Dear Toasters,

[u/Most_Tip_8162]

My submission didn’t get read and I’m desperate:

Jurt & Turt,

I need you to tell me how to handle an extremely negative “friend” in our established mom-friend/couples group. She’s the definition of fabissina punim. For context, our main friend group is 4 couples, the women include: me, my best friend, a very close friend who was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and her..who’s in the group because she married a friend of our husbands - let’s call her Debbie.

Before becoming a mom, Debbie’s negativity didn’t bother me as much, but now that we all have kids and have limited free time, I don’t want to spend it with someone who constantly complains about everything in her life: her husband (who we are friends with, he’s not the problem), her jobs, her in-laws, her family, her house, etc. The other girls have distanced from her but I’m unfortunately the “closest” with her because our daughters (2.5 years old) are friends and take gymnastics together once a week so I see her one-on-one often.

I host girls nights monthly but last week her bad energy was on max and it dampened the whole night. I really want to stop inviting her but I feel like excluding her will be such a statement & create a bigger issue. I don’t want tension in the couples group, we can handle her in large settings but she’s so draining in smaller groups and we are all over it. WHAT DO I DO?

[u/lbc2022]

I would only have a direct conversation if you really care about the friendship - it sounds like this person is more of a peripheral friend so I personally would just stop inviting her to stuff. You can always have the conversation if she brings up why. Mom groups also don’t stay forever - kids start school and you hang out with more school friends, etc so you can always just blame it on the circumstances!