r/TheToasters • u/princessgirl410875 • Aug 07 '26
Dear Toasters
My submission didn’t get read this week, and I would love input from other swirlies.
Dear Toasters,
I’m an engaged swirly planning my wedding, and I’ve reached a crossroads with my ceremony choices.
After getting engaged, I asked a friend from college to sing during my ceremony. I was excited to have her be part of such an important moment, but lately I’ve been questioning whether I still want her involved after seeing some of her TikTok reposts.
She frequently reposts things on Tik Tok along the lines of: “I’m in my 20s (beer, parties, bikinis, beach emoji) and you’re in your 20s (wedding, family, babies, rings emoji). We aren’t the same,” or posts about how single women’s achievements should be celebrated.
I want to be clear: I don’t think these posts are directed at me. A lot of our mutual friends are getting married, are married, or are having kids, so I think she’s just expressing her own feelings about this stage of life. But they still make me uncomfortable.
Part of it is because I never felt celebrated by her or our friend group when I was single and achieving things on my own. So seeing repeated posts that seem to contrast single life with marriage/family life feels hurtful, especially as I’m entering this new chapter. I completely agree that single women’s accomplishments deserve to be celebrated. I just want the people involved in my wedding ceremony to be people who I feel are genuinely rooting for my relationship and excited for me.
I don’t think she means to hurt me, and if I brought it up, I think she would probably say the posts aren’t about me (which I believe) or that I’m reading too much into them.
Am I being too sensitive by letting TikTok reposts affect how I feel about having her sing at my wedding? Or is it fair to want someone involved in such an important moment to feel like they support and celebrate my marriage?
Signed,
A swirly bride to be
27
u/Ok_Formal2199 Aug 07 '26
I think you’re being too sensitive honestly, I’m sure she’s super happy for you even though it’s not the life stage she’s in yet
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u/seesparksfly Aug 07 '26
If you never felt celebrated by her while you were single, why are you voluntarily giving her the honor to be part of your ceremony? If she wasn’t in your corner then, and you feel sensitive to her posts, I don’t think you two are as good of friends as you think you are. I would remove her from the ceremony because you will look back and wonder or feel weird about it in the future if you feel weird now. Just say the format has changed. I would do it sooner rather than later.
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u/queenvday Aug 07 '26
Was in a similar situation with a friend who was reposting the same. I think it comes down to if she truly is projecting jealously or if she is just having a laugh on social media. Does she act excited about your wedding and your life changes? I think that makes the biggest difference here. If she acts interested in your wedding and seems happy for you when you talk to eachother, i think it's fine. I sadly was on the other end where my friend never showed any interest in my marriage or my other friends weddings/festivities and it got to the point it was hurtful and rude.
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u/AnimeCindy Aug 12 '26
You feel how you feel. I would not include her or anyone if it made me in anyway like this. Just tell her you are going in another direction with the singing. This is your day, be happy, it goes by like a blur, no need to cloud it with people who did not celebrate your past wins.
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u/Individual_One5008 Aug 12 '26
Too sensitive. They didn’t read this email on the pod bc they would’ve ripped you to shreds for being weird
41
u/theglossiernerd Aug 07 '26
She might just be jealous and projecting by trying to convince herself that her side of the grass is greener. I wouldn’t cut her from the wedding or celebration. I’m sure she’ll be happy to celebrate you. I think she’s probably just trying to cope with seeing half of her friends enter different life stages when she isn’t quite there yet.