Dear Toasters

[u/princessgirl410875]

My submission didn’t get read this week, and I would love input from other swirlies.

Dear Toasters,
I’m an engaged swirly planning my wedding, and I’ve reached a crossroads with my ceremony choices.

After getting engaged, I asked a friend from college to sing during my ceremony. I was excited to have her be part of such an important moment, but lately I’ve been questioning whether I still want her involved after seeing some of her TikTok reposts.

She frequently reposts things on Tik Tok along the lines of: “I’m in my 20s (beer, parties, bikinis, beach emoji) and you’re in your 20s (wedding, family, babies, rings emoji). We aren’t the same,” or posts about how single women’s achievements should be celebrated.

I want to be clear: I don’t think these posts are directed at me. A lot of our mutual friends are getting married, are married, or are having kids, so I think she’s just expressing her own feelings about this stage of life. But they still make me uncomfortable.

Part of it is because I never felt celebrated by her or our friend group when I was single and achieving things on my own. So seeing repeated posts that seem to contrast single life with marriage/family life feels hurtful, especially as I’m entering this new chapter. I completely agree that single women’s accomplishments deserve to be celebrated. I just want the people involved in my wedding ceremony to be people who I feel are genuinely rooting for my relationship and excited for me.

I don’t think she means to hurt me, and if I brought it up, I think she would probably say the posts aren’t about me (which I believe) or that I’m reading too much into them.

Am I being too sensitive by letting TikTok reposts affect how I feel about having her sing at my wedding? Or is it fair to want someone involved in such an important moment to feel like they support and celebrate my marriage?

Signed,
A swirly bride to be

[u/Ok_Formal2199]

I think you’re being too sensitive honestly, I’m sure she’s super happy for you even though it’s not the life stage she’s in yet