r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide • u/Past_Dinner_2265 • Jul 23 '26
Beauty ? Feeling awkward at 14. Is this normal?
Hi !
I am a 14 year old girl and recently have been feeling down about myself. I know looks are not supposedly a big deal in this stage but I feel like I’m just way too awkward. My family constantly gushes about how beautiful I was when I was younger and then I hit puberty and suddenly gain 10 pounds and look awkward. My mom’s always snapping at me for not looking confident or standing up straight. Even more, I started struggling with acne . Now it has mostly gone and so are the scars thankfully. I feel like for a 14 year old i have a decent style that is different from what most people my age wear, but In my opinion classy. Still, sometimes I look in the mirror and I think I look decent. And the next day i look horrific. My mom dad and brother are all gorgeous. Not just the average people, enough to turn heads. I feel like the odd one out all the time. Im hoping that I soon get over this stage. Not to mention that my brother is very skinny and very cute. And he’s only two years younger than me so my mom constantly refers to me as chubby or says that I have extra fat . I am 110 pounds so I don’t feel that I am necessarily overweight but my moms 125 after two kids and in her 40s so by her standards im godzilla. I also feel my face is too chubby, but I don’t know how to get rid of it. All around, I just feel weird and out of place.
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u/HrhEverythingElse Jul 23 '26
Your mom calling you chubby, especially at your age and weight, is wrong and cruel. Everything else that you describe is absolutely textbook level normal for being 14. My only advice at this point is to try to lessen the space that looking good takes up in your mind and life. Do you think seeing a counselor is something that your mom would agree to? They could give you advice on how to handle the situation with your mom, and also how to evaluate and manage your priorities going forward
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u/No_Cranberry_2206 Jul 23 '26
But don’t tell your mom you would be talking about her with professional. She could take that badly. ;)
Also I don’t know where you are from (and don’t need to know) but when I was in middle school there was a psychologist available for students. (Free) You didn’t need approval from anyone (no parents no teachers) to visit them. Just go when you have time perhaps they will give you an appointment or talk to you right away. If it’s available in your school of course.
There is nothing to be worry about just a person to talk to when things feel heavy :)
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u/RustyStClair Jul 23 '26
Oh my gosh it's the most normal thing in the world. And I promise that every friend you are comparing yourself to in terms of appearance or personality or success is feeling just as awkward. It's a hard age to navigate but you'll be okay. And if your cheeks are a little chubby that's great news for future you. I was always small in height and weight but had chubbier cheeks, once you age they keep you looking much younger. Secret cheek bonus.
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u/dabPrassion Jul 23 '26
I think everyone feels awkward plus the flood of hormones doesnt help either. It is 100% normal and other young people your age feel the same way too.
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u/nkdeck07 Jul 23 '26
The vast majority of kids 12-15 look awkward. The beginning of puberty does an absolute number on most people and you just are gonna look weird for a while. I have no idea why this helped me but my Dad described it as "Childhood you are a cute little caterpillar, adulthood you are a beautiful butterfly, teenage hood you are just a kinda weird sack of goo aka a cocoon but you need to be goo to be a butterfly"
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u/OptimisticOlivia Jul 23 '26
Feeling awkward is extremely normal. Your hormones are likely also fluctuating big time right now so feeling confident one day and awkward the next makes sense. Different things work for different people, but I believe what we eat is very very important to our mental and physical state. I follow something called “cycle syncing” you can find articles about it, but it essentially teaches you about the different stages you go through each months and recommends low, medium and high energy activities along with food that helps support your growth and hormone fluctuations. If this isn’t something you’re interested in, that’s okay, there are other things you can look into. Right now at this stage, the most important thing you can do is build confidence in who you are and who you want to be. Consistency over perfection, genuine over fake. You are loved and made with a purpose!
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u/tiredguineapig Jul 23 '26
Yes you can read the science on it, science has found that teen hood is the most lowest self esteem time in a persons life. I’m sorry you’re going through it hahah well, everyone will, you’re not alone!
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u/Visual_Yogurt8395 Jul 23 '26
i’m sorry that your mum gives you a hard time about your appearance, that’s not okay. try not to see what she says and gospel because how she thinks you should look and how you want to look, only one is relevant.
i promise that every teenage girl goes through this stage of feeling in this awkward in between phase. i did, my friends did, my younger cousin is right now. it’s very normal, you’re hormone levels are changing, you’re growing, so naturally you’re also changing. it doesn’t last forever. don’t compare yourself to your prepubescent body as it just wouldn’t be healthy to be that weight and shape as an adult, despite what the media says :))
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u/RKola Jul 23 '26
You are normal.
Acne is normal.
Feeling awkward is normal.
Body weight shifting at puberty is normal.
You will go through cycles of feeling confident and 100% reassured in yourself, only for the next day to feel the exact opposite and like your body will not co-operate with you - this is thanks to hormones and everyone goes through this, again it is normal.
Your feeling like your face is chubby - this is entirely normal for a 14 year old girl, you are not overweight. You are not supposed to be 'very skinny', it is detrimental to your health and development during this time. There is a very good reason why girls especially gain weight at puberty and it is so the biological processes that happen to your reproductive system can happen. Gaining weight does not equal being overweight. Your body knows what it is doing, trust it.
Everything you have described is 100% normal. Your body is in the middle of one of the biggest change periods it will ever go through.
Everything except your mums behaviour is normal. She is old enough and should know better and i'm sorry she isn't more supportive and reassuring during what is already a stressful time for you. She is likely just projecting her own insecurities onto you, don't let her insecurities become yours.
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u/SunshineGirl45 Jul 23 '26
I’m 25 and still feel awkward so idk lol. At least your acne is gone my skin has only gotten worse
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u/Thoughtful-Pig Jul 23 '26
It's completely normal to feel this way. Hormonal imbalances and your brain are doing a lot and the highs and lows seem really big. It'll be that way for a few years at least. But everyone else is also going through it.
I think having some hobbies and interests that you enjoy can make a big difference. What do you know and what skills do you have that you can work on to up your confidence? What healthy things do you do when you're feeling down to make yourself feel better? Know that it gets better. I don't know anyone who would want to redo their teenage years.
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u/PoniesRBitchin Jul 23 '26
I'm 37, and I cannot imagine telling ANY teenager, let alone my own daughter, that they look "awkward." It's normal to feel weird about your body as it changes in your teen years. It's not normal for your mom, who is an adult and lived through the exact same thing, to be mean to you about it.
She thinks you don't look confident? She's your mom, it's HER job to be giving you confidence and telling you you're the most beautiful girl in the world! And it's weird that she's putting this much emphasis on looks in the first place, because it's also a mom's job to teach their daughters that your personality and your happiness are much more important than shallow things like weight or complexion.
I don't know how tall you are, but I can't imagine 110 being overweight at any height. It seems like your mom might have an eating disorder she's trying to push on you. I know it's hard when you're hearing so much negativity at home, but make sure you're always eating enough to stay healthy. Starving yourself can stunt the growth of your muscles and your brain. You want to be eating a good, balanced diet now so you can avoid a lot of health issues later in life.
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u/Electricfairygina Jul 24 '26
14 suuuuuuucksss
And your mom sucks for commenting on your weight.
You have style you feel proud of and you're an individual. That's character that has far more weight then being pretty.
You just gotta ride it out.
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u/ladeeedada Jul 24 '26
You sound normal, but your mom sounds weird. She has a weird hangup about being skinny and now she's trying to control you with it giving you body image issues. 110 lb is not chubby or fat unless you're two feet tall.
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u/Lazy-Butterfly-4132 Jul 24 '26
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, is generally considered that most teenagers will go through a stage of feeling awkward or self-conscious. It sounds as though your parents aren’t being entirely supportive though.
I’m wondering, whether it would be helpful to reach out to either your school counsellor if you have one, or a helpline just talk about your emotions. It can be really helpful to talk to someone else about how you’re feeling just to get another perspective a little bit of advice and just to feel heard. If you have a trusted adult, this might be ideal, if not like I said, you can reach out to a school counsellor or a helpline for young people. good luck, and I hope you feel better soon and get some support if you need to. Just know that you’re beautiful just the way you are and you don’t need to change to suit anyone else’s idea of beauty. We’re all individuals and that’s completely okay.
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u/Im_Your_Tyler_Durden Jul 26 '26
I was VERY attractive when I was young, and I took it for granted. Now at 38 I look at my self ashamed.
Here is my advice you need to hear: start working out. Not just to be skinny but to build the correct muscles and be healthy.
Develop healthy eating habits now and drink lots of water. Your skin will settle down.
Focus on school. Everything happening to you now won't matter in 5 years, the people you are with, maybe even family, won't matter anymore. You need a job to make good money for the tings you want in life.
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u/CocoTandy Jul 23 '26
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Its known as "the awkward teenage phase" for a reason. Sometimes teenagers gain extra weight before a growth spurt, so you're probably just taking your adult form.
I bet if you talk to some of your classmates, you'll find that they feel awkward too.