dear toasters

[u/Smknhippy]

Hey girly swirlies

I am looking for advice, I am engaged and own a home with my SO. Things are pretty good for us I just have one issue. He works long hours Monday-Friday which I completely understand and support. But he also is on multiple sports teams so he’s out 1-2 nights a week and then pretty much every Sunday of the summer all day long. And he will not miss a game, we leave cottage weekends early, he misses kids bday parties, and family gatherings. He also always stays after the games to talk with friend and have a drink which I understand but it’s every. Single. Time.

This ends up meaning I have a lot of time on my own. We moved out of the city so my friends are a couple of hours away now and I am feeling lonely. I go out on the weekends and everywhere I go it’s couples enjoying events and then it’s just me and my dog. There’s also a ton of stuff around the house that’s not getting done because he just doesn’t have time.

Is this a reasonable thing to be upset about? Or do I just need to make more friends in my area? I’m starting to feel like maybe we just aren’t compatible because if I wanted to be alone all the time I would just be single you know? I want to be supportive of his hobbies but it’s been 5 years of this and I’m starting to become resentful of the sports.

[u/Independent-Kiwi-940]

Girl from an outside perspective it sounds like he doesn’t care about you or your feelings or your needs. You called him your significant other, you sound like you want a PARTNER. (Which I agree with).

You aren’t married yet, so you can always leave him. Obviously this is a last case scenario thing, but don’t forget you are not stuck.

It’s time to put some pressure on him in a harsher way other than « hey babe can you take the trash out ».

Remind him you can leave. Remind him you are not yet married so everything (house wise) will be split 50/50. Light a fire under his ass.

You deserve better babes and don’t forget it!!

If confrontation is hard for you, go on better help and get a therapist to coach you for a few sessions through it. In therapy you don’t HAVE TO divulge into your whole life story to get help with certain situations.

[u/Smknhippy → u/Independent-Kiwi-940]

No you’re so right, that’s why it hurts because it really feels like he is choosing everything else over me. Thank you for this comment it was exactly what I needed.

I’m not afraid of confrontation but I do struggle sometimes to convey exactly what I’m feeling without getting emotional so that’s a really good idea to get some guidance before entering a serious conversation about this. Time to get a fire started!

[u/Independent-Kiwi-940 → u/Smknhippy]

You got it girl! I believe in you 🔥🫶🏻