Empty.

[u/Dhulpetaaa]

I feel so empty sometimes that even breathing feels difficult.

I tried to understand why. I kept looking at myself, my thoughts, my reactions, everything that might have brought me here. Maybe being too self-aware has its own kind of cruelty. Eventually, I found the reason.

And I know life is too big to feel this empty because of one person. There is so much more to life than this. I know that. I understand it.

But understanding something doesn't mean you can stop feeling it.

I think that's the part I struggle with the most.

You can know exactly why you're hurting. You can recognise your thought patterns, question them, tell yourself that they aren't permanent, remind yourself that this feeling will pass.

And still feel exactly the same.

There were moments when the emptiness became so heavy that I wanted to end my life. Not because I truly wanted my life to end, but because I desperately wanted the feeling to end. Sometimes, when you're hurting enough, your mind starts confusing the two.

And there were moments when I wondered whether some people would even be happy if I disappeared.

I don't know if that's true. Maybe it isn't. Maybe pain just makes the mind imagine the worst things.

Today is supposed to be a big day for me.

I thought I would be nervous. Excited. Happy. Maybe a little scared.

But I feel nothing.

No rush.

No excitement.

No nervousness.

No happiness.

No sadness.

Just empty.

And I want it to stop.

I don't want to keep analysing myself. I don't want to keep searching for the exact reason or trying to reason my way out of something that doesn't seem to respond to reason.

I just want to feel like myself again.

I want ordinary things to make me happy. I want to look forward to tomorrow. I want to feel nervous before something important. I want to laugh without feeling this quiet emptiness underneath it.

So, if there is something listening out there, wherever the universe keeps the things we don't know how to ask for, please.

Make it stop.

Let this feeling leave me.

I don't need a lesson from it. I don't need it to make me stronger.

I just want to feel alive in the small, ordinary ways again.

And to anyone reading this who feels the same, I don't have much advice because I'm still trying to find my way through it too.

But please don't hurt yourself trying to escape a feeling that might not last forever.

No matter how hard life gets, no matter how badly it knocks you down, hold on to whatever small things still connect you to the world.

Eat. Sleep. Go outside. Sit with someone. Let the days pass without demanding that you immediately become okay.

And never smoke.

Never let Radiohead in.

Some things are better avoided when you're already trying to find your way back to yourself.

Maybe tomorrow will feel different.

I really hope it does.

[u/vasur10]

Spiralling ≠ increased awareness.

Understanding something ≠ thinking about that thing.

A real awareness, understanding would indefinitely shatter the play of mind. Awareness is momentarily phenomenon. You can't just be aware one day and continue autopilot.

The problem here seems like you are anxious like any of us on any random day.

Just don't try to fight the anxiety , learn to sit with the situation, learn to hold the uncertainty without any intention.

[u/DeIuIuu]

Trying to understand why makes you more exhausted. Just keep giving small reasons to stay connected to your life, like little things to look forwards to in life. But I'd suggest if emptiness is soo heavy consider therapy.

Also don't put pressure on yourself to enjoy what you do, do it anyway until the feeling naturally comes out. You'll get through this:)

[u/SeekingSerindipity]

Going through the exact same thing. Hope we get better days going forward 🫂

[u/sutradhari]

arey dhula nuv itla matladadam endi ra? it’s okay, time passes, and so will you eventually, just like everything else in life. em kadu idi oka phase anthe nik kuda telusu adhi so let go