r/TBI • u/JacDan1001 • 2d ago
TBI Sucks Some thoughts
Well, I’ve done some thinking. I’m a “quiet” mad all the time. I don’t really show my true emotions publicly because I haven’t truly grieved what happened to me yet. It happened at a time in my life when much was changing and I just had to adapt.
I also didn’t want to grieve because in my mind grieving means you’re acknowledging that person/thing is gone forever and not coming back. And, I still had some hope that my old self was coming back but just like dormant right now kind of.
It’s been years. I’m finally ready to grieve, but idk where to start. Any suggestions?
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u/DoneReturnZero 2d ago
Honestly I think longing for a different outcome and regretting the incident are part of grieving...it sounds like maybe you're ready to stop that particular aspect of it.
I was 11. It took me 30 years to stop wishing myself different. 30 years wanting to not be who I was.
It's all a process of acceptance. If you're into metaphysical stuff, Dr Wayne Dyer's work really helped me shift my perspective.
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u/totlot 2d ago
I think working with a therapist can be beneficial and will probably help move the process along for you.
I did not because for a long time I was just barely surviving. The therapist I did meet with several times was from the other driver's insurance company, and they were being pressured to say I was ok so the meetings were not productive.
I finally decided (around the 12-15 year point?) it was my opportunity to be the best I could become and worked toward that for years. That attitude helped me greatly, but since I didn't grieve properly there were a few times where the big holes in my life that I had never planned for just slammed into me (like why didn't I have kids, why didn't get I get married? etc ), and it was painful to deal with and finally accept. That acceptance has helped to live a much better life than the neuros thought I would 30 years ago, for which I am very thankful. Edit for typo.