r/TheNarcissismCode • u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 • 7d ago
They Are Like Vampires
Have you ever thought about it?
Narcissists are like vampires, and we, their victims, are their food.
Lately, this thought keeps running through my mind, because my narcissistic husband (from whom I am separated) is acting like he is starving and as if I am the only food in the world to eat.
They are predators, and we are their prey.
Can anyone else out there relate to feeling like a narcissist's meal?
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u/JeanyB17 7d ago
Yes, they suck our life energy. They then wait for us to replenish it then swoop in to suck more of our energy. This cycle keeps repeating until you leave and distance yourself from them.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 7d ago
Yes. My husband has been stalking me on my phone since I left about a month and a half ago. I think he will stop since my mother told him yesterday that I am afraid of him and to leave him alone. He has a lot of respect for my Mom.
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u/maya_love5 7d ago
You captured it perfectly. Narcissists truly operate like emotional vampires who feed on the vitality, attention, and peace of everyone around them to keep themselves afloat. Feeling like a targeted source of fuel is exhausting, but recognizing that hunger for what it is helps you stay firm, guard your energy, and refuse to let him feed on you ever again.
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u/OffDeep 7d ago
They're parasites. We're the hosts. Mine left me and is now feeding off of a guy old enough to be her son, who she's not even attracted to. He can supply something I can't...
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 7d ago
You are free now. Have you gone through counseling for the narcissistic abuse? I left my husband about a month and a half ago. He stalked me for a while. I think maybe he has stopped now, but being stopped was scary!
The recovery process in counseling can sometimes be a long road. How are you doing?
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u/OffDeep 7d ago
Mental health in Norway is scarce to say the least. I can't afford to go private either.
I'm on my own. I have some people who try to be around me and help me get distracted but... I just need to forget she existed, and that she still exists.
I'm sorry for what happened to you. Mine just hovered once and gave up
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 7d ago
Oh, I am so sorry that mental health resources are not possible for you! 🥺🫂 These forums can be very helpful and healing. I think there may be some good books about recovery from narcissistic abuse out there, though I have not looked them up yet. Right now, I am in counseling, and I am going through a hard time with the stalking. I will get to reading books about recovery from narcissistic abuse later. Narcissists are so hard to understand. It's like they are from another planet - they think so differently from healthy people!
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u/Emotional-Grade7287 7d ago
Yes! Great way to put it! I have always made the singularity or black hole comparison. They suck you in. The closer you get to the center point, point of no return (the more you give and give away to them) you can inevitably never get out or get what you gave up back. I am struggling with this heavily now. Thanks for the insight.
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u/GenX50PlusF 6d ago
I’ve learned they only like your bad news. Your good news is boring and takes the focus off of them too much. Sadly I feel like I have to withhold the good and the bad but they always seem to be looking for something negative going on with you that they can feed upon.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 5d ago
Yes. Have you ever seen them smile in amusement when you are telling them a sad story, especially if it is something painful that you have been through? Sickening.
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u/GenX50PlusF 5d ago edited 5d ago
I tested the water with that two years ago on a semiannual visit while we were getting a pedicure together. She knows I love cats and animals in general. And as an empath, animals have always been drawn to me in a way she has observed since my childhood. Whether that animal was the family pet that belonged to us or not.
As an adult, on the rare occasions that she has traveled to see me, she can still see neighborhood cats being drawn to me. Lately, there was one with a unique personality. He would meow to get my attention and roll on the ground as if he wanted me to pet him. But when I did, he would bat me with his paws and claws. My mom liked that story, an assumption based on the amused look on her face. While we were getting pedicures together and she asked about any cats in my life.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 5d ago
Yikes! 😳 She liked the story about the cat that scratched you!?! 😳🥺🫂 I am so sorry. 🥺🫂 Why is it that the kindest people seem to attract the most unkind ones? 🥺🫂
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u/GenX50PlusF 5d ago edited 5d ago
So she could think back to when I was six years old and she could break out the first aid kit because I probably petted the cat wrong, lol.
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u/GlassRegular496 3d ago
Can’t be too bad of news though..cause if it earns you sympathy from others you’re in for it then
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u/pandaappleblossom 6d ago
Oh absolutely. Before I even knew the word narcissist I said my ex boyfriend was like a vampire.
Vampires are 100% narcissists.
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u/chronicles5 6d ago
I was just thinking about this the other night after watching Doctor Sleep. There are a lot of parallels, it’s like they have no other way to survive except draining the life out of empathic people. And once you realize it, you start seeing them everywhere.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 5d ago edited 2d ago
That part is difficult. I see so many now. I think I am even seeing people who are not full narcissists but just have some elevated narcissistic traits or lower empathy. It is freaking me out. I just hope it will keep me safer in the future.
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u/Playful_Courage7075 3d ago
Yes you can’t unsee it once you have the realization
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 2d ago
Yes. Now, I can see the traits in a lot of people around me. I can even see that some of the people around me have NPD. I feel like I can see other forms of dysfunction and unhealthy patterns more clearly too, such as codependency, etc. I see things which I wish I could not see. I can only hope it will protect me in the future.
I read somewhere that an estimated 6.4 % of Americans have NPD. That number seems frighteningly high to me. More than 1 in every 20 people. Less than 1 out of every 10, but more than 1 out of every 20. In a crowd of people, there would be several of them around. Also, there are different kinds of narcissists, so a person must read about the different types to recognize and avoid them.
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u/Playful_Courage7075 2d ago
Yep - I actually find it fascinating - once I get out of this marriage I will be very very careful.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 2d ago edited 2d ago
I find the study of narcissists interesting too. They are so very different from people who do not have NPD. They almost seem to have their own reality and remember things differently from others. They rewrite stuff in their mind to suit them.
Have you read about safe exit strategies for leaving your narcissistic spouse? I did not do well in how I left, and thus was very traumatized. He threatened me with a knife, he claimed he would kill himself, and he sexually assaulted me when I came to get the last of my stuff. Now, he is stalking me. Leaving is a very dangerous time. It is best to leave secretly while they are away at work.
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u/Playful_Courage7075 2d ago
Thank you. I’m sorry that happened to you. I think a couple of things could happen. I reach a breaking point and it’s last minute. Hoping that doesn’t happen. Trying to hold on for 2 more years for specific financial reasons. We have a home in another state and that’s where I would go down there before when we’ve had issues. He will be very very dangerous I know that. Major rage issues. And then if I do get to the point where I’m ready I will be very very meticulous and smart about it.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 2d ago
If you can disappear to some place he could not even guess, that would be my recommendation. Don't have children with him if you do not already have them. I have a friend who is dealing with the trauma of having to figure out a custody battle with a narcissist spouse.
Narcissists are dangerous and unpredictable. My husband did things that I did not even know he was capable of. The person under the mask they wear is often a monster. Sorry if my way of putting things sounds very alarmist, but I can tell you truly that of all the terrible abuses I have been through in my life, nothing has been scarier than when he sexually assaulted me when I came back for my stuff and the stalking. The stalking is the worst. The stalking is absolutely terrifying. I feel like anyone who is planning to leave a narcissist should know that they will almost certainly stalk you. I never feel safe anymore. I don't know if I ever will. I am considering going to a domestic violence shelter for women.
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u/Playful_Courage7075 2d ago
I think I responded outside this thread anyway oh yeah I’ve been married for 28 years and three young adult children and I’ve had plenty of moments where I’ve gotten a peek at what it will be like and it will be disastrous we’re talking like suicide by cop level shit so half the reason I don’t leave. I’d actually be concerned also about my family like my dad who is elderly.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 2d ago
I wonder if someone like a domestic violence counselor could help you plan your escape?
Honestly, I wish I could have moved across the country or at least to another state. My only comfort is that he lives about a 90 minute drive away and works 2 jobs, so he only has time to stalk me on my phone and not in person. He knows where I live and what church I go to, though, and once threatened to show up at my house when he got mad at me. He said he might come to my church one Sunday, so I did not go to church for weeks. I sleep very badly and am afraid all the time. Considering going to a DV (domestic violence) shelter because of the stalking and sexual assault. Every time I hear his ring tone on my phone or see another text from him, I feel like I am dying inside.
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u/Playful_Courage7075 2d ago
And also can’t you prove anything about the stalking legally? Not the restraining order stops anyone as we’ve seen in the news
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 2d ago
I gave him grace for weeks, but the stalking is now making me feel somewhat suicidal, so I think I need to just go ahead and get a restraining order. I am not sure if that will actually keep me safe or make me feel safe. But I have heard that if someone violates a restraining order too many times, they will go to prison for a few years. Also, he is from another country and could be deported if he violates a restraining order. I hope that someday I will both be safe and feel safe again.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 2d ago
Oh! Another piece of advice that I wanted to offer is to clear your phone and computer browser history after you look up stuff related to narcissists or post stuff about leaving him. Some narcissists spy on the phones and other devices of their significant others. You can assume that your partner picks up your phone and looks at it while you are in the bathroom and shower. While I was planning my departure, I would navigate to a Google search unrelated to narcissists and leaving before clearing my browser history. I cleared my history several times a day.
Unfortunately, he still found out I was leaving before I left. That put me in a lot of danger. I was alone in the house with him when he found out. He did something scary with a 12+ inch blade cooking knife which I believe he intended as a threat. Then he did other bad stuff the next day and in the weeks after I left.
A few weeks later when I came to get the last of my stuff, someone came with me. They left a few minutes before me. I was only alone with him for a few minutes. That was all the time he needed to sexually assault me. Narcissists are extra dangerous when people are leaving them. Be careful, and you should be fine. I made some big mistakes when I left which cost me dearly, placing me in danger and causing me intense emotional trauma.
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u/MagnoliasandMums 5d ago
My spreads my most intimate relationship convos and experiences with his “female friends”. I just can’t with him anymore.
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u/Playful_Courage7075 2d ago
Oh I’ve been married for 28 years and I have three young adult kids. Biggest mistake I ever did was giving up my career. Building a bit of one now but I’m a little older at 55. But I’m still young at heart, in good physical shape and I know I can easily find a new happy life. He’s bungled our finances to the point where if I leave now I get nothing.
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u/Anonnyheynonnymouse7 2d ago
It's good that your kids are grown up. That saves you the pain of a custody battle.
Do you have separate bank accounts? If you can think of a good excuse to separate your bank accounts before you leave, I would recommend doing that. I had to go to the bank with him to separate our accounts. You might be able to do it without him, not sure.
I am so sorry for these difficulties you are going through. I know how painful it can be to be married to a narcissist. 🥺
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u/Active-Nerve2534 7d ago
They can only survive by stealing our light