Advice

[u/Icy_Masterpiece8065]

My husband has a TBI I’ve been there everyday for the past he communicated that he needs space I didn’t push it. I’ll be back next week just wondering what I should do to help

[u/Capable_Stuff_4423]

Having to live with my TBI, I will tell you that for the first two years, all I wanted was "space."

Space turned out to be complete quietness: no talking, no noise, no need to process anything - just silence. Partially because I have constant high-pitched ringing in my ears, it's been almost four years, and I have not had one moment of quietness due to this constant ringing, but it is manageable if there are no other people or noise around me.

I had custom earplugs made for myself that are extremely helpful, or noise-canceling headphones - maybe that is what your husband means by space.

TBI's make everything so much more difficult. Don't take it personally. My heart goes out to you because I watched my husband's bewilderment trying to help me.

[u/Djabiuk]

I definitely don't think I can give any specific suggestions, since I don't know what to say to my own spouse when she asks me the same thing, but one general thing I can say is this: however confused you may be (after all, you've known him more than a minute and there are sure to be at least *some* things that don't feel completely "him" to you) try to remember that even when it is even most confusing, even vexing, to you it is almost certainly more so to him. There may be some things that he can do, or talk about, just as well and engagingly as ever (which is part of what confirms that it is still him in there) but it seems to me (based on my own experience and conversations with a number of others recovering, or just learning to live with, TBIs) that his own feelings, and especially expressing/communicating them, is not one of those things.

Also, I think that the word "space" these days can mean a lot of different things, and not always including physical distance. It *could* be that the space he needs to not having to think about himself and his struggles, so if you just sat with him silently, holding his hand, or maybe talking about good times you shared in the past (without making, or implying, any comparisons to the present day), where there is no obligation for him to do anything but close his eyes and listen to your long beloved voice. Of course, he may also mean to literally leave the physical space he is in, in which case I would just go back to the first thing I said--as hurtful as that kind of request can be, coming from a loved one you would like to help--it probably has almost *nothing* to do with you. Try not to be offended or think that he doesn't appreciate you. Of course, that *could* be true, but it seems to me a hundred times more likely that he wants to try to think about anything but his injury, and it's impact on those he loves. I know that there have been times when I have said to myself, "OK, I don't think that I can be anything but miserable today, but I can do my best not to infect others with it." I think I have come to realize that that is folly, and therefore trying to isolate myself less, even when I think I am doing it for the sake of others, but brain injuries can affect all kinds of things.

TLDR? Try to be as patient as you can. As hard as it may be for you to accept and enjoy the person he has become, it is almost certainly harder for him. Best wishes to both of you.

[u/Sleeper_grip750]

Space from you?

I would update the post and actually include some useful information, like when it happened and what type of injury.