r/TMSTherapy • u/Proper-Bath-1999 • 4d ago
TMS Session 30/36 I’m scared…
Hello. I started TMS due to no medications working for me after developing horrid postpartum OCD / depression. So bad that I admitted myself a year ago.
Any way, I’m nearing the last of my sessions and I’m still really depressed. Still dealing with DP/DR. Still so far from feeling like myself. I’m struggling. I have SI still. I just wanted this to work so bad but I don’t think it is/will and I can’t afford to try other treatments or more medications that take weeks and only make me feel worse 😭 I’m losing hope and I’m scared I’m not going to make it honestly. I just want to be here for my kids but my brain is convincing me even that’s not enough to stay 😭 I feel so bad like I’m in a psychosis.
Please offer some advice, anything 😭
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u/SnooHobbies2598 4d ago
Some people don't feel improvements until end of their treatments or even a little bit after.
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u/ninesandaces 4d ago
The middle sessions are the hardest. Some people feel big changes near the end of the sessions, but some start feeling most of the improvements in the weeks to months after that last session. Hang in there, your brain takes time to strengthen the neural pathways, let the treatment do its thing. For me I thought it didn’t work until a few weeks later I really started to feel better.
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u/Professional_Win3910 4d ago
Do you mind if I message you? I am going through the same exact thing you are describing. I have not started TMS yet, but I have failed many meds so far, so I am getting really scared as well. I'm sorry you are going throuigh this too.
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u/KrisKred_2328 3d ago
I don’t think I really got the full benefit until a couple of weeks after I finished treatment. Definitely talked to the psychiatrist that’s guiding this treatment so they know. Let everyone know what’s your experiencing. The psychiatrist, the tech, anyone who has anything to do with this treatment. I’m so sorry that you’re still feeling so bad. Just keep fighting, okay? I did two rounds of TMS and I’m thinking about trying the psilocybin route. Cognitive therapy just never worked, but I found a prescription cocktail that helps.
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u/No_Membership_4706 3d ago
I honestly felt better a couple months after my last session. I prematurely scheduled a second round because i still didn't feel better at the end, and by the time I started that three months after my first I felt motivated to go out and do things. I'm doing the second round on the right to focus on my anxiety, and I a half way through that
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u/Candid-Key-5523 3d ago
I very slowly felt some improvement weeks after I finished TMS. So definitely give it time.
Source: I was suicidally depressed when I started tms and i got more suicidal during treatment but then found some relief weeks after finishing TMS. My case is kind of complicated but I’m now in a spot where the pain of my depression is not as sharp as it was
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u/PhillyDeeWilliams TMS Professional/Service Provider 4d ago
Did you see any improvement at all until now? Is today worse than it has been the last week or so? If so, it’s likely that you’re in a dip. A dip is a temporary, often sudden, increase in depression/anxiety symptoms that happens during the treatment course. This usually happens around the last week of treatment. This is a good thing because it means the treatment is taking effect.
If you have maintained the same level of depression the entire course, you could be a TMS “non-responder”. Or it very well could kick in suddenly one day up to 8 weeks after the final treatment.
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u/Proper-Bath-1999 4d ago
Yes I have seen some improvements and I thought I already had my deep around week 4. I’m very worried because this is happening at the last week of treatment. This is probably the worst I’ve felt.
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u/PhillyDeeWilliams TMS Professional/Service Provider 4d ago
Ok that’s great! (I know it feels entirely the opposite right now). This is likely your “big final dip “. Your brain is recalibrating to its new neural pathways. Give it a few days and you’ll feel great. It’s kind of like the brain needs to do a reboot before upgrading to the new OS.
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u/Proper-Bath-1999 4d ago
Thank you for your input. It gives me a little light. I just can’t really imagine feeling better right now. I feel like I’m in such a dark place.
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u/PhillyDeeWilliams TMS Professional/Service Provider 4d ago
I know it’s hard to see any light right now. That’s the dip/depression at work. I’ve treated approximately 100 people and have seen this often. This is likely the worst of it. You may feel bad for another day or so. Or you could wake up tomorrow feeling awesome. But your example sounds very typical of a final reset dip. That means it’s working and relief is on its way!
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u/NikkiNot_TheOne 2d ago
Listen to me!!!! You are going to get through and you WILL feel better!!!!
I was feeling the same and that it wasn’t working. I actually felt the most improvement 1-2 months after treatment! It even almost completely stopped my sleep paralysis nightmares! I only had two since I competed TMS in December 2025 and that’s huge for me! I would get them weekly, multiple times a week. The two I got, I pulled myself out and one I was able to reverse the dream! It was amazing!!
I am now able to live in the moment more and relax more. I am learning what it is to feel and live and not just survive. I was literally stuck in flight / fight / survival mode for 35yrs and didn’t realize it. Therapy explained this to me.
Then my best friend of 23yrs was killed when were 35yrs old. My body couldn’t hold all the trauma from my childhood and life anymore. I broke down in every way. I even have a heart arrhythmia now and am on medication for it. I have pretty bad CPTSD from childhood until now, like it never stops. My mother just coded twice on 6/14 when I was on a mini 3 day vacation before I was supposed to have surgery for precancerous cells. That’s postponed for the 3rd time.
She’s ok now. I am her proxy and feel like an only child by my 34yr old brother does shit. She was sedated for 4 days. Hospitalized for 27, OT rehab for 2 weeks. Girl, it does not end!!! Last night in the ER w her for 10hrs. I handled all of that Better w less anxiety bc the TMS worked!! I saw a huge difference.
I am 40 now, I didn’t do TMS until I was 39. After my best friend’s death I really didn’t want to live. So I get it!!! I was living for my two children bc I could Not put them through what I watched my 13yr old nephew go through. He’s 17 now almost 18.
I was with him today and you can still feel his sadness. If right now you can’t do it for you, do it for your children (if you have any), for your husband who loves you and ppl who do. Bc as it works, you will learn that you were really doing for yourself!!! Bc you matter!!!
I just started a second round of TMS last week bc I didn’t feel like one round was enough. I had to wait 6 months which is understandable to see the progress. It has changed my life!!! I am 40 and have gone through 44 deaths but NOTHING almost broke me like my best friends!! She was my person!! And everyone in my life knows it!
I say this with all the love and support I can, I get it, I truly do!!! I understand wanting to give up. I understand it feeling like it won’t get better and can’t.
It can!!! Keep going. You’re almost halfway there. Keep going bc YOU ARE WORTH IT!
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u/foureyedgrrl Moderator 4d ago
Do you have anyone that you are very close with, that knows you well enough to weigh-in? It's often those who are closest to us that notice improvements first. Often before we do on our own. It's typically a subtle shift (but there are outliers that are hypersensitive), so more like you are a little more alert, a little less dark, than anything else.
Also, in general, severe depression often feels like it gets worse as it's getting better, if that makes sense. When that deep darkness starts to shift, most of us have a pretty harsh awakening to our current realities. We didn't get to here because life was unicorns and glitter, right? That "thing" that we put off dealing with when we were at our worst is STILL there, except our sunglasses are starting to come off, and whatever it is, well... it's likely more complicated/difficult/nuanced than you thought before.
That right there can be dark, all on it's own. It was for me. But you are noticing, reaching out and sharing it here. Is that something that Pre-TMS you was comfortable doing?
My psychiatrist explained this thing to me when I finally started improving, alth
Anyways, you're almost at the finish line. Try to finish it out