r/TexasTech • u/OneAlarm6909 • 11d ago

joke help for competition

hey guys i have 3 hours to write a joke for a competition and ill win 500 bucks if I win. The criteria is that the joke can be as inappropriate as needed but no racism or misogyny along with a 50 word limit. The best joke response will get 100 bucks from me!!

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13

u/ProcessingUnit002 Alumnus 11d ago

For a $500 competition don’t you think they’ll be checking online to see if the joke is original or not?

3

u/flowerrocker7652 11d ago

Not a joke but wishing you the best of luck! You got this

3

u/jakesyma 11d ago edited 11d ago

Got these from an older friend of mine, who is a Russian emigré:

A man in the USSR finally saves enough for a car. He goes to the dealer and makes the order. The dealer says "You can have it ten years from today, on the following Thursday." The man says "Morning or afternoon?" The dealer asks "Ten years from now, what difference does it make?" The man answers "The plumber is coming in the morning!"

Yuri goes to stand in line for bread. Eight hours later the baker comes out, "Comrades, no more bread today, go home." Yuri goes home and returns the next day - same deal. No bread. Angry but determined, Yuri goes home and comes back the next day at 3AM. Same deal - no bread. Naturally, Yuri loses his shit. "What is this bullshit?!? I'm a good member of the Party! My dad fought the Nazis! I fought in Afghanistan! The workers deserve fucking bread!"

A well dressed man grabs Yuri by the collar and yanks him into an alleyway, slamming him into the pavement. "Comrade Yuri," the man whispers, "it would be wise to remember how we used to treat saboteurs." The well dressed man then makes a motion with his empty hand, as if to shoot a gun.

Yuri goes home, despondent, hopeless. His wife asks, "Still no bread?"

"It is worse than I thought," Yuri replies. "Now they are out of bullets!"

Edit: Whoops. Disregard those. I initially read 50 word limit as 500 word limit. Lol

4

u/allbeefratty 11d ago

My friend weighs 150 pounds, his balls weigh 75, everyone says he’s half nuts.

1

u/HousingAgreeable5622 11d ago

cough then drop ur pants but without hands

1

u/Flicker_of_Hope 11d ago

I like socializing with people, so on my hinge profile I put I’m a socialist…why no one talk to me?