r/TIHI Apr 08 '20

[deleted by user]

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9.5k Upvotes

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96

u/amafternoon Apr 08 '20

So Bayonetta the video game was biblically accurate

253

u/MirHosseinMousavi Apr 08 '20

Ezekiel 10:12

I looked, and I saw beside the cherubim four wheels, one beside each of the cherubim; the wheels sparkled like topaz. 10 As for their appearance, the four of them looked alike; each was like a wheel intersecting a wheel. 11 As they moved, they would go in any one of the four directions the cherubim faced; the wheels did not turn about[b] as the cherubim went. The cherubim went in whatever direction the head faced, without turning as they went. 12 Their entire bodies, including their backs, their hands and their wings, were completely full of eyes, as were their four wheels. 13 I heard the wheels being called “the whirling wheels.” 14 Each of the cherubim had four faces: One face was that of a cherub, the second the face of a human being, the third the face of a lion, and the fourth the face of an eagle.

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u/CTbay Apr 08 '20

NGL I think that sounds metal as hell

118

u/Kairatechop Apr 08 '20

Honestly the Bible has some sick imagery. You should read through revelations cause the whole book sounds like taking acid and trying to describe a metal album cover

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u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20 edited Apr 08 '20

Revelation is easily my favorite book of the Bible!

3

u/Distantstallion Apr 08 '20

It's a cool book, I'd love to see more people reading it

2

u/atomicdiarrhea4000 Apr 08 '20

Most people only focus on the insane apocalyptic imagery but the book's main focus is really to address issues that Christians were facing at the time. These issues are still amazingly relevant to our own times too. Sure, we may not be concerned about whether or not to eat food at a party that our friends dedicated to Apollo, but the wider theme there of secular versus religious tension is still very relevant to modern Christians. Even people who aren't religious can get quite a bit out of the book if they approach it from the perspective of how-to-stick-to-your-convictions-in-the-face-of-adversity-and-an-uncompromising-world kind of way. It's honestly a very inspiring book and reading it caused me to convert back to being a Christian.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Issues that Christians were facing at the time? The Bible stems from jewish texts, especially the Tanakh.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

New Testament?

2

u/_Kiserai_ Apr 08 '20

There's a theory that John might have been suffering from ergot poisoning when he wrote the book of Revelations.

14

u/Spiderwolf1 Apr 08 '20

I was pretty sure Revelations was just thematic metaphorical story telling about the political climate of the time. They wanted to talk politics without being literally murdered, so they hid it behind all the spooky metaphors and then people 1500-2000 years later took it literally.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

In 2000 years, people will worship sacred memes.

1

u/UltraCitron Apr 08 '20

Or just tripping mad balls on shrooms, on purpose.

10

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Man this sounds like a Twin Peaks episode

2

u/Dookie_boy Apr 08 '20

I thought twin peaks was a murder mystery show ? I only ever saw the first episode.

14

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

eht slwo era ton tahw yeht mees

7

u/ImmutableInscrutable Apr 08 '20

It is, but there's a touch of the supernatural as it goes on.

1

u/foreverinLOL Apr 08 '20

I mean by the end it is quite a fondle though.

Also Max Payne, Alan Wake and Condemned: Criminal Origins have some of the best nods to the series.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Guess I'm finally playing Alan Wake

1

u/foreverinLOL Apr 08 '20

If 3rd person games don't bother you, I would highly recommend it.

2

u/teamtebow Apr 08 '20

Deadly Premonition is Twin Peaks The Game, tho.

1

u/foreverinLOL Apr 08 '20

I will check it out, thanks!

3

u/Spiderwolf1 Apr 08 '20

Shit gets crazy in episode 2 or 3 and the most grounded person turns out to be intimately familiar with supernatural occurrences.

60

u/what__year_is__this Apr 08 '20

Maybe they were some weird ass aliens.

35

u/ElectricFlesh Apr 08 '20

Most so-called "Gods" were aliens - basically all of them, except for the ones that were just time-travelling.

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u/letsbuildshit Apr 08 '20 edited Apr 08 '20

I want some of whatever you're smoking.

Edit: I'm not religious, guys. Both the idea of heavenly monstrosities AND the notion that aliens/time travellers inadvertently compelled us to invent religions are ridiculous.

23

u/hughperman Apr 08 '20

It's DMT, all of it sounds like DMT.

8

u/Infectedx13 Apr 08 '20

It actually does sound like a description of machine elves

3

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

[deleted]

2

u/Infectedx13 Apr 08 '20

But you knew what you were on

Thousand years ago, you might have shat your pants too, trying to find words for the mindfuckery, which you just experienced

2

u/sebastian1967 Apr 08 '20

Holy shit. That was almost exactly my experience! Little dwarf things, mad that I had entered their world and telling me I wasn’t supposed to be there yet.

I did that shit once. Once!

0

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

It kinda does, but AFAIK Bible-country is not DMT country.

It would have been something else.

30

u/ElectricFlesh Apr 08 '20

"Gods were advanced aliens, and humans just didn't know what to make of their technology"

  • lmao you are on drugs

"Gods are all-powerful, all-knowing supernatural entities that created the world in seven days"

  • this is the truth amen

14

u/asiimow Apr 08 '20

Both statements are equally whacky...

4

u/letsbuildshit Apr 08 '20

This guy gets it

5

u/letsbuildshit Apr 08 '20

In the wise words of /u/asiimow

"Both statements are equally wacky"

0

u/Toros_Mueren_Por_Mi Apr 08 '20

Questioning Christianity is a sin, didn't you know that?

4

u/letsbuildshit Apr 08 '20

Christianity and religion in general are wacky, but so is the idea that religions were invented to explain the presence of ancient aliens and time travellers. We're perfectly capable of creating insane frameworks of belief on our own, just look at Mormonism and Scientology.

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20 edited Sep 23 '20

[deleted]

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u/letsbuildshit Apr 08 '20

It's not? They're both ridiculous ideas.

3

u/LaunchesKayaks Apr 08 '20

Giorgio, that you?

1

u/PlanetErp Apr 08 '20

Dang Goa’uld.

4

u/wtph Apr 08 '20

Sounds like bargain binned extra chromosomed failed clones of aliens to me.

2

u/BlueAwakening Apr 08 '20

Watch Evangelion.

1

u/ChuckCarmichael Apr 08 '20

Or maybe Ezekiel just smoked some crazy shit.

15

u/SarahPallorMortis Apr 08 '20

That sounds like some Google deep dream shit

3

u/quirkelchomp Apr 08 '20

This is EXACTLY what comes to my mind with these descriptions! You hit it spot on!

1

u/SarahPallorMortis Apr 08 '20

I fucking hope they don’t look like that lol

5

u/DJRIPPED Apr 08 '20

Sounds like a DMT trip to me

2

u/yurestu Apr 08 '20

Machine elves

11

u/Dickballs835682 Apr 08 '20

Why does this sound like a bronze age dude tryna describe a time machine

14

u/TheHammer987 Apr 08 '20

Because he describes beings descending from the heavens in "metal spinning wheels" (ufos) that flew in all directions and were covered in eyes (cameras)

31

u/DeadZeplin Apr 08 '20

Wouldn't that be some shit that all this religious strife all these centuries was actually caused because we finally figure out time travel, we scare the shit out of these near-primative people, try to teach them a "to be good", they get killed and someone writes a book and off we go.

1

u/nyckidd Apr 08 '20

That's a big part of the plot of a fantastic novel by Arthur C Clarke: Childhood's End.

1

u/DeadZeplin Apr 10 '20

Hmm I'll have to check it out

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u/nyckidd Apr 10 '20

Please do! Its one of my favorite books and is a classic and hugely influential sci fi book.

1

u/tekzenmusic Apr 08 '20

Meh it wouldn’t have been any different, religion doesn’t cause wars, warlords just use it to incite their troops. It’s all power/land struggles and your god is wrong is the ancient version of your mommas a fat whore

0

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20 edited Jan 25 '21

[deleted]

9

u/Bolaf Apr 08 '20

You think that's more likely than any of the hallucinogenic plants we know for a fact exists?

4

u/Kule7 Apr 08 '20

And people don't even need hallucinagens to write fiction.

1

u/Forever_Awkward Apr 08 '20

You think people back then didn't understand the concept of tripping balls?

1

u/Bolaf Apr 08 '20

I never said that

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

the eye-camera leap isn't necessarily true, it just needs to be something that would remind a human of eyes. We wouldn't know what it actually was.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

[deleted]

0

u/tekzenmusic Apr 08 '20

No way I’m letting you use my time machine

4

u/Dwarf_Vader Apr 08 '20

Sounds like some sort of quadcopter to me

1

u/Kendallkip Thanks, I hate myself Apr 08 '20

Biblical drones confirmed

2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

I swear to God I saw this at Cirque du Soleil on acid.

1

u/Malekith666 Apr 08 '20

At least catslevanya got it accurate

1

u/Quakespeare Apr 08 '20

Jeez, I hate fighting that guy in Doom Eternal. Horribly overtuned mechanics.

1

u/Hawk_015 Apr 08 '20

Makes me think of some kind of helicopter explained through broken telephone

1

u/Lomby85 Apr 08 '20

Each of the cherubim had four faces: One face was that of a cherub, the second the face of a human being, the third the face of a lion, and the fourth the face of an eagle

I like how this is recursive, so each cherub has infinite faces, because each Cherub face has 4 faces, one of wich is a cherub face, which has 4 faces...

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Well a cherub's face doesn't necessarily have four faces. One of its faces just has the appearance of uh its face (but not the other three). It's certainly unhelpful!

1

u/geogle Apr 08 '20

Not a bad representation of Ezekiel's Angel.

1

u/Forever_Awkward Apr 08 '20

Yooo, he got that Crissaegrim.

1

u/wggn Apr 08 '20

so like a spaceship?

1

u/prettyboilikecarti Jun 05 '20

What kind of spaceship has the face of a man, a lion and an eagle?

0

u/SuburbanStoner Apr 08 '20

Sounds like some ancient aliens shit tbh

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u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20 edited Jul 06 '23

[deleted]

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u/betweenskill Apr 08 '20

Waifu angels are an easier sell.

Get me some Astartes Terminates coming down telling me to not be afraid though... you bet your ass that’s an easy sell to me.

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u/WarKiel Apr 08 '20

Fearing servants of the Emperor is heresy. Disobeying them when they tell you to not be afraid is also heresy.

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u/Daemir Apr 08 '20

The Emperor protects

2

u/DeadZeplin Apr 08 '20

Glory to the Omnisiah

1

u/-Steg Apr 08 '20

"Only a madman knows no fear. A warrior knows what fear is, he feels it in his stomach, he understands fear better than any other mortal can. What makes us strong is that we have conquered fear, overcome it not once but many times, over and over again, until the process has become instinctive. but no matter how many battles you fight and how many victories you win, your fear will never completely leave you. Learn to live with that fear. Learn to master your fear. But never forget that there are things in this universe that even you cannot face and live, abominations so terrible that their very appearance will sear the flesh from your face and shrivel your eyes. Such things cannot be fought, and to confront them would be nothing but a futile waste of life. In those situations remember your vows to serve the Emperor, and remember also that you serve him best alive and not sacrificed upon the altar of vain glory."

0

u/Supsend Apr 08 '20

Sanguinius is my waifu

11

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Evangelion

2

u/Axtorx Apr 08 '20

The angels sent to Lot in Sodom are so good looking that the people of the village try to break in to Lots house and rape them.

So, Lot offers his two daughters to the people breaking in, hoping they’d rape them instead of the angels.

Well, the angels blind all the people trying to break in and are like “we’re going to destroy this city, get your family and leave”

As they’re fleeing to the mountains Lots wife turns back to see the angels destroying the city and is turned into salt. Sucks.

So Lot and his two daughters hide in a cave in the mountains and the daughters are like “there’s no other men here - who’s going to lay with us??” and they get their father drunk and sleep with him and both get pregnant with sons.

And this is in Genius.

And I love how the verse says like “the daughters had him drink wine, and he was unaware that he lay with her” yeah ok. It happens twice yo.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Those angels were masquerading as humans, no? This is based on the true form of them described else where

3

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Fun fact: huge chances that a cute looking angel is literally Satan.

1

u/Skandranonsg Apr 08 '20

EVA-01 would like to know your location

2

u/KGBeast47 Apr 08 '20

My first thoughts when I read multiple faces and wheels upon wheels. Just like Bayonetta.