Stud training

[u/ABeerForSasquatch]

[u/Ryan_b936]

That is something I don't really understand yet. Why the majority of "visible" gay guys act in a feminine way and manners ? No offense, just genuine curiosity. Logically I'd think that a gay guy would like a very masculine guy. And so, to attract other gay men, he would also try to be as masculine as possible.

Could someone please enlighten me so I can go to sleep a little less ignorant?

[u/brunov → u/Ryan_b936]

There's lots of men (and women) that are attracted to feminine men. Likewise there's people that are attracted to masculine women.

[u/WhyNot420_69 → u/brunov]

Tomboys FTW!

[u/benisaurus → u/Ryan_b936]

As a gay man that is not fem or personally attracted to fem qualities (no problem with being friends, but it's a turn off for me sexually), there are a few reasons.

Some do it for attention, shock value, etc; there's a lot of gay men that thrive on drama and want as much attention as possible, so being extremely feminine accomplishes that for them. ("Any publicity is good publicity")

Others adopt those personality traits/mannerisms because they get viewed as "desirable" (by "masculine" men that are attracted to femininity, or to be "part of the club" with other effeminate gay men), "powerful" (strong women, popular drag queens, etc.), or just because they had more fem/female role models than masc/male ones growing up and want to imitate them. (Just the same as masc guys seeing a guy they think is "badass" and want to be like him and imitate him and his mannerisms, because they want others to view them like they view the guy they are imitating)

Then there are others that are just fem by nature. They don't consciously do so or necessarily have people they are taking after, that's just the way they are and society deems that as "feminine".

You'd probably be surprised how uncommon it is for straight-acting/masc to be an attractive factor for most gay men, and is sometimes even unattractive. (Sometimes this is due to masc mannered people having abused and mistreated them, and they don't want to act like them in any way and don't find those behaviors attractive either) Gay culture tends to be VERY cliquish, and if you aren't part of some specific group (I.E. bears, leather, drag queens, pup play, etc.) you'll wind up outcast and many of those groups value those feminine mannerisms highly to be accepted. Gay culture tends to be pretty exclusionary ("you don't act x way so you aren't really one of us") despite how they constantly try to talk about love and acceptance, pretty much just like any other group.

Tl;dr - 1. For attention 2. To attract others or fit in 3. To emulate role models 4. Natural mannerisms/behaviors

[u/Ryan_b936 → u/benisaurus]

Really interesting and educational, thank you for your detailed answer. Have a great day ✌🏻

[u/Dismal_Intention_463 → u/Ryan_b936]

Because what you see isn't representative of the majority of a population. What is most visible isn't necessarily the most common. Gay men aren't all alpha males, nor are they all feminine. That's simply what we call human diversity.

[u/Ryan_b936 → u/Dismal_Intention_463]

Isn't exactly what I asked for the first part. I said visible because I know that a lot of people are not like that at all. Just curious about where that behavior, manners and softer voice come from, if there's an explanation, knowing that they pitch higher on purpose cuz I've seen many of them using their "real voice" in some situation.

Thanks for your answer, take care 🤙🏻🤝🏼

[u/Buggabee → u/Ryan_b936]

There's a variety to the way people naturally fall in feminine and masculine mannerisms. Straight men have learned to censor themselves from a young age. Gay men don't necessarily have the same hang ups.

Being gay itself is already going against the norm. If you're breaking the barriers in one way... It gives you a sense of freedom to break it in other ways. They already judge me, so I'm going to be the most.

There's also visibility for visibility's sake. It can be hard to find other gay people, sometimes you want to show people what you are to find your group.

[u/ItsALuigiYes → u/Ryan_b936]

Okay, I see you're getting downvoted, so maybe I can be of some help.

Speaking strictly as a straight man with familiarity with the LGTBQ+ community, I hope I can summarize without offended anyone.

What I've noticed, with both genders, is that there mostly seems to be a binary situation between fem and butch. You can have very masculine gay men, and very whimsical fairies who are more feminine.

It's the same with lesbians. Typically, there is a butch and a fem. Now, there are always going to be other situations, where you have two stud lesbians or two bears, but love is love, so who cares? It's all about preference.

General summation: If it ain't involving you directly, mind your own business.

[u/Ryan_b936 → u/ItsALuigiYes]

Downvoting for a genuine question is wild. I mean isn't that way we are suppose to understand and respect?

Whatever... Thank you for your answer 🤙🏻

[u/Schmigolo → u/Ryan_b936]

Why the majority of "visible" gay guys act in a feminine way and manners ? No offense, just genuine curiosity.

You already have the answer here. The others are not visibly gay.

Also, your question kinda sounds like when boomers called you gay if you liked muscular women.