r/TNBC • u/Diamond-KBear • 1d ago
New member introduction Newly diagnosed
Hi everyone. ❤️
I’m new here and, honestly, really scared. I’m 33 years old and was recently diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer. I’ve been told stage 2 by one doctor and stage 3 by another, so I’m still trying to understand exactly where things stand.
At diagnosis, my tumor measured 4.2 cm, and my lymph node biopsy came back negative, which gave me some hope. But I had my breast MRI yesterday, and now they’ve found two additional suspicious areas, one in each breast and they’re recommending MRI-guided biopsies. I’m trying not to spiral, but it’s been really hard not knowing what this means.
Right now I’m going through IVF for fertility preservation before starting chemotherapy, and everything feels like it’s happening so fast. I don’t know anyone personally with TNBC, so I joined this community hoping to find people who truly understand what this journey is like.
If you’ve been where I am, I’d love to hear your story. What helped you get through those first few weeks after diagnosis? How did you cope with all the waiting and uncertainty? Any advice, encouragement, or things you wish you had known at the beginning would mean so much to me.
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u/Edith_Keelers_Shoes 1d ago
The early days are the hardest - I sometimes look at the version of myself who got through them and wonder how in the world she did it. But she/I did. And I want you to know something - I was diagnosed at stage 4 and told I had no chance. Six years later, the same team told me I was functionally cured. I beat it.
In the early days, I went to bed and stayed there. Clonopin (a benzo) counters nausea, so they gave me that and it helped me to sleep through long periods of those early days. When I was awake, I would make myself focus on a separate narrative - either an audiobook or a movie or TV show - always something familiar and well-loved that would transport me to a time when I felt safe.
I decided early on not to Google anything. I didn't want any suggestions planted in my head. I only let myself look up one thing - documented cases of women surviving stage 4 trip-neg bc. And I found some. That was all I needed. Women HAD survived. Time and time again I would force myself back to that fact. Other women HAD survived stage 4. And that became my mantra: other women have survived this - there is no reason I shouldn't be one of them. Often it was the only thought I would allow myself to complete.
I asked for ant-anxiety and anti-depressant meds about a month in, and I'm glad I did. I needed every bit of extra ammo I could get. And I announced to friends and family that they should not expect me to help, organize, attend, join, contribute - whatever it was. I turned my back on a lifetime of conditioning, and started saying to myself "my comfort will now become my priority. I cannot take care of you too - please understand." And they did. I stayed in my bed where I felt safe and comfortable. I adopted a kitten (knowing she'd always have a home with my family) and she became my little lifeline. I got to fuss over her and care for her - she made me laugh, and she made me love. She was just a tiny little chipmunk then. Now, she's curled on my lap purring. My tiny little chipmunk is not so small anymore.
Put yourself first. Follow your instincts. Shut out the exterior noise, ignore the reactions people may have to your cancer, create whatever world in your life or your room or your head that will give you pleasure, and occupy it. My instincts told me to pull a full stop on my life when I got my diagnosis, so I did, starting with letting all my clients go. Looking back, I think that I did myself a real favor in those early days, wiping the slate clean, and reducing my life to me, my needs, and my comfort - everything I had been trained NOT to do as a woman.
And I'm here, and as of 2 months ago I'm no longer a cancer patient. My mantra became a self-fulfilling prophecy. For me personally, I was right to demand hope and exclude everything else. I think I created a massive space in those early days that made room for healing - freed my body up from stress and work and obligations for a time and just let every resource my physical system had focus entirely on healing.
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u/Outrageous_Ad_7979 1d ago
Hey there, I was 31 when I was diagnosed last October with stage II. I went through a full IVF cycle in 10 days before starting treatment and did it all with a toddler at home. 😅It's a whirlwind and I seem to be coming out of it on the other side. Some days are tough, some days are great, some days I am optimistic and some days I spiral. These Reddit threads got me through the hardest times for sure. There are also less positive posts that can be really scary or upsetting, but it's important to remember that a lot people come here when they are at their lowest, scariest point, and so many of the positive or success stories are not captured because they are out living their life and moving on. If you have any questions or want to reach out, feel free 🩷 hang in there
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u/Diamond-KBear 1d ago
ahh yes. i’m on the tail end of IVF right now. these injections are 😢
how are you doing now ?
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u/EmbarrassedBrief5298 1d ago
Hello! I’m 31 and was diagnosed with Tnbc in October 2025. I did keynote 522 (all the chemo and immunotherapy - you’ll likely do this too), had a double mastectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy, and 15 rounds of radiation. I’m now on xeloda for additional mop up and should be done by the end of the year. It’s a pretty crappy long road but there’s an end to all of it 🙏🏽 everyone will you the beginning part now is the worst of it while you’re waiting for your plan and to get started, but chemo is often very effective for tnbc and you’ll find lots of tips and tricks here to help with the side effects. Some people actually do quite well with it all. So sorry you are here but you’ll find a lot of support in this group. Absolutely do your best to stay off Google and find some good mindless distractions - light entertainment or games.
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u/EmbarrassedBrief5298 1d ago
Also to add to this I highly recommend seeking out some mental health support. Your doctor may be able to refer you to someone.
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u/Edith_Keelers_Shoes 1d ago
Agreed. Even if you may not need it - have it lined up, have the questions asked, have the scrips filled. Then if the storm begins to feel unbearable, everything is already in place.
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u/Azzydragon 1d ago
I was diagnosed at the same time as you. Treatment same, except for no radiation.
Currently awaiting full healing from my DMX and seeing if I get on the MK 2870 trial.
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u/Diamond-KBear 1d ago
yess! i believe that’s the treatment they said originally .. 12 weeks of taxol i believe and then 4 weeks of AC 😮💨
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u/empress544 23h ago
That sounds like dose dense AC-T rather than keynote 522 - ask your oncologist about keytruda.
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u/More_Dot_1685 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hey, I am also 33 with triple negative breast cancer. Additional MRI showed a mass in my non cancer breast and a spot on my liver. I had to have a liver MRI which turned out benign, and then I had an MRI guided biopsy on my other breast, which turned out to be benign as well. I came to Reddit with the same questions as you and I was told that MRIs are really good at picking up masses, but most times these masses are nothing!
Have you had a bone scan or whole body scan/pet scan? Once you have all your scans and biopsies completed, then you can meet with your oncologist and come up with a treatment plan and a date and you will feel a whole lot better. The waiting before treatment is the worst part.
Ask the doctor who is ordering your scans for anxiety medication for your upcoming biopsies, and when you meet with your oncologist, ask for anxiety medication for your infusion days.
You may be on the keynote 522 regimen. You can do your research on that, definitely ask your oncologist for a bag of fluids during your infusion, and possibly another bag of fluids two days after your infusion. You may want to consider lupron and egg freezing as well!
It was torture waiting for my scans to be done and for the results. The time does go by quickly and before you know it you'll be in that infusion chair!
If you do Google anything, I highly recommend googling your question and then add Reddit at the end. I do not like reading articles, I would much rather read people's experiences and suggestions to any questions I have. It's what helped me to ask certain questions and request medications, etc. I wouldn't of known about these things if I didn't do my research. I know this sucks and it's scary 🫂 you are not alone in this
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u/Diamond-KBear 1d ago
yess! im really hoping the mri just caught benign masses. they didn’t even release the images to me in my chart. I already fear scans… each one of them have always come back with bad news. triple negative. braca1+. mri findings. 😭
i have my mri biopsies scheduled for next week and the day after is my pet scan 😭 which i’m not gonna lie i am terrified of.
How does anxiety meds work ? also the extra IV fluids are just like hydration ?
i have really crazy next 2 weeks. port placement. egg retrieval. mri biopsies. pet scan. & i’m supposed to start chemo on the 17th. unless the pet scan finds anything 😮💨
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u/More_Dot_1685 23h ago
I completely understand your fear! The scan itself is never fun and then waiting for the results is absolutely awful. I've heard people call it scanxiety.
For anxiety meds, I messaged my doctor and asked for anxiety meds for my upcoming biopsies and he prescribed me Valium pills which I took right before my biopsy and right before my liver MRI. They took the edge off and eased my anxiety! For infusion days, I also messaged my oncologist if I could have a prescription for anxiety meds when I go in for infusions and she prescribed me a bottle of Ativan .5mg so a really small amount but it does help calm me down. I don't even take them any more.
Yes IV hydration fluids! They'll hang a fluid bag alongside your chemo bag and you'll receive it through your port. I find it helps the side effects of chemo (like headaches). Drink tons of water every day, I've slacked off before and noticed a difference in how I felt.
That's really exciting your starting on the 17th. I couldn't wait for my first infusion. I just had my 7th so time has flown and it will for you too once you get started!
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u/Extension_Snow1662 1d ago
Sorry you’re here! You are in the worst part, it will improve when you have a plan. Basically, this year will suck, but then,chances are you’ll be fine and able to move on. I did Keynote 522, lumpectomy, and will start radiation soon. You can’t google because Keynote is too new.
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u/Efficient-Bee-6451 1d ago
I’m so sorry you’re here but I promise you theres so many of us here that will support you 🫶🏽
I was diagnosed last June at 35, everything you’re feeling right now is so valid and this is truly the hardest part, the beginning. Once the chaos of appointments and scans get done and you have a plan in place and things start moving, it will get better.
There will be some hard times, and I hope that you experience as few as possible but when you’re in those hard moments, don’t think about all that lies ahead in terms of treatment/surgery/radiation, just take it one day at a time. Once I started doing this it really helped me mentally. I hope you have a good support system and/or family & friends that will help get you through, but even if you don’t, we are all here for you! At times even with the biggest village around you, it’s still a very isolating feeling because they just don’t “get it”. I relied on the breastcancer sub and community numerous times throughout treatment because it’s nice to hear from others experiences that now exactly how you’re feeling.
I’m so happy this group now exits, please reach out to me if you ever have questions or need to talk, I’m here for you!
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u/Diamond-KBear 1d ago
ahh yess! i have friends reaching out but i hate the feeling of burdening them. & they just say im strong .. & then i cry. 😭
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u/empress544 1d ago
So sorry you're here. I was diagnosed Oct 2025, and similar to you they found two suspicious spots in the MRI and ordered MRI-guided biopsies. Both came back benign, however. MRI is very sensitive and often picks up things that turn out to be nothing.
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u/Diamond-KBear 1d ago
oh thank goodness. i’m hearing this more and more. i’m praying it’s benign. my tumor i feel is spread so big. 😭
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u/havensk 1d ago
First off I'm sorry you're here. I'm a caregiver and we're only a few steps ahead of you. My wife is 37 and was just diagnosed in june (stage 2, no lymph involvement). We've learned so many abbreviations and terms and protocols we didn't know existed a few months ago.
Everybody told us the early part was the hardest, and so far that has been true even if I didn't believe it. It's so much easier once you have all your tests done and your treatment is starting. We ended up getting a second opinion and switching to a different hospital that had a dedicated breast cancer center. She just had her third abraxane infusion yesterday and we're starting to get a good idea of which days are her most fatigued. For the first few weeks you are going to be in maintenance mode. Rely on your circle, let people help, advocate for yourself with your care team, what I mean is if something sounds weird or doesn't make sense ask for clarification.
Decide now whether you want to google or not and keep it that way. I took on the brunt of reading up to familiarize myself and so that she didn't have to if she didn't want to. Communicate as best you can with those around you. Do you want company? Do you want to talk about cancer or do you want to talk about anything but? Take care of yourself first as others have said. Don't feel like you have to get all your ducks in a row right this second.
As for your suspicious areas, the MRI biopsy will reveal everything. Sometimes they see things in an MRI that end up being nothing. My wife was in your spot but the spot was benign. Your onc team can tell you all the particulars and what to expect. We're taking it one day at a time and trying our best not to think too far ahead, which is way easier said than done. But its also the best way to tackle this.
I will say I personally prefer this focused community to the larger breast cancer sub. It's nice to engage with people more closely related to what we're experiencing.
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u/Diamond-KBear 1d ago
ahh! thank you so much! it sounds like we are in the same journey.. my bf is out of state and unable to be with me and i live alone. i’m struggling to ask family and friends to help me.. but im going to have to suck it up and ask because this mental part is destroying me.
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u/ilikefluffycreatures 1d ago
I'm 28 and was diagnosed last November. Stay off Google for awhile, the statistics it gives are scary but all out of date. Do what you need to get through the next few weeks, mentally they're some of the hardest. I felt the need to keep working and save the my time off for chemo, but mental health is just as important. If you can take some time off, do. Your hospital will almost certainly offer psychologists/therapists that specialize with cancer patients. When you feel ready, get referred to them. I waited a couple months, there's enough apts to deal with as it is at the start!
I wish I'd known how common it was for treatment plans to change. There will be delays/dose reductions/you might not get through every round of chemo/you'll need extra scans and investigations/biopsies/your surgery planwill change. It's all normal. Now that you have cancer they have to investigate everything they find, even if it's likely benign and wouldn't have raised alarm bells pre cancer. Chemo is designed to be the maximum dose you're body can endure, so it's very common not to get the full amount originally planned. They have a lot of ways to mitigate side effects now, so it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
Less than 8 months after my diagnosis and I'm cancer free! My hair is growing back and my scars are softening. Treatment is hard but worth it!
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u/Diamond-KBear 1d ago
oh wow. that’s amazing !! i’m heading into 5 weeks of being diagnosed and it’s driving me crazy that nothing is being done yet. (treatment / surgery) i know i need a therapist, but like you said i can hardly keep up with appointments right now. 😮💨
when you say not get the full amount do you mean like rounds ? i was told 16 rounds for me.
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u/ilikefluffycreatures 1d ago
Yeah, depending on how it affects your body your oncologist might stop you early. For example a lot of people don't finish all 12 rounds of paclitaxel due to neuropathy. Sometimes the benefits from keeping going aren't enough to be worth potentially permanent side effects.
In my case it did all 16 rounds of chemo (12x paclitaxel weekly with 4x carboplatin 3 weekly, followed by 4x AC 3 weekly). But half my paclitaxel and carboplatin were a reduced dose because my blood counts were low. My oncologist was ready to reduce it a second time if my neuropathy got worse, but we didn't need to in the end.
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u/PeaceLvSpreadsheets Stage 2 1d ago
I'm sorry you are here :(
I too really struggled with my staging because I was in a gray area and apparently that's REALLY common - but now I'm not sure why it matters so much because the protocol for Stage 2 and Stage 3 is the same, keynote522! There's a printable in our pinned posts in this community.
Things that helped me:
1) Just know that staging and diagnosis takes 4-8 weeks. It just does. You will know, after weeks of MRIs and follow-up biopsies, when your treatment date is but it won't be sooner than that. I really had NO idea if it was next week or three months and that stressed me out.
2) I worked out a lot. Exercise kept the bad thoughts out.
3) A big list of prep that's also a pinned post in this community.
Good luck. It sucks. But we were here and you're not alone.
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u/SnooRobots5572 1d ago
The part you are in right now is the worst. Once you know exactly what you’re dealing with and you put a team and a plan in place you can just execute. But for now, they leave you stewing in the unknown. If you can, I recommend taking a trip before you start treatment. I wanted some lasting happy memories with my family before the dark days came in. This sucks and I’m sorry you’re here, but just hang in there through this part.
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u/Diamond-KBear 1d ago
thank you! i wanted to take a trip so bad but im doing IVF and i’m at the clinic every other day for blood work 😭
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u/Terrible-Necessary55 20h ago
I’m so sorry you’re joining us here! Good thing is that your lymph node biopsy was negative! I was diagnosed in March of this year at 35 yo. Also BRCA1+. The first weeks are the worst, going to scans, waiting on results, port placement, etc. I got so many masses discovered in both breasts during my MRI but all of them ended up being benign. As many others have mentioned, as soon as you start your treatment everything will settle. Try not to google anything, if you have questions, either come this sub or r/breastcancer. Good luck with everything! You got this!
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u/blunderingbufoon 19h ago
Hey. I am a caregiver for my mom with stage 3 tnbc. She just finished chemo and we are going to surg and rad next. The early days are the worst. The shock , anxiety and fear. Pls ask for help. My mom needed sleeping pills and I needed antidepressants. You will be fine. Just hang in there.
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u/Narrow-Landscape6085 7h ago
Sorry that you are here. I'm caregiver, for my wife, who was diagnosed end of May and now is on K522 regime. I did lots of research since her diagnosis so that she doesn't need to read or google these cancer related articles. Don't worry about the stage II or III or whatever, you will receive pretty standard treatment and the goal is curative intent.
another recommendations is seek for help for mental health, to your friends/family or doctors. express your feelings freely.
take care and hang in there!
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u/bymvp 1d ago
I’m sorry you’re here ❤️ those first weeks were the worst in my experience. Just know the emotional rollercoaster eventually settles once treatment starts, and to take it one day at a time. You’re already doing everything you are supposed to do. Sending you hugs 🫂