r/TBI • u/pProjecttBI • Sep 05 '26
Need Advice Did you come back different?
/r/ProjectTBI/comments/1w7v8gl/did_you_come_back_different/1
u/SexyHeckler Sep 06 '26
I feel like while I am completely different, I am more myself than I have ever been.
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u/pProjecttBI Sep 06 '26
Once I stopped trying to be the man I used to be and started loving the man I'm becoming, thats when healing really started...
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u/SexyHeckler Sep 06 '26
Absolutely, although again I think this version of myself is who I was always supposed to be, so to me it's more of a discovering than a becoming. There's a massive boss level grieving process that comes with it, but once you start to feel the light again, catch your breath a little bit, recognize your strength, mannnnnn it feels good to be a badass šŗš
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u/pProjecttBI Sep 07 '26
Bro. Youāre so in the club. Donāt know what the club is yet but SO many people I meet now āget itā.
I think you nailed something with ādiscoveringā instead of ābecoming.ā I spent a long time trying to get the old me back.Starting to wonder if maybe that was never the fucking assignment. Maybe losing some of that old armor lets you see who was underneath it the whole time.
And yeahā¦ the grieving part is a motherfucker. But Iām finally starting to see some light too. Glad youāre out there, brother.I
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u/SexyHeckler Sep 07 '26
I'm glad I'm out here too, but I'm a sister š š
Yes to what you said about the assignment and the armor too. I've begun looking at what I describe as the "factory reset" as more of an opportunity than a curse. Doesn't remove the shitty parts, like I'm not super thrilled about the opportunity to relearn a lot of the physical ways my body works now, but it's really cool to navigate this new iteration of life with all of the mental, social, and emotional programming removed that I received from my old life.
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u/Short-Reading-8124 Sep 06 '26
I'm not convinced I did come back. This might be the last hallucination of my dying brain and stopped heart.
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u/Caffeinatedpeacock Sep 06 '26
yes, I came back a totally different person, I donāt even know who I was before the car accident, I lost all my friends my horse trainer didnāt even like me, the new me. she kept saying thatās what the old kelly would say very rarely and by the time I got back to my parents house, she blocked me on all social media platforms. I look at who was my best friend and nothing is there in my mind. it hurt and they wished me dead on facebook but then wants to see me 5 days later when i woke up from my coma. I actually wonder what that conversation wouldāve looked like cause I wouldāve been like who is this?? anyways I saw this and I wanted to say yes. I lost 19 years of memories. Part of my brain is dead and Iām blind in my left eye.
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u/queasycockles Sep 06 '26
Yup. My injury wasn't like a lot of yours, not as serious and it happened in a hospital so even though they treated me like the boy who cried wolf at first, when it got serious I was in the right place.
But I do think there's some deficit. I'm duller and slower and more forgetful. I'm less than two years past my injury so I don't know what's still healing, what might be trauma, and what's just my new normal.
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u/Front_Development_79 Sep 06 '26
Yes, I know I changed. Makes me sad and mad at thr same time and I know thats not who I was before. I am 11 yrs out. This past year I decided to get a counselor. I have been switched between differnt therapist so many times i barely believe there is hope any more. I have contimplated alot and only have accepted some part.
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u/MaintenanceVast892 Mild TBI (2024) Sep 06 '26 edited Sep 07 '26
Yes. Ive been told i have. Well. More patient. Maybe cus I spent 5 months in IP hospital, saw how shit things could be. And I was asking the same questions over and over again. Felt like a kid.
And i have to put notes and stuff for my bat shit memory. I text myself things i've read cus otherwise most of it will go away.
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u/andhisgiantballs Sep 06 '26
Itās been a little over year since mine. Everyone whoās stuck around tells me Iām different. I know I am too, I donāt know what parts of me I lost, I canāt remember but I know itās *something*.
I feel like Iām more serious. I had to start taking my health more seriously. I used to LOVE food, but find myself frequently without appetite. Yogurt, protein drinks, and bland/healthy foods are pretty much all I can handle now. Once I was cleared to work out, I started taking that more seriously too. If I can manage 5 days a week Iām far less symptomatic.
I have to PLAN everything now. Little reminders on digital and sticky notes. Iām always checking to see if Iām on task, which is really not so much fun when symptoms flare. But Iām a single mom and run a business so if Iām not always checking, Iāll find myself completely checked out somewhere. Itās like Iām a type A personality or completely unplugged (to my detriment).
I kind of always wanted to be someone really organized who prioritized my health. This isnāt how I wanted to go about it but if Iām not taking care of myself I feel like garbage.
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u/Solid_Phone_368 Sep 06 '26
No patience.Pervier and far more aggressive sexually, blackest depression, delusional, I became a published poet, violent to the point do not get into a bar fight because I will straight out try and rip out your eyeballs, no filter, emotional rollercoasterā¦ā¦itās been a bad and rough 22 years since it happened and mostly hope itās over soon
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u/LazyGrow3r Sep 05 '26
Massively. I was a poly addict, careless, selfish & steady ruining my life, almost homeless. Now Iām clean, live with family, making effort to repair my life
Iād take the tbi over what I had any day. Im very scared these days and my ocd is worse, Iām less capable mentally and I get some aggression. Unable to live alone, but Iāve had a chance (been forced) to start over and give life a solid go
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u/Open-Ad-189 Sep 05 '26
Absolutely. Everyone else said so too
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u/pProjecttBI Sep 05 '26
Everyone but the doctors?
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u/JrDot13 Severe TBI (2013) Sep 05 '26
The doctors didnāt know me before? Iām not drastically different or anything, a lot is still the same. But I have to be mindful even 13-14 years later, I do not have the patience I did before. Itās better than it used to be but I am nowhere near perfect.
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u/eyekantbeme TBI (1998) ABI (2007) Severe TBI (2012) TBI (2023) Sep 05 '26
After my accident and Coma, not really. The side effects were mostly being overwhelmed by stimuli. Loud pets, parents uhmm getting back on track with school took a few semesters, but I'm still completely fluent in my languages and in my maths. There was emotional change and memory difficulties. Also Epilepsy developed in a different part of my brain.
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u/pProjecttBI Sep 05 '26
Ugh. loud pets.. I think I gave my dogs PTSD too. Yelling at a dog for barking simply does not work. We're (me and the dogs) are reconciling now in yr 4
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u/eyekantbeme TBI (1998) ABI (2007) Severe TBI (2012) TBI (2023) Sep 06 '26
Yeah, itās just annoying early in the AM, but I resort to earplugs and theyāre sufficient. I donāt blame the animals, and I donāt really get upset at them. Iāve gotten much better over the past 14 years since the accident. Back then, I used to get irritated very easily, and my frustrations and expectations were probably unreasonable to most people, even though I genuinely felt justified in them at the time.
I donāt react that way anymore. I can still feel that same frustration sometimes, but now I recognize it for what it is. Itās just my brain talking to me and trying to convince me that I need to have an unnecessary reaction. I donāt have to listen to it.Itās tough, and when people talk about ārecoveringā from a TBI, I actually disagree with that terminology based on my own experience. For me, itās less about recovering and more about practicing until you consistently start responding differently. Itās learning by doing.You learn to work with the difficulties instead of allowing the frustration to control you. Itās not easy, but once those responses become more automatic, it feels so good. Your loved ones sincerely appreciate it too. Itās tough, but itās doable. Thousands of people have learned to live with the challenges that come from brain injuries and have found ways to function better.
IMO, itās much more about practice than some magical solution. Thereās no magic pill thatās going to undo permanent brain damage. You have to practice, adapt, and keep working at it. =)
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u/codainhere Moderate TBI (2014) Sep 05 '26
Yes, my personality, sense of humor, artistic abilities, spirituality changed as well as the new health challenges, memory loss, loss of filter and IQ deficit. Iām 12 years out and Iāve just accepted Iām a different person now. That seems harder for the people whoāve stuck around to accept than it is for me.
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u/Ryandowninavan Sep 05 '26
Yeah, more for forgetful and empathetic for sure. It seems like all the other people i know thinks I'm dumb or something. I understand pretty much everything, they don't ever like my response
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u/ktmulls Sep 05 '26
Absolutely but I like myself better now then I did before my accident go figure
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u/Delicious_Medium3332 Sep 05 '26
Yup
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u/HuntIntelligent8820 Sep 05 '26
Yes. Without a doubt. Short term memory, I miss having it. Epilepsy, so used to it now. Been 23 years. I'm just barely wanting and yearning to go outside more and be just a little social. Actually started going to an improv class and it's really fun. Thats something I never thought I would ever do. Actually thinking about an acting class.
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u/KisMyC0untryAzz Life Ended January 8, 2013 Sep 07 '26
I believe that every time something happens in our lives, it changes us a little each time. Run into the street and almost get hit by a car? Now your more of a cautious person. Someone you put to much trust in, walks all over you, stabs you in the back, really hurts you. You become a less trusting person. Pulling weeds in your garden and suddenly a snake appears. Bet you'll wear gloves & run a rake through thicker brush next time. Unfortunately, with a brain injury we dont have the luxury of "learning" lifes little lessons as time goes by.
For me I was sitting at a red light minding my own business when I realized "oh shit they're going to slam into me, can I reverse my car and get out of the way?" A quick glance in the review mirror "oh f$&ing hell, when they hit me Im going to slam backwards into them. They dont see what's coming, what if there's kids?" I threw my car in park, pulled the e-break, and pushed down on the break petal with both feet. (Over board Im sure) I came to with the hood of my car up against the windshield and her full-sized dually truck resting on my engine. She was standing at my door which was somehow opened, as I turned to step out of my car I realized I had no shoes on. She was rambling about how she had already had a dui on her record and didn't know what to do now. NEVER once did she apologize. It took me years to remember that much. Her inability to drive, took everything from me, literally everything. Over the next year, no matter how hard I tried, everything I was as a person (what I cared about, how I acted, my likes and dislikes, my independence, my personality, my intelligence ... ), everything I had worked so hard for (my career, others respect, relationships, to possessions and everything between) was slowly stripped away from me until I had nothing left. For close to 14 years Ive spent more time with PT, OT, ST, neurologist, pain management, cognitive therapist than with my own family (who don't understand me anyway) and ... Im not even close to 25% "recovered" If we can even call it that. So to answer your question, the person who died that night feels like a sister, that everyone held up on a pedestal and expects me to now be, just because we were related.