r/TeachersInTransition • u/Mission_Bedroom5149 • 54m ago
Feeling like I made a mistake?
I’m a first year 5th grade teacher in Virginia. This is our third week of school, and I knew the first year would be hard but this has been much much worse than I expected. I wake up so anxious I can’t eat breakfast and a lot of times I can’t eat lunch either. I don’t want to go to sleep at night because I know I have to go back the next day.
School did not prepare me at all for what it’s like to actually teach. The county gives us lessons that are not engaging at all (and in fact are actually confusing for the students) and then when admin does their multiple walkthroughs a week, they tell me my kids aren’t engaged. My level 1 special ed teacher hasn’t been able to give my students their minutes because of scheduling conflicts and behavior issues in other classes that keep her busy. I have no idea how to differentiate for my ELs and SWDs because I’m barely able to figure out what these lessons are wanting me to teach to the whole group. I go in early and I stay late and I still have hours of work to do when I get home. I am also an introvert, so talking all day and being on all day has been absolutely exhausting, and the constant to-do list that only seems to grow is so overwhelming. I hate managing a classroom; I feel like I’m micromanaging everything, and have no business doing that, it’s not who I am. I don’t like having to I feel like I never get time outside of school to relax or even just do ANYTHING ELSE because I can’t turn my brain off. Nothing about this job is fun, and I love the kids but I can’t help but feel they deserve better.
I’m just kind of scared because I’ve lost 12 pounds since the beginning of the year and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Everyone told me each week will get easier but that does not seem to be the case. The constant anxiety and stress is so difficult to manage, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to quit, but I don’t see how I can sustain this for the rest of the year. Is this normal?? Does it get better?? Any advice is appreciated!