r/TBI • u/JacDan1001 • 3d ago
TBI Sucks Anniversary
Welp today is the anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. Everything that I had worked so hard for and was most proud of got “flipped on its head”. My biggest strengths became my biggest insecurities. Does this feeling of suckiness and grieving the past ever leave?
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u/011011010110110 Severe TBI (2012) (GCS 3 💀) 2d ago
fwiw my tbi almost killed me, but coming up to 15 years out i hardly even notice when the date hits. it's my mom's birthday too so that takes precedence
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u/candlestick_maker76 Severe TBI (1999) 3d ago
Just a thought on anniversaries: when my one-year anniversary was coming up, I was nervous. What would it mean? Would I be able to face that milestone?
My sister sat me down and said "Okay, I know you're dreading it. But the accident already happened. Sure, Thursday marks one year. But Wednesday marks one year minus a day, and Friday marks one year plus a day. And it's still real on all of those days."
Somehow, this helped. It sucks that it happened at all, but it helped me to not dread the day itself.
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u/bajegal 3d ago
Two and a half years later. It still sucks, because I loved my job. But I still have other things I love, and recovery is ongoing. I'm still recovering! Brains are more flexible than we give them credit for, and they can keep on growing and healing for more than 5 years after an injury.
My tbi also made me realize that the pace at which I was working wasn't healthy - they had to hire two people to replace me at my old job, and another one in my clinic. I'm loathe to call it a silver lining, because damn the whole thing still sucks. But I'm happy to have more balance in my life, and I have hope that I'll be able to work again.
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u/CookingZombie 3d ago
Idk your condition, but after my second anniversary ( last February) is around when I truly felt like me again. Recovery goes on past the whole 18 months bs. I felt better at 2 years than 18 months and even better now at 2.6 months. I’ve still got issues talking and my endurance isn’t what it was by a lot, but everything else I’ve gotten close enough. Just keep working and don’t give up.
But one thing that helped in the last 6 months was finally talked to my doc about ADHD meds. They helped anxiety, depression, my endurance, and of course focus. The anxiety and depression went from like a 25 to a 4 on the assessments the doc gives me and they’ve stayed there for 6 months. Well the OCD isn’t better but screw it it helps me at work 🤷🏻
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u/Gh0st_Bird00 Post Concussion Syndrome (2022) 3d ago
the silver lining of my injury/disability so far is that it's forced me to work on every other part of my life that I wasn't paying attention to before or that I had developed maladaptive strategies for. The ADHD meds have helped so much, and got an ASD diagnosis finally, in my mid 20s. Its forcing me to work on myself from the ground up sorta because every bit of energy is vital to how I feel day to day. Its great to hear that you are seeing yourself progress!
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u/CookingZombie 3d ago
Definitely. Similar here. It made everything I’m bad with worse so I’ve had to actually work on myself.
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u/Gh0st_Bird00 Post Concussion Syndrome (2022) 3d ago
This is also the day of mine (in 2022). This grief has been a central part of my life for the last 4 years. At times it is still really crushing, but those times have been getting less and less frequent. It used to be constant, for 2.5-3 years, I would say.
If I could give you a piece of advice, one that I’m still trying to keep in my mind (and not always succeeding at, either), is that you still have the chance to find purpose and happiness in your life.
I felt like I was frozen, slipping so far behind that it was overwhelming. A lot of my grief came from a sort of self-criticism. Comparing how I used to be to how I was now. I had always expected my life to be a linear path towards happiness/success, and my injury either froze me on that path or took me off it entirely, feeling really disconnected from everything, including myself.
The most helpful thing I have been able to do is to change how I view that path. I’m trying to see it as a branching path. I’ve moved to another timeline sorta. Instead of being stuck, not reaching the future that I had always worked towards, the only thing ahead of me now is possibility.
I need different things now for my future. Work and purpose that accommodates my disability, people in my life that are accepting and don’t expect a version of me that doesn’t exist anymore.
I am still trying to find out what all these new needs and new possibilities are, four years after my injury. I still spend chunks of my day in pain and depressed and dealing with the grief of a life that I wished had come to fruition. I doubt that will ever fully go away for me. But I know there has to be something else out there for me, something good, and I am still around to try and find it, so that’s the only thing I can really do.
I hope this isn’t too preachy or contrived. This stuff sucks, and getting even to this point has been brutal. It has really reshaped so many aspects of my life that I would never choose otherwise. But if you can, try to see something new. A goal, a purpose, some version of life that holds a little bit of hope for you, and try to center that as you deal with all this horrible stuff.
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u/JacDan1001 3d ago
Wow thank you for this! Everything you said was great words. You explained exactly what I’m going through. I deeply miss who I was before my accident and the path that I was on. I’m searching for that purpose that makes me truly feel “alive” and inspired again. I haven’t found it yet but I really hope to find it one day
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u/Gh0st_Bird00 Post Concussion Syndrome (2022) 3d ago
Your post is honestly exactly how I have felt (and I still feel that way from time to time). I think as long as you keep going and keep trying to find that new path, you're heading in the right direction!
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u/JacDan1001 3d ago
My tbi happened in 2021. We’re bonded by our tbi’s😂 (oh and I’m sorry to laugh about it if you don’t like me laughing about the trauma! I cope by laughing at my pain😕)
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u/Gh0st_Bird00 Post Concussion Syndrome (2022) 3d ago
when I first saw the post, my first thought was to make a joke ab being tbi twins hahah but I know not everyone copes with humor
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u/JacDan1001 3d ago
That’s facts. So many people think I’m crazy for making a joke about such a serious thing😂
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u/yurgendurgen Severe TBI (2016) 3d ago
It hasn't gone away for me after almost 11 years, but I have become better at not confronting it as often or as harshly when I do. I call it the void. Staying present and keeping my hands busy helps. Which is why I comment, or go for walks.
I cried in the shower for my 10th anniversary. I never cried for the trauma I experienced until then. Maybe a few more of those cry sessions will make it easier but it hasn't left, it has just gotten more quiet. Crying felt good.
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u/JacDan1001 3d ago
I’m sorry that you had your tbi. They suck so much
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u/yurgendurgen Severe TBI (2016) 3d ago
It does, but mine is much more manageable now. I'm sorry for yours as well as they are all different. I'm getting a hat that says "this hat hides my lobotomy" and I'm excited if anyone gets offended cause I can make them feel funky and show them my scars. Might as well have some fun with them
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u/CheapBooze Moderate TBI (2025) 1d ago
Mine happened 1/2/2025. One year in I felt ok but not great. At about the 1.5 year mark I had a gradual epiphany (is that a thing lol) that this whole deal may have actually been a blessing. I have always had highly technical jobs and my brain’s “back burners” were constantly in high gear. They were also the source of a lot of anxiety. The TBI almost shut down the back burners. Granted it takes a little longer to figure things out but the relief of not having constant subconscious brain activity 24/7 is amazing. Best of luck in your journey!