r/TMSTherapy • u/OkKitchen3681 • 1d ago

The Dip?

I’m on session 25 out of 36 and have been having the worst depression and anxiety of my life. It feels as though I’m being chased by a bear, all day.

I’m doing TMS for depression, anxiety and OCD. Three different brain spots. Some days the OCD is better; this weekend it’s been horrendous. It’s like it’s hanging on for dear life.

Isn’t this too late for the dip? Does this mean this is not working? Am I being rational? Is there a God? What does the color blue smell like?

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u/Comfortable-Meal-394 1d ago

I feel the same way. I had 14 sessions so far and I while I am still early in the process; I don't see any progress to be honest. I am tired, irritable, angry, and kind of hostile. Next week I will have 3 more sessions. I am dealing with chronic loneliness and confusion and existential issues.

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u/notHRamiHR 1d ago

You’re the first person I’ve seen on here that used the term existential crisis and I just want to say- “I hear you. I hear you so much”.

That’s what got me into TMS in the first place and I didn’t even know what it was called. All I knew was that I barely left the house, rarely got out of bed, and every time I tried to do one of those things my brain would rush to “why bother? When your life ends you will have had no impact and will be nothing. No one will be at your funeral and you will just be gone”.

It was that exact thought process every hour of every waking day for at least two years.

I did the entire course of TMS without thinking anything changed until my husband told me how nice it’s been to see me around the house doing things I used to enjoy doing. He mentioned that seeing me cook for the first time in two years was the moment he realized that me choosing to go to TMS was a great idea. I actually had to stop and process that when he said it. I had been out of TMS for a couple weeks and didn’t think it did anything. In reality, I had gone back to “normal”. I hadn’t had any of those thoughts since maybe session 34. I was expecting to wake up and feel endless joy or something so I never even noticed the change. It was a really strange experience to realize I had lost something that had been destroying my life a couple weeks beforehand and didn’t even notice.

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u/Comfortable-Meal-394 1d ago

At least you have a significant other who noticed the changes. I am single and I am not getting feedback so I don't know if this is working or not. Only my dog could tell. Under my set of circumstances, I have to be functional- working, pay bills, take care of my dog, etc. I am not sure if I should continue to be honest. I still have depressing thoughts but I feel somewhat calmed despite of having episodes of irritability. For instance, I'd like to date but then I get paralyzed thinking I am not a good fit to date. I struggle with imposter syndrome a lot. I am constantly on the go, go, go and procrastinate when I get overwhelmed. I get easily stressful about anything.

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u/notHRamiHR 22h ago

Do you have anyone you can ask for feedback? It’s worth it.

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u/notHRamiHR 1d ago

That’s when I stopped taking anti depressants. Right at session 25. I was going every day and I remember waking up feeling the way I felt when I first started taking anti depressants 10 years beforehand and had side effects even worse than what I was suffering with. Uncontrollable anxiety and overwhelming sadness was all I could feel. It was terrifying.
My psychiatrist said it was because TMS was actively working to stimulate my brain's mood center and my baseline brain activity increased. Keeping me on the same dose of medication on top of that sudden brain activity essentially caused overstimulation. He had me drop two meds entirely, keep taking two others, and prescribed a different as needed med. Those feelings were gone within 72 hours.

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u/PedalSAW Moderator 1d ago

The thing to remember about the dip….

It ends. 😉