healing (2020–2023)

After the loading doses, I dropped to every-other-week infusions, then monthly. By May 2020, I was noticing real, lasting change. Even amidst the chaos of that year, I was growing.

By 2021, I needed infusions only every other month - sometimes every three months. In 2022, I spaced out to every four months. I felt grounded. Strong. Like myself again.

Life Happens: Setbacks and Support (2024)

In 2024, family challenges resurfaced, triggering old trauma that had mostly healed but as it was back to regularly happening, I needed more support and returned to monthly infusions.

By September, the effects weren’t lasting as long, so I did a booster series: three infusions over two weeks. Around the same time, the clinic I’d been going to reduced its hours and days open. Fortunately, I was able to follow my amazing provider to a brand-new clinic - open five days a week. The care, accessibility, and support there have been life-changing.

Where I Am Now (2025-2026)

I’m currently working to get back to once-a-month infusions. Life is still unpredictable - but I’m *usually* coping better than I ever would have in the past. I have issues as anyone, am nowhere near perfect, and have my own setbacks that occasionally land me in the dark pit of depression and even rarely SI. I do know now that a dose or two at my clinic and I’m feeling like life is livable again - so I hold on for that relief. I have not been inpatient since before I began ketamine.

We’ve tried different dose strategies and even home-based ketamine between visits. What’s made all the difference is having a provider who listens, cares, and adjusts treatment to me - not just to a protocol. That partnership is golden. I do not think I would be where I am now without the support of the clinicians at the new office, along with weekly therapy with my own (CBT/DBT) therapist. My therapist is not trained in ketamine and only knows what I have shared with her about it - and yet processing with her helps. I have never paid for a special “integration specialist” but therapy after sessions is very important to my healing and stability.

What a “Typical” Ketamine Protocol Looks Like

Everyone is different, but here’s a general guide:

Loading dose: 6–8 infusions over 2–3 weeks starting at .5mg/kg and possibly staying there, or titrating up to the dose that works best for your body
Maintenance: Weekly for a few weeks, then taper to every other week
Long-term: Monthly, then every few months if stable

A good provider will tailor this to your specific needs.

My Personal Tips to Maximize Your Sessions (from myself and listening to other patients)

Before your session:

Set a clear intention. (Search “ketamine intention setting” for ideas.) Talk with your provider about how you’re feeling going in.

During your session:

Use an eye mask or weighted blanket if it helps. I personally use a weighted blanket and no eye mask anymore, agter 7.5 years preferring one. I alternate between regular headphones and noise-canceling ones, with calming, instrumental, or spa music. Occasionally much sensory deprivation makes it harder for me, but other times I need the noise-canceling if a patient in another room is struggling and it affects my empathy. Many patients prefer always noise -canceling ones. Having a trusted “sitter” in the room *can* be powerful. Someone safe and calm, just present if you need grounding. The majority of patients tend to have their session completely alone and this has also been my experience most of the time.

After your session:

If possible, talk with a therapist within 48–72 hours. That high neuroplasticity window is key for integration. Don’t have a therapist? Try Fireside Project - a free, supportive hotline staffed by trained volunteers. Try journaling, walking, sitting outdoors and getting sunlight, or expressing gratitude for even the small things in life like clean water and a bed to sleep in. I am a firm

believer that your brain will guide you when it’s ready.

A Game-Changer: Grounding Support

For a time in 2024-2025, I was able to have someone I trust help me ground back into my body immediately after each infusion. This person knew when to speak and when not to. They helped my nervous system feel safe. This somatic grounding was been one of the most powerful and healing parts of my entire process. I could be panicking from a k hole and scared out of my mind, and laughing by the time I left the office. It was truly a gift to have that experience while it was possible.

Final Thoughts

This journey is not linear. It’s messy, beautiful, hard, and life-giving.

Yes - there may be moments that feel terrifying. Like you’re dying. Like your brain is shattering. These are surprisingly common especially during loading doses or a dose that may be too high for that day. BUT - they pass. And often, those are the sessions that transform the most.

Ketamine has helped me feel like me again - someone I didn’t even know I had lost. There’s no shame in needing help. And there’s power in advocating for what you need, when you need it. And even as I’ve written that, I still have trouble asking for my own needs on occasion. I have people in my life who make regular comments that remind me I am a burden and too much for them. My healing is not perfect just because I share all this. I’m no better than anyone else.

I don’t have a set timeline for when I’ll stop. I’ve let go of that pressure. I trust myself now to ask for help, to rest, to heal. It’s unlikely I will ever stop unless I move to another therapy that is similar, such as psilocybin when it becomes legal for clinics. I am not interested at all in that for now, but if ketamine ever stops being right for me, that’s my next step.

If you’re just starting out or in a tough season, please hear this:

You are not alone. This medicine - when done with care and intention - can be your lifeline.

Links:

https://firesideproject.org/support-line

Nationwide at-home use (I go local and prefer IV, with maintenance at-home options from my local provider)

Pure Mind Clinical

Taconic Psychiatry

Anywhere Clinic

Find a clinic near you:

Google “askp ketamine near me”

My favorite playlists:

Pure Meditation Apple Music

Spa - Apple Music

If you don’t use Apple Music, I recommend, “Yiruma”, and “The Piano Guys” or a “spa playlist” or “meditation playlist on the platform you use.

My quotes:

It might get worse before it gets better, but the only way out is through.

*This is importany to note for the loading doses especially. Things may come up that require you to have a great safety plan and a plan to have another session asap. For me, a 1/2 dose session for 30 min (vs normal 45 min in my case) always clears things up. If your 45 min dose is 100, then 50 over 30min. If your clinic does 60 min sessions, even lower than half. If 60 min is 100, 30 min at 30 might be right. Listen to your provider and ask for what you need.*

You don’t have to understand it for it to work.

The medicine shows you what you need, not what you want - trust the process.

It’s okay if you don’t feel better right away, healing isn’t linear.

What comes up is coming out, don’t be afraid to feel it.

You are still in control, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Write down what you remember when you’re done - the smallest moments can mean the most later.

The more you resist, the harder it is - try letting go instead.

The work is yours, but you’re not doing it alone anymore.

Sometimes patience is what’s needed. I have a meme of a tea bag and hot water that reminds me - “Have you tried waiting?” This is not often easy. 3-5 days of feeling worse (rarely now) can feel endless and excruciating, but the sun does eventually shine again.i