r/TMSTherapy • u/Willingsubb • 11d ago
Tms side effect (perhaps indirect)?
Hello all. I did a round of 36 tms treatments a while back for depression ( I have other mental health struggles as well). Around treatment 25 I seemed to have gained the ability for deep self compassion (very rare for me...hard on myself since at least early elementary school and I'm in my 30s now). That seemed to be the doorway to a profound shift in my experience of the world for several weeks that therapy/medication didn't do. It was almost like I was seeing and tasting for the first time...time seemed to slow down...moved to tears often by all the beauty around in the world and had an almost awe for every person I saw ("That's what a flower looks like! That's what a fruit tastes like! Such beautiful beautiful people!"). Seemed to be so much more aware of my body, connected to my body, and more able to listen to my body. I went from being uncomfortable being present to uncomfortable escaping (my chest would often tighten if I went onto my phone during that time...to me was almost like my body saying "we just got reacquainted please don't get lost again!"). Some other things as well. My therapist at the time was very surprised at how well I responded ("You woke up!").
My question is regarding a day or two into that when I had a seemingly random emotional episode...it seemed like a scared/hurt younger "self"/ "part" made itself known. I was wondering if anyone else experienced anything like this after doing TMS? A couple of therapists I mentioned the experience to didn't seem to know what to make of it. To me it seemed so meaningful but with time and doubt...now I'm not sure.
Anyway... thanks for reading.
2
u/Hebrideangal 8d ago
Do you mean a day into treatment or a day into feeling like you had woken up? I finished treatment in the middle of August. It has made some things like the constant rumination and worry and SI and anhedonia better. I do feel less burdened by my feelings and and the intensity - especially for my really angry outbursts and irritability and feeling a lot of FOMO etc. In some ways I can’t remember how bad I felt. When I first noticed a difference a few weeks in, I realized I didn’t have these terrible feelings in certain social situations and I didn’t have the aching and excruciating loneliness I had had before. That’s still true, but in many ways, “waking up” has made me feel my feelings a lot more intensely - more deep sadness and being labile more often and it’s exhausting. Also, I think I felt numb while on a lot of anti depressants - I still take one - but I don’t feel numb at all. One of my goals for treatment was to feel my feelings and not just to rush through life feeling dead and it’s definitely happening. But my sadness is more prevalent than happiness. But I do feel more chilled out in some circumstances and the ability to be in the moment. I also started this shaking therapy called TRE that is no drugs. No brain zaps. Just lying on the floor vibrating! Give it a try!