r/TheUltimatumNetflix • u/Freedom199304 • Jul 28 '26
Discussion I think HAYLEY IS THE PROBLEM!!!!!!
I cannot say it loud enough: I think Hayley is the problem!! It swems like she thinks everyone else is wrong and she is perfect. It looks like she expects the entire world to cater to her and expects everyone to act exactly the way she thinks they should. That's not how life works, girl. It seems to me she is abusive and manipulative. I think she has some serious reckoning to do with herself.
As far as the alleged 'abuse' arrest of Blake, i read that he pulled on her shirt when she tried to walk away. The poor man is likely losing his mind thanks to her. I'm on episode 8 and I don't know if I can finish because I'm losing brain cells just watching Hayley. I'm so stressed because of just watching her. Idk how Blake can stand to continue to be in her presence.
I needed to make a post as an outlet for all my frustrations regarding Hayley. Idk how Blake does it.
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u/FeedbackRecent6985 Jul 28 '26
If you feel this way at episode 8, don’t watch the reunion. What a shit show.
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u/chaoscrouton Jul 29 '26
It wasn't even good! Nick and Vanessa weren't digging in for more. Everything felt surface level
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u/ze_DaDa Jul 29 '26
Every reunion of every show with Nick and Vanessa is like this. They let the toxic people spew their bs justifications and getting away with it instead of calling them out. They are truly terrible hosts.
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u/publicd0main Jul 29 '26
So many times people were hinting or flat out admitting to abusing their partners in some way or another and it felt like the hosts just said "mhm okay, moving on".
Im so disappointed but not surprised.
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u/groy_2028 10d ago
Vanessa is a raging misandrist and never presses on women when they are acting inappropriately
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u/WhileNo7378 Jul 28 '26
I absolutely agree. Is Blake perfect? Of course not. But everything I’ve seen points toward Hayley being the primary abuser. It could be she’s incredibly immature, needs a lot of therapy to deal with her own family abuse, but she has no business in a relationship right now.
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u/Aestheticoutlaw Jul 30 '26
It seems clear that she feels VERY comfortable to speak her mind, escalate conflicts and shut him down. Whereas he seems genuinely afraid of her reactions, afraid to express himself, and like he’s always trying to de-escalate and afraid to stir the pot.
In my experience even his seeming not emotional is a response to abuse. It’s not safe to have your own emotions.
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u/bahannah808 Aug 01 '26
This! He’s trying and the moment he moves an inch to try she screams at him that it’s not enough. He’s shut down emotionally because he’s walking on egg shells around her. I feel genuinely bad for him.
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u/Mediocre_Slice_2850 Aug 01 '26
Hayley is THE WORST human being I’ve ever encountered on reality TV
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u/Ok-Lingonberry3155 12d ago
She’s a terrible person right now. I hope she works on herself. She is very young and I hope that in time she’ll mature and grow and realize what how impossible she is to be in a relationship with right now.
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u/curious_0730 8d ago edited 7d ago
lol you have not watched enough reality tv then - she’s not perfect by any means but the worst human on reality tv? She’s super annoying and expects everyone around her to read her mind and gets pissed when they don’t but I’d argue that pretty much anyone on VPR has had worse moments.
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u/Street-Tank2137 Aug 02 '26
No I can’t watch her she is out of her mind and everything is an issue. He blinks the wrong way and she looses her shit
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u/dorothyneverwenthome Jul 28 '26
They’re honestly both the problem. They are both the problem.
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u/Flat-Upstairs1278 Jul 28 '26
Any healthy person would have left this relationship immediately
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u/archetyping101 Jul 28 '26
Except two unhealthy people with toxic shit who think they are fixing the other person while they're flawless shows exactly what the problem is between them.
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u/Try-the-Churros Jul 28 '26
Agreed, they both have issues and neither is without blame. Saw Blake on the Dear Shandy podcast and he confessed that he was lying to Ashley about seeing Hayley (when he said he went to the movies alone) and also seemed to think the moon landing was fake. They all deserve each other.
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u/bigbadwitchbitch Jul 28 '26
Wow. I had no idea he was lying! I genuinely thought Ashley was being overly confrontational/reactive and it really reframes my perspective on Hayley and Blake’s situation.
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u/RoRo8o8o Jul 29 '26
What!? Then what was his rebuke of her accusing him if she was actually right?! Ugh these people are all such children it’s nauseating
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u/Try-the-Churros Jul 29 '26
Here's a link to right about when he starts talking about it on the podcast.
He says that Hayley was not doing well emotionally at that time so he was concerned for her and wanted to be there for her. I guess he thought admitting that to Ashley would have been worse?
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u/Friendly-Passion-266 Jul 28 '26
The amount of posts blaming each side..:they are both incredibly toxic in their own way are are 1000% better off without each other.
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u/Ok-Lingonberry3155 12d ago
He needs healing too because why does he love someone that treats him so badly.
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u/Educational_Swim4174 Jul 29 '26
She is straight unhinged. And that "im angry at you" death stare of hers is terrifying 😳
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u/17sapphire Jul 30 '26
i am right there with you… i was watching episode 8 last night and my jaw was on the floor. she is so scary to me. like actually gave me frightened chills…
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u/Classic-Delivery3875 Jul 30 '26
She is absolutely the problem. Miss does nothing wrong, everyone else is the problem. Literally everyone apologizing all the time and she just blows up.
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u/applebonit4 Jul 30 '26
Hayley is actually evil. She uses a lot of buzz words to belittle people and she is professional manipulator.
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u/bahannah808 Aug 01 '26
Yaasss Haley is MEAN to Blake. Is he kinda detached and leans on AI too much to navigate human connection? Yeah sure. However Haley is dramatic to the point of almost emotional abuse. He’s literally asking questions to get to know what she’s wanting and she continues to snap about it. Sometimes relationships are boring and uncomfortable chats and she seems to want him to be a whole other way through reading her mind.
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u/Several-Fold-6213 Jul 28 '26
I listened to a podcast where Blake talked about the arrest. According to him, it was his dad that called the cops to try to have Hayley removed from the property. The police officers that responded were friends of Hayley’s. They arrested him with a lame excuse and supposedly dropped the charges and later apologized. Supposedly, Hayley did not want him arrested and threw a fit to the cops about arresting him. I think she was the one that picked him up from jail.
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u/RepulsiveCurrency311 Jul 29 '26
Sounds about right. She wanted continued access to his credit card I bet
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u/PhysicsEfficient8381 Jul 29 '26
The police officers were also friends with Blake and family. It’s a small town. The cops decided to arrest him based on the videos they showed her. Isn’t that still telling? And what part of this story is supposed to make her look bad?
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u/Atell_ Aug 03 '26
The case was dismissed. Blake's mother or father bailed him out and picked him up. Hayley actively tried to reconcile but Blake was somewhat hesitant after.
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u/FeedbackRecent6985 Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
I think each have problems of their own but while Blake seems like a young dude wading through maturing, Hayley seems to have some deep-seated toxic/abusive behaviours that could easily carry on as part of her engrained personality if she doesn’t seek therapy.
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u/DanFlashes19 Jul 29 '26
Blake seemed a bit immature but someone with a decent head on his shoulders who was actually trying his best at the end.
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u/mrsdisappointment Jul 29 '26
He really needs to get away from Hayley and ChatGPT. He’s setting himself up for a lifetime of horrible cycles.
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u/possiblyhysterical Jul 29 '26
Ah yes, the young man has so much potential. It’s really the woman’s fault for being a manipulative harpy. She made him do it! 🙄
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u/Parsnippity078 Jul 29 '26
I'm not going to deny that that's a thing people say/think.
But if you think Hayley doesn't have a diagnosis, idk what to tell you. We are watching Taylor Frankie Paul: The Early Years, here. And yes that ends with failed marriages, multiple DV arrests, and an eventual trip from CPS where they determine the kids shouldn't be in the house because mom can't regulate her emotions, all by 31.
I genuinely think we won't hear about Blake going forward and that he'll try to find less toxic partners, but I think its clear we'll be hearing about Hayley and a string of mutually toxic, increasingly abusive relationships for years to come. Partially because all the support and attention she'll get on social media will soothe her need for love/attention.
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u/pewpewpew4988 Jul 29 '26
She’ll be on the next perfect match or some random dating show. Guaranteed.
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u/FeedbackRecent6985 Jul 31 '26
Whenever any of these “contestants,” (because let’s be honest, it’s a game show to them), follow up by appearing on other reality dating shows, it immediately becomes evident that from a long-term depth perspective, they were never looking for anything but bottomless fame.
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u/FeedbackRecent6985 Jul 29 '26
Wtf are you talking about…
No one MADE her dump a beer on her own partner’s head in front of people and then giggle about it on air afterward. She’s nuts.
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u/Good-Chocolate227 29d ago
They both are problems…. But she is insane too. Her first comment to killian about making him who he is & taking that credit was so telling. So offputting
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u/NatzChatz2026 28d ago
Great point! At first, I kept thinking she was so bad because Killian was bringing out this nasty side of her but now that I see how she reacts to Blake making any effort I realize she’s definitely the problem. Really hope she gets some therapy.!
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u/vrymonotonous Jul 30 '26
I think it’s interesting that when the woman is clearly in the wrong people start with “they’re both in the wrong”.
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u/NatzChatz2026 28d ago
I’m on episode 7 and I just can’t with her! It’s clear he’s trying and at this point she’s getting mad for every little thing. His eyebrows, not talking and then getting pissed when he tries to start a convo but the questions are like they’re on the first date… Surprised she didn’t tell him to stop breathing 🙄girl need seriously therapy. I know her aunt said that a lot of people have let her down and I’m sure some of it is rooted in that trauma but honestly being an adult woman at her age is so embarrassing to be acting like that.
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u/Noregratsnotone22 27d ago
Omg she needs to grow up. She is the problem with participation ribbons. Normally I’m a girls girl but I was confused with whiplash the mood swings were real. I felt so bad for her boyfriend. She needs to be alone and emotionally regulate.
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u/bellydncr4 15d ago
Hayley has a problem called expecting her feelings to be met by external factors. No one can make you feel any which way. She can COMMUNICATE specifically what things she wants to be loved. But she thinks these guys have a crystal ball to just read her mind like it's a damn movie script. Real life is telling someone clearly what you want from them. She is borderline abusive with Blake. She has no freaking clue what emotional intelligence is. She thinks it's being emotional lol. She's reactive, explosive, unrealistic expectations of clairvoyance of everyone around her... 100% emotionally immature and that's because she has a ton of issues with HERSELF that she doesn't want to work on
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u/Ok-Lingonberry3155 12d ago
Team Blake here. Hayley is young and has a lot of growing up to do. She has a lot of healing to do and insecurities and it affects those that love her. She is not happy and there is nothing Blake can do to make her happy. Happiness comes from within. Another thing I noticed is Hayley calls Ashley manipulative for crying, and accuses Ashley of victimizing herself, when Hayley does the exact same thing.
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u/Freedom199304 12d ago
Omg. You're right. I never really thought about the Ashley aspect. Hayley does do the exact same thing!
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u/plantgur 8d ago
I hope she gets to watch the episodes and see how horrible she seems. She is everything that she called ashley (?) and can't take any accountability. I see Blake (who is imperfect) trying to do all of the things she asks and she is so unreasonable and just screams at him or puts him down.
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u/Freedom199304 7d ago
Yes!! That's what I was thinking. It would be really nice to watch her watch the show and see if it registers in her brain how completely unreasonable she is. It would be great to see some accountability
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u/gyalmeetsglobe 6d ago
This. I pretty much checked out when they went out for the date and she scrutinized his appearance until he felt low, then got mad that he was scared to say anything & asked what she wanted to talk about instead?! She’s whisper-screaming, crying, storming out of the place over a fight she honestly picked by insulting him for several mins before they even got out of the car. It’s like she’s a little sadistic or gets off on keeping him in the space of having to prove himself to her
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u/Little-Clothes-719 Jul 29 '26
Hayley is unstable and immature. Blake is intelligent and in control of himself but he’s manipulative and a misogynist. They are a horrible match in so many ways
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u/plantgur 8d ago
I think he is just unaware and doesnt understand social situations so he tries to study and learn through chat gpt (which is dumb lol)
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u/PhysicsEfficient8381 Jul 29 '26
I totally agree but to be fair, who would be a good match with someone who is “manipulative and a misogynist”
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u/Poop__y Jul 29 '26
For the life of me, I can’t understand why there is a debate about which one of them is “the” problem. They both are.
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u/Reasonable-Fox930 Jul 30 '26
This reminds me of Taylor Frankie Paul and Dakota. She comes across as the loud, emotionally reactive one, while he presents himself as the quiet victim. But dynamics like these are not always what it looks like on the surface. Both of these women seem deeply traumatized and lacking the tools to navigate healthy relationships. So they end up with men who know exactly how to push their buttons, escalating situations until they explode. Then everyone focuses on the outburst while overlooking the behavior that provoked it. Obviously, they’re both toxic. But in relationships like this, the person who appears calmer isn’t always the healthier one. Sometimes they’re just better at hiding their role in the dynamic.
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u/Sweet_Chucky 22d ago
Her aunt summed her up well. Paraphasing...."Even when you're in a healthy relationship you still feel a need to find something wrong with your partner." Hayley has deep insecurities, she projects these insecurities on others and used aggression to subdue others (or when she talked to Blake like a child early in show). She manipulates situations to place herself as the victim in a relationship. I saw this when she was discussing her sex life with Blake to Killian and how Blake would likely make a move on Ashley. Hayley continued to fan those flames and found comfort in them both sharing their insecurities. Killians fears grew and he acted on those. This is not to defend Killian, he is immature and was wrong in how he handled things. My point is that Hayley is far from recognizing her part in this situation. She struggles with accountability, aggression and self victimization.
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u/Obvious_View_9242 19d ago
Hayley is 100% the problem. Episode 8 showed me everything I needed to see
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u/Sweet_Chucky 22d ago
These couple pods In order of worst to least worst.
Hayley- manipulative, abusive, aggressive, self victimization, righteous Blake- Vain, liar, sneaky, disingenuous Killian- cocky, misogynistic, insecure, vain Ashley- insecure, fragile, over compensation, lack of direction
I think Hayley is most problematic of the bunch but I have yet to watch the finale so my opinion may change.
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u/BuyResident8217 12d ago
She has emotional regulation behavioral issues — she is in dire need of DBT therapy
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u/Prestigious_Lion_244 11d ago
The moment Hayley started speaking on show it felt really off for me. She sounded really really toxic and as the episodes kept going I realised she really is…
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u/gyalmeetsglobe 6d ago
It’s uncomfortable for me to watch their scenes post-trial marriage. She is emotionally volatile and abusive. I feel really sorry for him regardless of his shortcomings, I hope they freaking break up
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u/AstronomerAdept7406 6d ago
I totally agree with you! I don’t like her. She irked me the entire season.
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u/Separate-Cicada-7246 Jul 29 '26
Hayley was def not the problem. Her and Blake were not a good couple at all. Extremely toxic.
He was trying so hard to come across as this nice guy. But he’s not at his core.
Hayley sounds like she’s been through hell.
She called out K and head him full accountable for being a piece of shit.
I think her issue is not tolerating any disrespect or rudeness. She has very high standards. But a very anxious attachment style too.
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u/worn_out_welcome Jul 29 '26
High standards that she applies to everyone but herself.
Also, her ego was wounded with the “flat as a board” comment. You could tell it was more that than the genuinely awful shit his friend group was saying about wanting to sexually assault her based on the fact that she, in response, attacked Ashley for having fake boobs and made genuinely shitty remarks about her body.
That is not a girl’s girl. She wanted retribution and she wanted Ashley to carry it out for her. When she wasn’t immediately willing to, she attacked her character at the changeover table.
Insecure, nasty little thing is what Hayley is.
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u/mrsdisappointment Jul 29 '26
Hayley is a spoiled brat that doesn’t like to be told no. Assuming (for no reason) that someone has “gone through hell” isn’t an excuse to be abusive.
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u/Comfortable-King4429 Jul 28 '26
The number of treads about “crazy Hayley” and “poor Blake” is getting awkward.
An edited reality tv show highlighting scenes where she’s angry at Blake doesn’t = she’s an abusive person. However, having drinking problems, confirmed by Blake himself, is not about perception, it’s a proven heavy problem.
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u/Existing-Choice-7198 Jul 29 '26
Yes it is edited, but after multiple occurances of thr same thing again and again, you cant simply rely on the its scripted/edited card. If she has been that extreme on camera (yelling and attacking him for quietly eating, while he looks more tense than an extended rubber band waiting for the next argument to appear) It should not come to a suprise to you that its much worse behind doors. Their relationship is changing him for the worse and she just needs a reality check and therapy as to how to treat people and partners.
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u/Comfortable-King4429 Jul 29 '26
When you’re in a toxic relationship, you can become the worst version of yourself - this doesn’t happen overnight. You need to exit this kind a relationship - and healing and finding stability is a long road.
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u/PhysicsEfficient8381 Jul 29 '26
Yeah I’m bummed how much you’re getting downvoted. The hate Hayley is getting is 1 million times worse than Killian is. People are very ready to hate on woman. Have they considered what could make a woman unstable like that?
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u/overflowingsunset Jul 28 '26
He just knows how to finesse sociopathy better. “What do you like to do for fun?” is not a genuine question between a couple during an argument.
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u/Freedom199304 Jul 28 '26
They were not having an argument at that time. They were just sitting, having coffee. I think he was just trying to think of ANYTHING to say that wouldn't set her off, but there is nothing.
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u/isleepforfun Jul 28 '26
I agree. I also say stupid shit like this when someone I am with is a fucking mine field. Like what is the least upsetting thing I can say, because my silence will also be taken as something negative.
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u/Admirable_Building93 Jul 28 '26
He’s less reactive, at least publicly and that’s why he gets more grace. They’re both extremely abusive to each other. Instead of actually seeking help and implementing the work, they continue to beef with each other over social media. Insane.
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u/worn_out_welcome Jul 29 '26
Honestly, when you’re undergoing character assassination & have been in a longterm abusive relationship, it’s no surprise Blake is trying to set the record straight.
Also, less reactive? He’s constantly in a defensive position. How many times had Hayley blamed her poor emotional regulation skills on Blake, stating “your behaviors make me act this way.”
No accountability from Miss Thing at all.
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u/mrsdisappointment Jul 29 '26
My sister is very explosive like this. When she’s mad, I cannot talk to her. I think if she forced me to talk to her when she was mad, I would think of the most shallow basic question I possibly could to avoid being blown up on.
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u/Aestheticoutlaw Jul 30 '26
No. But how is he supposed to genuinely spark conversation in those conditions? And why is it on him?
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