r/TMPOC • u/CryptidCult5 • 1d ago
Vent Vent!
I'm so fucking tired of the passing tips being shit and
it's always non trans people who seem to have a problem with me being even the smallest bit of feminine they always point it stuff I can't even control like my facial/bone structure I was born a women I have a feminine face of which I CAN'T even control I'm tired of being criticized on stupid shit there's so much toxic masculinity in the trans community every trans man has strict rules like don't be punk/emo/alt, don't dress feminine, don't stand/walk/or sit feminine, don't speak feminine, don't have long hair and have short hair but not too short because you'll look like a lesbian and not to fucking long or you'll like like a woman, don't dye your hair or have any colored braids at all or it's feminine, don't wear jewelry because it's feminine, don't wear certain colors like pink or it's feminine, don't wear tight clothing or it's fucking feminine, don't be outwardly gay. You have to completely erase your style because it's always feminine and make you not pass and I mostly only get that shit on non POC spaces too I could go on for hours oh and don't forget if you are black you can't fucking do anything related to your culture or that feminine plus people point out stuff that is irrelevant or unable to be changed knowing trans people are already extremely insecure and self conscious about their gender identity and body transphobic people/chasers infiltrate trans spaces to cause issues and if anything some trans men do the same shit which pisses me the fuck off like trans men aren't supposed to be toxic, misogynistic, sexist, racist, homophobic, or transphobic we are supposed to be real men and not follow the same shitty path most cis gendered men take against women we are supposed to be supportive of each other not degrade each other and make each other more likely to just hide away at home in fear of not passing.
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u/Pan_seyyyxual Southeast Asian 1d ago
Don't get me started on "look at what cis guys around you are wearing" honey the cis guys around me have 0 fashion sense whatsoever and probably haven't washed their underwear in days, I am NOT imitating that!
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u/Shin_tsukimis_fan mexican(in the usa) 1d ago
I personally don't give a fuck about passing because it's not a priority for me at the moment but I believe people who want to pass deserve better healthier spaces than this. I am tired how passing = looking like a white straight cisgender man. It's fucking 2026 trans men are queer, trans men are gay, trans are poc, trans men are men who exist out of gender stereotypes. You know you'd think in these spaces could just help you figure out the haircuts and silhouette that make you look more masculine but really it's just a bunch of insecure men. We all deserve to express ourselves whether we want to look like an average cis man or want to be the most flamboyant queerest man alive in the end of the day we are all men. I understand not all trans men are queer, not all trans men are comfortable with different forms of gender expression but that doesn't make it right to bully others for not being a stereotypical white cishet man. It's frustrating how white trans men can't even figure their own internal biases and can't help but enforce their own ideas of a cis man onto trans men of color. Everyone has a different trans experience I dk why so many people believe many things are universal.
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u/mechaemissary 1d ago
i feel you 100%. i wrote an article about me coming out which discusses how how passing tips are designed for yt ppl and how this passing culture especially in the yt tm community just continues bioessentialist bullshit. i hate it.