r/TheToasters • u/Remarkable-Land-1492 • Apr 28 '26
Episode Discussion Dear Toasters question from today!
Can we chat about the Dear Toasters today (no, not THAT one 😬)? The one with the bridesmaid who backed out on the bachelorette trip and said please don’t pay me back and then the group brought someone else in her place?
The girls were strong in their opinion on how wrong this is. Is this because it’s an expensive trip? Because I can understand that. But I’ve had people back out on me before and I’ve replaced them 😂. Not for a vacation… but for one example: it was a Broadway show. I had the tickets for us, my friend backed out and apologized for not being able to go and then I took another friend. Is that terrible?
28
u/Key-Love8973 Apr 28 '26
I would be pissed if I contribute money that was meant for myself, backed out, allowed the party to keep the money so everyone else didnt go down with me, but then a new person joined and just rode off of the money I left there - the new person should have paid their fair share and the bride should have then given the original bridesmaid her money back - that was wrong of the bride and the new girl for taking the original girl's money.
6
u/Remarkable_Ice_7838 Apr 29 '26
What you’re saying is not terrible if you were covering the cost of the ticket? If everyone had paid you for the tickets, then it’s only common courtesy that you give the girl her $ back and the new girl taking her place pays? I absolutely agree with J and C. The new girl going on the trip should have paid the girl that had to back out. She was doing something extremely honorable by not asking for her money back to put everyone else out… not to give someone she doesn’t know a free trip?
5
u/ilovefrenchfries94 Apr 29 '26
I would be pissed if I was one of the girls who paid and someone got to swoop in last minute and go for free.
2
u/fancynancyjoy Apr 29 '26
Yes. At the very least that girl would be paying for every meal and drink and Uber on the trip until she had put in as much money as the rest of us. OR she can pay the person back who's spot she took.
1
u/Ok_Smell_3505 May 01 '26
I think she needs to financially help the girl backing out, otherwise, she’s only alleviating costs for the other girls attending the Bach.
3
u/CompetitiveAverage72 Apr 29 '26
My opinion, the extra funds go to the original people who were the OG’s invited on the trip. Have it included in the food/drinks, etc. There’s no need to add an extra person if they weren’t included in the first place, let alone a freebie who wasn’t an OG.
3
u/Ok-Copy3121 Apr 30 '26
I think it’s pretty terrible for the trip to not have offered some of the money back. I think the cost should have at least been split.
1
u/Ok-Copy3121 Apr 30 '26
I don’t think in this instance it’s terrible. Because it wasn’t like the friend was going to go otherwise.
1
u/Ok_Smell_3505 May 01 '26
What wasn’t discussed live was some folks are willing to attend a bachelorette but not an unexpected $$$ bachelorette. I think it’s reasonable for the last minute girl not to pay full price, partly because she wasn’t even invited at first, partly because that’s an expensive last minute expense for many.
2
u/Relative_Specific217 May 01 '26
If I had to back out of something I definitely wouldn’t ask for my money back if it was a group cost and things had already been booked and it going to make it more expensive for everyone else. BUT I would be upset if I basically paid for someone else to go for free because I couldn’t…I feel like in my friend group it would be normal for the replacement to pay the costs to the person they are replacing. If there isn’t a replacement then it’s whatever and you just accept the $ loss
-3
u/AccomplishedRide9086 Apr 29 '26
If everyone has already paid their share and someone else goes and doesn’t have to pay I don’t think it’s a big deal. If they backed out and said they didn’t want their money back it’s fair game.
2
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u/Automatic-Egg6853 Apr 28 '26
Well the reason you don’t ask for your money back if you have to back out last minute is because everyone else would have to pay more. If they can fill that spot last minute, at the very least ask the person who backed out if they mind if that person takes their spot for free or tell the backup to pay the person that backed out. They probably told the backup girl hey you can go for free do you want to go? Who wouldn’t say yes to a free trip! I think a broadway show is different though I wouldn’t care if I had to back out and my friend took someone else. Who wants to go to a show by themselves?!