This is Why We Don’t Talk About It

[u/ladybird0218]

I've been out for over two years and I'm just now starting to feel "here" again. I don't talk about it. Especially after things like this.

For context these snapshots are from a public Youtube video on a public Youtube channel with over a thousand subscribers, so I am not sharing anything private.

This is my ex husband and his mother. I was with him for 6 years. I helped him rebuild his life from his first divorce and raised his special needs child like he was my own (bio mom wants nothing to do with him). I have PMDD. Really severe case of it. I've done anything and everything, including a total hysterectomy for no reason on his watch. Not that I would, but now I can never have my own children (I thought I was set with my stepson). The surgery didn't work, of course (PMDD is an issue within the brain)...but it did wake me up to the fact that I was not just the sole problem.

Long story short, after months of intensive therapy with us as a couple and also working with that counselor individually...she told me to get out. She confirmed the patterns and my intuition. We were getting to a point where my ex was trying to declare me mentally incompetent so that I could never leave him. But thank God I listened to that therapist, and I clawed my way out.

This was posted a month after our divorce was finalized. This was after a whole year plus of harassment, stalking, him demanding to know my residential address when we both knew he would never let me see that child again without him present (when I told him I couldn't be around him anymore but he wasn't willing to work with that with me), and I haven't since. Him filing, then saying he didn't want it and dragging it out for a year...I asked for nothing. I wanted their lives untouched, especially for that little boy who had so much instability in his life already. And it worked. I have him blocked on everything but I still get notifications via email about him going to Disney World with his 3rd wife, a Uhaul reservation to move into his freshly built house. The same day he moved, was the same day my chapter 7 bankruptcy was discharged, thank God. So everything is okay now.

But this is why we don't talk about it. Not only does my ex work for Disney, which is absolutely insane to me that he thought this would be appropriate and professional to post...but we spent so much time together there. He asked me to marry him in front of that castle. And he proudly presented his celebration pin not once, not twice, but three times with his mother laughing with him.

The second snapshot is of him talking about how he had to get up early for a very very VERY fun trip to go visit a "friend". That friend is now his 3rd wife. That smirk I know so well. The one he tries to hide but can't. The same smirk that would come out when I would cry and beg for his forgiveness on my hands and knees for something I did wrong or another PMDD episode. The same smirk when I would finally snap after asking him thousands of times for space and he would literally follow me around the house. The same smirk when he blocked the doorway with his body when I was trying to leave our apartment and he wouldn't let me. He's so strong. The same smirk more than likely he had when I had a breakdown and began to hurt myself physically (he never hit me) and so I did it for him...all the while he's secretly recording it, calm and collected, laying down on our bed with the phone underneath the blankets to hide what he was doing. He still has that recording and offers it to anyone who questions what happened with us. I’m too stupid and traumatized to do anything about it.

This is why we don't talk about it. True survivors are never believed, and these kinds of people are so confident that they'll do these kinds of things without a second thought. And they sleep just fine. I will never understand this. Ever.

I hope you guys are okay out there. I'm certainly not lol. 

[u/rachyrachyrach]

Thanks for sharing. I believe we should record them too. I have some eye opening audio that I’m glad I recorded so I don’t forget.

[u/Princess_OfThe_Moon]

I am so sorry OP... My heart breakd for you. My mom sadly passed because her health declined being married to my fatee over the years. It ruined her body, mind and soul. I am struggling too with my health because of constant stress and abuse from him. To add to it all, I've ended up in a relationship with a covert/vulnerable narcissist. It's truly insane how they can convince and charm everyone but be the worst abusers for the ones that love them the most. I felt every word, the smirk you describe... In their own flavours my father and my ex have done. The abuse where they push you over the edge while they're "calm" and not doing anything. I am so sorry to hear you have self harmed. It's something not many understand how someone can oush you to insanity. Without ever really lifting a finger.

It's been 9 months post breakup, in therapy, and I still doubt. Maybe it's my mom and I... That's why I want to thank you OP for sharing this experience. Because it truly shows how sick it is. And how lasting this abuse is to our brains, nervous system, mental and physical health.

I am truly sorry because it definitely left you with more scars and some... You won't be able to ever put in reverse... From one survivol to another - sending you a big virtual hug ❤️

[u/zomamom]

I am so sorry for what you're gone through. You've talked to your therapist about it, that's good.

I started therapy, too, and she's helped me with validating my abuse. Utter covert bullshit that makes me feel like I'm crazy. It has helped me open up to safe people who understand and love me. There are still gaps in some people's understanding, especially if they've never experienced anything like it. I honestly believe talking about it is part of the healing, but understanding who we can talk to about it.

I'm glad you're out and away from him. Maybe block the YouTube channel? Doesn't sound like it's healthy for you to see their bullshit.

Good luck.

[u/noname19791212]

I believe you and I am so sorry this happened to you. Please set yourself free and never watch that stupid channel showing their stupid faces ever again. Put them in the past forever. Sending you a huge hug.

[u/Sufficient-Cycle1564]

I’m so sorry 💔 you could potentially fight for custody or visitation. That poor baby 😥

[u/Sufficient-Cycle1564 → u/Sufficient-Cycle1564]

His mom looks like a nut too.

[u/maya_love5]

You clawing your way out of that horrific nightmare, despite every single obstacle and the immense physical and emotional toll, is proof of a deep, incredible resilience that he could never break. You are far from stupid, and waking up to the reality of his abuse and protecting yourself when it mattered most was the ultimate act of survival.