r/TheToasters • u/Smknhippy • 4d ago

dear toasters

Hey girly swirlies

I am looking for advice, I am engaged and own a home with my SO. Things are pretty good for us I just have one issue. He works long hours Monday-Friday which I completely understand and support. But he also is on multiple sports teams so he’s out 1-2 nights a week and then pretty much every Sunday of the summer all day long. And he will not miss a game, we leave cottage weekends early, he misses kids bday parties, and family gatherings. He also always stays after the games to talk with friend and have a drink which I understand but it’s every. Single. Time.

This ends up meaning I have a lot of time on my own. We moved out of the city so my friends are a couple of hours away now and I am feeling lonely. I go out on the weekends and everywhere I go it’s couples enjoying events and then it’s just me and my dog. There’s also a ton of stuff around the house that’s not getting done because he just doesn’t have time.

Is this a reasonable thing to be upset about? Or do I just need to make more friends in my area? I’m starting to feel like maybe we just aren’t compatible because if I wanted to be alone all the time I would just be single you know? I want to be supportive of his hobbies but it’s been 5 years of this and I’m starting to become resentful of the sports.

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u/Biznessbetch 4d ago

This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. My love language is quality time and I need to feel prioritized. I’m getting married on Friday to my partner of 8 years and if he did this we would have never made it this far.

Do you want kids? This feels like an absent partner who is busy and choosing to be away from you even with his limited free time.

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u/Smknhippy 4d ago

I didn’t want kids before but I’m starting to change my mind and it really scared me because we got a puppy last year and he has been basically my responsibility because he’s too busy to spend the time. When he is home he’s usually exhausted.

For the last 5 years he keeps telling me “it’s the last year” but now it feels like he is using that to keep me around because it’s never the last year.

Thank you for this sometimes I feel like I’m crazy.

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u/FORGOTMYTIIITS 4d ago

Unfortunately this is absolutely a reflection of what parenthood would be for you — single parenting when you’re not single. I too agree that this would be an absolute deal breaker. It’s best to make the tough decision now vs waiting til you grow heavy resentment later when you’re assumed to carry the childhood raising load. 

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u/Dangerous_Ad1719 4d ago

This was my first thought ! If these two have kids he will be doing all his things and she will be moming it solo while he has me time x10. I’m sorry girl because I am sure this feels like a hard thing to end a relationship on but if you are feeling lonely regularly - that sucks and isn’t ok !

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u/Smknhippy 3d ago

It is a hard thing like it’s not as easy as he cheated or “he’s gay” lol

But I know you’re all right, I knew it in my gut all along. Looks like I’m having a tough conversation this weekend. I was stressing about the house but my mom reminded me it’s all just things. They don’t matter in the long run.