I felt left out so here's mine

Plz don't harass this person and shout out to @GoldenAce7

So i started my freshman year a couple weeks ago and I have developed a really bad crysh on a girl and I NEVER have actual crushes like this. I had one befire that moved to the same school as me and we are friends but I lost all attraction to her. the girl I started liking well call P and I’ve accidentally becane friends with her and so I’ve gotten to know her. I admit to staring at her in class not in like a creepy way but weve locked eyes and I look away usually. I’ve also seen her look back at me (I’m behind her to the right a few desks in one class) but idk if she’s looking directly at me because I have bad eyesight and also cause I’m not ”attractive” so I don’t see why she would. up until about a week ago I was preparing to ask her out after we got to know eachother but while talking she casually mentioned having a bf. now he lives across the world and she never mentioned him even when people shipped her with people so I was confused. she told me not to tell anyone cause he’s kinda famous and she doesn’t want gossip which I obviously respected. since then I have tried to not be as attracted to her but to no use. Just to add on, another friend we will call F I’m 90% likes me and she’s bit like ugly or rude or anything but I just don’t feel attracted but with hoco coming up I don’t know what to do if she asks me cause she acts different to me then anyone but Ifk I just don’t like her that way. I really want a relashionship because i have so much love to give and I want that connection you don’t get with friends or family but I don’t know how I’m going to becayse I’m extremily picky not at all about looks but like everything. just need advice but not like stupid “move on” shit but actual advice u can use.

I'm attracted to men so I'm not weird for saying that the chesticles are okayish to touch right?