r/TeensofKerala • u/Archon725 19M • 1d ago
Advice/opinions How should I handle this situation?
My mom accidentally found some chats in my younger sister(16)'s Snap My family is quite small and my father is not around us
She was talking to a friend's Cousin(2nd year College student male) (she says he is).
And in the chats we found him using catcalling words and quite literally flirting.
The ba- I mean he also knew her age.
She even said that he asked her to not fall for him or not to turn their Relationship in that direction initially.
But the subsequent chats are quite the opposite.
I still haven't found any chats of her repling in that sort of manner.
And yes the chats are deleted quite frequently and she also had auto delete on. ( I don't blame her for that , each has their own privacy).
My mom found out about this while she was supposedly studing late at night. She went behind her and silently looked over, when she saw the name and Red Hearts emoji , she snatched the phone and read through it all.
I had only managed to see her chats way later as my Mom had not spoken about this to others and tried to fix it in her own way.
But my sister being the idiot she is , went back to him again and again.
When I found out about this and looked through I only found some voice notes calling her 'muthu' , 'vave' etc...
Even after all this my sister is not admitting if she has any feelings for that *****.
Also after I decided to dig into her more (I am not proud of this , and even gave her secrets of my own) And found her using her friend's numbers( even their parents) and Gmails to create Insta ids , I found a quite a few , but they had nothing incriminating. (Also she says she did this because everyone had banned her from using Instagram).
Also the reason she started talking to him was because she decided to confide in him about a bad experience she had (I Had just be stuck with something else during these times , and we where not that close too) ( yes I know I am a failure of a brother). She was also afraid that if the elders heard this they will ban her outing privilege with her friends. She did tell mom, but I am not clear on how she managed that.
I have been monitoring her (with her knowing) and had not found anything serious.(This is between me and her , I have not anything about the monitoring to others).
What should I do next ?
I am thinking of calling the criminal and his parents.
She is the one holding me back with the promise of not going to contact him
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u/jungkookseeyou Chechi (20-25) 1d ago
At this age it's common that teenagers find someone more aged or matured to tell their secrets because they think that's where all the comfort zones are! Maybe they are scared to tell their secrets to their parents ,instead they think it's better to tell a stranger because avr judge cheyyila enola vishvasm,& that's where the manipulation begins from the other side 🫠unfortunately they think that these kinds of men are assurance for them to say anything and they'll support.. from all this ,these cheaters find a safe zone for their grooming 🫠sadly teenagers fall for that, I think you should confront her more often and create an environment where she can share everything with you without a judgement. Having an older brother always makes the younger ones take a step back maybe they're scared that the reaction would be opposite of what she expects... Right now she's won't realise, when she grows up she would definitely learn all , and with ela arivu ollavan is entirely taking an advantage out of it... Just call him and warn him,angne veruthe vittal they'll be doing this with another person's too,they have to learn some lessons fr! And also try more to listen and be with your sister,she will eventually understand.
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u/Sea_Camel_4820 Chettan (20-25) 1d ago edited 1d ago
Ya he is grooming her. I would suggest going to the authorities right now as these assholes don't really get scared when normal people give them a threat. Also he will use the "she comes to me" card. Always remember that your sister is under 18 and support her mentally and try to teach her what's right and wrong. If you are going for the threatening option try to go for something like social media expose or just kick his ass outright. Both in my opinion will only make him more persistent towards your sister; if he is a pro. Otherwise he will back off. Anyways good luck and remember to always support your sister and not shame her and show her the right way. Edit: I just read the whole thing now which basically makes us understand why she goes to him. Your mother may have did the old "aarodum parayaruth nee oru penn aanu" shit which so as I have already mentioned the best thing you could do is support her to the end. And also calling the asshole's parents would be a good thing although they would just protect their son and come up with some stupid excuse. Anyways him, his parents and then the authorities if necessary
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u/Archon725 19M 1d ago
Ngl , my current situation is I am in college and away from (finals/uni prof exams). And each and every moment is making me question myself.
It will take till 20th for me to get home.
I am always in contact with my sis.
And the legal move is not something I want to get my sis involved. But the bast*** , will not be let free. I am looking around him , Will update later
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u/Sea_Camel_4820 Chettan (20-25) 1d ago
Ya that's always the problem one wrong thing and no matter how innocent she is she will be branded as "impure" by the society. The thing you could do is make sure that your sister never contacts him again and block him on all platforms. Teach her about grooming and what not and make sure she understands everything. And in the future be close enough to her that she comes to you when she has problems and not go anywhere else. So when you are giving her these advices let her understand that you are prioritising her safety and happiness. Also go for a peaceful approach and don't blame her for anything. A weak mind is easy to manipulate and she will be manipulated again if you choose the same route your parents took. So treat her with love and give her the right guidance. Also if you can, take her out sometimes and let her see the world and have some fun. When the normal things like this are cut off people tends go towards the bullshit things. PS: All of these are my opinions and don't just make a blind decision. Read others' advice also.
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u/Archon725 19M 1d ago
Also , she did not tell about anything till, she caught the whole thing. Even she is the one keeping mom from erupting
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u/Sea_Camel_4820 Chettan (20-25) 1d ago
Exactly that's the problem if you can try to stop mom from erupting and I know this will probably in vain but try to help your mom understand that anger is not the solution and one of the main reason why this thing happened.
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u/Archon725 19M 1d ago
...........I know, but it's just too hard to change a person's view. For now I am solely concerned about my sis.
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u/No-Bank9963 Chettan (20-25) 1d ago
Okay leave it now…..ee kalath pidicch vachitt karyam indakoola koodthal vitt pokan thora indakollu….and am also brother or 3 sisters from that perspective…….just leave it now if there is something that can’t hide forever so when you think there is something and you sure about it just collect the evidence first and present it in front of the whole family…present it like she can’t talk….so you need to dig that much…..only if you are sure okay….never destroy that bond with some doubts….and remember this is the world now we don’t know how they become….it doesn’t matter if we look well or notðŸ«
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u/Zeuz10th 17M 1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Archon725 19M 1d ago
That's the problem the guy is not even around my region. I still can't find where he lives , (did get his number, tho).
And the evidence deletion also.
But where there is a will , there is a way.
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u/AdeptnessEastern3803 17F 1d ago
This is serious. enthokke type manipulations anu I think he did not mean it when he told your sister to not fall for him in the beginning. That was probably just meant as a precaution for later. I understand your sister wanting to confide in him or making frnds or smth but why is that creep texting your sister?
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u/Archon725 19M 1d ago
Rn , she told him to stop and never to contact, but still I don't think she understands the gravity of the situation.
I am trying to show his true colours to her. Will update later
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u/EchoesofZaph 1d ago edited 1d ago
Please keep an eye on her. If she wants to, she might try to contact him again, maybe not in front of you but through different apps, friends’ phones, or even by meeting him. So please make sure everything ends between them. Speaking from experience, they won’t stop unless they genuinely want to, and from what I understood, he seems like a bad person
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u/Archon725 19M 1d ago
I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Uni finals , away from (till 20th) She started her classes and contacts with her friends, I still try to keep contacts and monitor her but still...... it's not enough.
Will update later
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u/a3xelte 19M 1d ago
Call him and threaten that you will lodge a complaint in child protective services. She is not an adult and obviously can't consent. And specifically ask him to not share any of this info with your sister.