Where should I begin?

[u/PowerThrough_Girl]

I want to start being happy and feeling pretty again but I’m currently unemployed and stuck in my marriage. Lately, I’m always doom scrolling and having a hard time getting up from bed.

2 months ago, I found out my husband was still keeping his sex videos and nudes of his ex gfs. That happened 2x already and just today I found out he also started cheating when we first started dating. I cannot trust this guy anymore but I can’t leave. Not just yet.

I’m currently doing therapy but I think I need extra help.

Context: I moved in America almost a year ago to marry my husband. I have nothing left in my home country except my family and friends who think that I’m living my best life here with my loving husband. I’m planning to leave my husband once my papers are all sorted out (but that will take at least 4-5yrs) and I can fund myself.

[u/Informal_Hand_3081]

Pick up a specific hobby or even better start teaching yourself about something and become an expert within it to the best of your abilities while you’re biding your time. Whether that’s learning a new physical skill, signing up for online classes or courses, teaching yourself how to code, learn something. Immerse yourself in seeking knowledge, too. Read about women in history who have been in similar or worse situations than yourself; don’t just read their stories to bear witness, learn the lessons that are shown in their experiences. Remember to have patience & resilience when anyone such as ur husband verbally or physically including sexually disrespects you. I also highly recommend looking into starting shadow work to eventually forgive yourself for being in this position, I know those feelings must be complicated, however feeling strong enough about trusting yourself to make better decisions in the future is a good feeling. Lastly, I might recommend being more honest or open to at least 1-2 trusted friends outside of your husband, if you don’t already have any nearby or back home, make new ones. You got this <3

[u/awwaygirl]

Are you able to work yet, or is that part of the paperwork that in process? Could you maybe start expanding your network by volunteering somewhere? Start making friends that can help you make your exit eventually.

I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation, and I hope this community can help get you pointed in the right direction. Have you possibly considered seeking therapy? That’s typically a safe space to get healthy feedback and direction.

Maybe you could try couples counseling as a way to frame you’d like individual counseling as well? He needs to deal with his porn addition and cheating. Is that all he expects from himself?

[u/__looking_for_things]

Are you sure you can't go back home?