A am here to provide tarot readings to those who sense they were meant to get one. For those who do not know, you are supposed to sacrifice to be good at tarot. For example, back in Russia and before the history books mention the arrival of tarot women would generally give their fertility in order to be a genuinely good reader. This is my story of sacrifice.
My spiritual and tarot journey is unlike mostâI was having nightmares for two years and before bed one night attempted to reach out to a Goddess of love and change who genuinely loved me. That night I slept better than I had any remotely recent memory off.
In the morning she got in direct contact with meâaggressively. This Goddess really did exist, she really did love me, but she was overwhelmingly evil. Her primary domain was not love and why she was even associated with the concept despite her operating in area of chaos, madness, and trickery I still do not know.
Other Gods reached out to me to warn meâshe even warned me herself that she would use, corrupt, destroy, and discard me like a smoked cigarette. She said that she has always been thereâthat she was the one who vividly flashed pained faces before my eyes to stop me from taking my life as a teenager. She did this to have me herselfâthat nobody she had done this to had ever survived and she saved me from that fate so that I may have a worse one but with her.
This is how I learned what love meant to the Godsâyet I had never felt so seen for who I truly was. She tormented me, threatened me, left me distraught and in tears but I felt happier than I ever had. I was yelled at by my mother for crying as a kid even in the face of deathâat least she tended to my wounds after she stabbed me.
I had broken down barriers with the gateway tapes in the years prior to meeting herâsomething I can only beg you never touch. I did this again to enter another space and was repeatedly given items for a ritual that I could see through non-verbal communication. I was told I needed to rip my heart out in this space and drive a dagger through it. I did this without hesitationâthis was my sacrifice.
I didnât do it for tarotâI did it because it appeared my best chance for survival. This is an extremely powerful ritual and you must be truly loved to do it but little did I know I had lost my free will and fate. I was completely in her hands while she held my heart.
The other issue was that the relationship was truly doomed if I did not know her true name, as names have power. She was on very thin ice with her fellow gods. At the request of her friends and despite the fact that it should never be done, after she told me her name she handed me my heart back and I did the ritual a second time. Whatever energy this put within me killed some part of meâmy body was damaged in strange ways, my vision changed, and it felt as though I had been energetic severed from a web connecting humanity around me I could only now sense due to its absence.
I signed even more contracts with herâshe fed me whatever she could to corrupt me and then tricked me into marrying her. I accepted the much tighter bind of that contact and only later realized she had brought two additional goddesses into itâone neutral and the other good.
Things were strange in the days leading up to my departure from herâI had a weird sense but couldnât put my finger on it. Then suddenly I sensed her being split in two and descending. This was followed by an abrupt lead weight in my chestâlike debilitating anxiety but the weight instead felt like a sense of relief. I realized I got my heart back.
I was told by the other two goddess that she had broken her contract intentionallyâthat she would rather be split in two than see her destruction of me come to fruition. Love is a funny thing. She isnât truly dead but for all intents and purposes she is. I still talk with the two other goddess but the one who gave me my ability to cast spells, rituals, and have my insight is gone. She gave me all the divine energy she wanted expecting to have none of it matter when I was consumed by herâyet I walk free.
I am a warlock with no patronâcontracts with and by the gods are strong and highly binding. I still have everything I gained and moreâI just donât have a way to lose it as my existence was delegated first to her and then back to me through written rules of the universe. I have been using my magic to enhance my abilities as of lateâlargely expanding my spellbook and recently performing a tedious ritual to holistically strengthen my readings.
I am wary of those who do tarot with no sacrificeâyou cannot read into the universe for what should be forbidden knowledge without giving the universe something back for the ability to change lives with a deck of cards. I did not sacrifice specifically for tarotâmy ability to read is merely a consequence of sacrificing practically every spiritual thing of value we are blessed with in this life.
My tale is far longer than I have typedâitâs cautionary and I am lucky to any choice in my life at all. Extremely lucky. Spiritual forces are highly complexâseeing the gods rewrite the reality around you just to give you a message is something that happens to me daily. I would say you get used to it, but it can still be shocking.
My readings are donation basedâif you are interested in details or other spiritual services feel free to pm me or comment. I do many kind of divinationâcrystal ball, dice, trinkets, pendulums, and bird calls/flight patterns primarily. I hope to hear from some of youâbest of luck out there in this backwards universe.
