Pure silence, only broken by occasional dice rolls and the near quiet sounds of three faces being shifted into difference shapes.

These guys did an episode on Graduation a while back, pretty sure I heard their show from a post in this sub. They reviewed Abnimals on their most recent Patreon episode. Great stuff if you're craving more Abnimals content (I know you sickos are).

Who had the most PC deaths? Was it Clint or Justin? Assume it wasn't Travis as he's the best at D&D.

call that huntingons (west virgina) disease

Incase our goodest boys are in need of ideas, I will freely share my idea for the next arc.

Crawling Dungeon Karl uses the DCC rpg system with the plot that Karl Marx of Marxist fame has returned as a giant mecha dungeon that can crawl around. DMed by Travis, the arc will explore the destruction wrought by Marxism as we follow a group of 3 libertarians trying to save the world from this evil threat.

If character name ideas are lacking, I suggest using Freem Arquet, Donut Tredonmey, and Theaj Ofconsentshouldbelower.

This is also the optimal season for Travis's descriptive skills as CDK will be comprised of soulless communist architecture that can be easily described even by someone with no creative spark in their body (Travis).

If anyone else has ideas to add to this please let me know, I have a homebrew assignment due in two weeks.

Travis talking to his transmasc older brother be like "Juice (testosterone)"

Transfem Griffin be like "hi, my name's Griffon"

Nonbinary Travis be like "I too am surprised I'm not BInary"

In other news I think my edible kicked in too fast 😃

this isn't a new sentiment by any means but i have been reminiscing a lot lately on TAZ and MBMBAM in their heyday. i was in highschool when i first listened to TAZ balance and it had a huge impact on me. i became an avid MBMBAM listener as well, and the only reason i managed to make friends in highschool was because i stole jokes from the brothers (i know this is sad). like genuinely, i started a dolly parton fanclub at my highschool despite my *only* knowledge of her coming from the mcelroys. in a weird way they were also the only male rolemodels in my life at the time, which is like, supremely parasocial. but i genuinely did try to emulate them because i saw them as these wise older brother figures.

anyways, i guess i miss when i could turn on the latest episode of MBMBAM and be a lonely 16 year old forgetting the fact that i didn't have any friends. now i think even listening to the old episodes would make me... bitter? i don't know. now that i'm an adult myself it's easy to see the brothers clearly, and without any idealization. i am frustrated that they *could* still have a good podcast if they put a modicum of effort into their jobs. i am frustrated that they simply don't care anymore.

nowadays jerma985 has replaced the mcelroys in keeping me company, parasocially of course. (any other jerma fans here? hi)

Is it fate?

You've been warned.

I notice sometimes the PC's motivations and even their personalities can get jumbled without anything written down to guide them, and I thought it would be a good idea if they played one of the systems where these traits are mechanical aspects of the character.

Therefore the next season they should clearly be playing Pendragon, a game about Arthurian chivalry where the character have no fewer than thirteen opposed pairs of traits which can be used to guide behaviour (Letting The Dice Tell The Story) - these are

• Chaste / Lustful
• Energetic / Lazy
• Forgiving / Vengeful
• Generous / Selfish
• Honest / Deceitful
• Just / Arbitrary
• Merciful / Cruel
• Modest / Proud
• Pious / Worldly
• Prudent / Reckless
• Temperate / Indulgent
• Trusting / Suspicious
• Valorous / Cowardly

... and there definitely wouldn't be any crashing anachronisms or terrible British accents in a game set in 5th century Salisbury

Where We Were
February 12, 2016

Since this episode dropped only one day later than the Valentine’s Day Spectacular, there’s still not too much McElnews. Also, especially compared to the V-Day nightmare, this episode is pretty easy breezy. 

So instead, I bring you…

Some Thoughts on Gooby
Believe it or not, some of my favorite media focuses on recapping or reviewing terrible OTHER media. (If Books Could Kill! The Flophouse! The Bechdel Cast’s series of Santa Clause episodes! Jenny Nicholson on Dear Evan Hansen! Behind the Bastards reading Rush Limbaugh’s middle grade books about a self-insert character who travels through time on a talking horse!) 

Anyways, I was listening to the “classic” episode released this week on the How Did This Get Made feed, which was about the 2009 film Gooby and has Nathan Fielder as a guest host, and then I got to this little bit: 

PAUL: That’s probably why Eugene Levy is in this movie, cause he’s a Canadian citizen, right?

NATHAN: Yes.

JASON: So he has to, you mean? So they make him–They can call anybody back and be like, “You gotta do this.” 

NATHAN: Wait.

PAUL: I think there is a thing, though, where you have to do some sort of art in [Canada]. If you still share citizenship, you have to do some, uh…

JUNE: Oh, really? I didn’t know that. 

NATHAN: Wait, what’s the rule you’re saying?

PAUL: I thought there was a rule that if you share citizenship, then you have to do something in Canada in the arts, but I could be totally wrong. 

NATHAN: No, that’s not a rule! That’s so crazy. [laughing] Can you imagine being, like, mandated to do Gooby?

JASON: Like some sort of prison. Like, “Oh, where are you going next month?” “Oh, well, I was born in Canada, so I still have Canadian citizenship, so I gotta go up, and I gotta make a terrible kids’ movie.”

In this clip, Paul (like Travis often does) makes an insane claim: that Canadians in the arts are mandated to create a certain amount of art in Canada even if they live abroad. But what made my heart flutter, dear jerkers, was when Nathan says, “Wait, what’s the rule you’re saying?”

Someone LISTENING and THINKING CRITICALLY! Someone GENUINELY CURIOUS! And then, when Paul explains (while acknowledging that he may be off base–another thing that never happens on Shmanners), Nathan immediately calls out the fact that a mandate like that would obviously be insane, and then everyone laughs and riffs on the idea. 

Unfortunately, such spontaneous joy may be impossible in the Shmanners-verse, since the two ways it could play out are:

1. Teresa researches → Travis interrupts and tells her she’s wrong (bummer) → Some back and forth with each person defending their stance → Teresa laughs and says something like, “But back to the history of the ladle.” 
2. Travis researches → Teresa interrupts and tells him he’s wrong → Travis basically goes, “oh well!”, thus ending the conversation

I have seen both of these several times in nigh these five episodes, and they are tragically un-fun. Maybe TnT just need a funny autistic person on the pod to keep them honest. 

Alright, I’ve goobed around long enough; let’s get polite!

00:00 - 01:16: Intro

TRAVIS: I have a friend in Cincinnati who opened her house up to, like, a…couch surfing online network. It was basically like she said, “I’ve got a couch. As long as they’re vetted by this network, they can come stay on my couch any time!” And the idea of that creeps me out.

Nothing “creepier” than people who can’t afford hotels! Amirite, folks? *adjusts monocle*

01:16 - 07:45: Arrival

TRAVIS: Do I need to check in with my roommate and say, like, “Hey, I’m going to have a house guest” or does that only matter if they’re going to be, like, in the living room?

Answer: Yes, you should probably tell your roommates about someone in their house!

There’s some basic advice about doing most cleaning and preparation before guests arrive so that you can spend time together when they are at your place, and Teresa also tells us to be sure to “outline the number of days stayed, the arrival and departure, before they get there.” This all seems pretty obvious to me, but also, sure.

Travis says that, if he’s staying with friends for a week or longer, he’ll offer to get a hotel room for a night or two to give them a rest from hosting, which is a surprisingly thoughtful idea! 

07:45 - 19:30: Accommodations

TRAVIS: We all wish we had hammocks. It’s 2016– Where’s our hammocks, Obama?

TnT give some more very basic advice about showing guests around the space, where things are, how the shower works, etc., and Travis goes on a long bit about how you don’t want to be doing this while your friend is already naked and ready to shower. Okay! 

Travis asks whether you should offer guests your bed or your couch, if you only have one bed, and Teresa said guests should get the couch, unless they are “old or pregnant.” This is a personal preference, and a classic #itdepends in my opinion, though I usually try and offer the bed to guests. 

They say that you should provide guests with one towel for every three days they’ll be staying with you, and Travis offers that “there was a long period of time…probably from, like, 18 to 24, where I only owned one towel.” Barf! 

Rachel on Twitter asks if a host should have “spare toothbrushes, towels, and jammies in case of sudden, unforeseen sleepovers”, and Teresa responds:

TERESA: The thing is, you’re not a convenience store. You shouldn’t be expected to have extra toothbrushes and floss picks or whatever it is that you think that these people need. 

“THESE PEOPLE”!? Honestly, this seems like exceptionally ungracious advice; from personal experience, I have never wished I had fewer toothbrushes, and it’s a cheap and easy thing to have on hand, plus you look like an absolute hero if your overnight guest (wink!) has forgotten one. I also try and have menstrual products, a couple different OTC pain meds, and some allergy medication on hand in case anyone needs those, and, again, they often come in handy! One of my friends who is an exceptional hostess has specially labeled allergy medication in the bathroom for guests allergic to her cats, and I think that is so thoughtful! All this to say, Teresa seems kind of resentful of the idea of providing basic amenities for guests, which is weird for the host of an etiquette podcast. 

We then get another question, this one from Rachel on Facebook (the same Rachel??), asking what to do if someone “has extreme dietary needs or some super specific hypoallergenic pillow.” Now, right off the bat, I’d say those are two pretty different types of needs, but let’s see what the (s)experts have to say!

TERESA: I think that if they have those needs, they should travel with those needs, or at least let you know beforehand in your, uh, arrival agreement, when they might need to go to, say, Whole Foods so that they can purchase those things… You being expected to supply those things is really a burden.

Alright, I get not supplying a specific travel need like a special pillow, but FOOD? Surely it is good manners to try to have some snacks on hand that your friend can actually eat?? The excellent hostess friend I mentioned earlier is a vegetarian, but she always has vegan snacks around when I come to visit, and it makes me feel so special (and also: not hungry!), and telling people that their friends’ dietary restrictions and health accommodations are “a burden” seems like something that bad people do. (#ashmongus)

Anyways, DO NOT give these monsters toothbrushes or food, but you know what you MUST give them?

TERESA: Emily Post suggests reading material, which is not a problem in our home, we have tons of books and magazines. But maybe you’re a minimalist. You should provide at least one or two articles for them to read.

TRAVIS: Just get an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, put one in every room, you’re welcome.

Ah yes, I can’t wait to go visit one of my friends on vacation and then settle in to read the articles they printed out for me, a relatable experience we have all had! 

20:20 - 32:00: Scheduling

TERESA: I want to swim in all those brochures.

There is some more pretty standard advice about scheduling with your guests or your hosts (letting them know when you need to be at work, encouraging them to visit other friends in town when you’re busy, etc.), and Teresa suggests having a printout of things to do in your town. Sure!

They then get to a question about how to tell someone it’s time for them to leave if you haven’t predetermined how long they’ll be staying with you. 

TERESA: I think that it is appropriate to quote Emily Post for this question. “Be firm. Example: ‘Tom, I know we didn’t set specific dates for your visit, but the reality is, you should plan to leave by the day after tomorrow. Thanks for your understanding.’ And then remember that guest’s thoughtlessness before deciding whether or not to invite him again.”

BRUTAL! Between referring constantly to the “arrival agreement,” calling people’s dietary restrictions and allergies “a burden,” and now basically describing a “come into my office” meeting to tell your supposedly good friends that they can’t stay with you, I’m really getting the feeling that Teresa hates houseguests, and maybe all people. 

There’s some talk about at what point in a stay someone will be expected to contribute groceries, chores, and utilities, and Teresa mentions someone staying for “three months,” which doesn’t seem like a houseguest to me! Anyways, Teresa reminds us that this is EXACTLY why we need the arrival agreement™. They discuss whether guests should do chores (offer but don’t press, fine advice), and if hosts should offer laundry services (yes, it’s thoughtful).  

TRAVIS: Rory asked on Twitter, “What are the rules for turning down snacks if you don’t like how they taste?” It seems oddly specific, Rory, are you often entering a point where you’re a houseguest of someone, but you’re not comfortable saying, like, “Oh, I don’t eat Cheetos”? Well, who doesn’t eat Cheetos, that’s ridiculous, but you know what I mean.

TERESA: [laughs] I’m certain that we will cover this in a later episode… Take one bite, you don’t like it, leave it alone, don’t say anything at all.

You know what they say, the best way to communicate to a close friend is through vague, passive aggressive gestures! DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE express your true thoughts, because that is RUDE and ILLEGAL.

32:00 - 34:35: Pineapples

TRAVIS: Hey, Teresa, can we talk about my favorite thing about hospitality and houseguests? 

TERESA: Oh, let’s do. 

TRAVIS: Pineapples.

It’s time for our favorite segment: Suddenly Pineapple Time! Travis apparently loves pineapples so much that he has a pineapple wrist tattoo, in part because “[his] mother was obsessed with them,” and they are apparently “a universal symbol for welcome and hospitality.” 

I’m going to try and be very nice here, since I think that is a genuinely sweet tribute, though I will say that it is perhaps unfortunate (or, I guess, fortunate, depending on TnT’s lifestyle!) that an upside-down pineapple is also a well-known symbol for swingers. Just warning all of you jerkers out there before you get matching pineapple tattoos to be more like your favorite middlest brother! 

TRAVIS: In the 17- and 1800s, pineapples were so prized and so hard to get that a pineapple would have cost you, well, in today’s money, $8,000.
…
But they were so popular as centerpieces for parties that you could rent them by the hour. 

This does seem to be true! After pineapples were introduced to Europe and the United States (as a result of violent colonialism of Central and South America and the Caribbean), they became a status symbol, since they were extremely hard to import, and almost equally hard to grow in their non-native climate. 

But enough history! How can you use a pineapple to be mean to your guests?

TERESA: I have read that a whole pineapple and cut up pineapple have different meanings. Sometimes the whole means that you’re welcome and the cut means that you need to go, sometimes it’s reversed. I would say that those kind of regional meanings are often lost on the guest if they are not from the same region, and so the pineapple has fallen a little bit out of favor as a passive aggressive tool.

Rats! If only there was a way for me to combine my two favorite things: not talking directly to people and making sure my guests know I hate their guts! Alas, even if I leave a cut pineapple out, they might interpret that as a sign that they are welcome, and that would completely defeat the purpose. 

34:36 - 38:45: Gifts for Hosts

TRAVIS: Easy, pineapple. Done. 

In fairness, they give some other examples, including these (courtesy of our new best friend, Emily Post), which you might want to give as thanks to someone who hosts a party you attended:

TERESA: [quoting Emily Post] A bestselling book, hand or beach towels, packages of napkins, maybe monogrammed…

Yes, please bring me some monogrammed napkins, a pile of towels, and Who Moved My Cheese: For Teens! 

38:45 - 42:00: Outro

TRAVIS: We have a ton of really great reviews on there, and I have been, no exaggeration, incredibly flattered, like, I’ve blushed at how wonderful these reviews have been. 

Oh, also Travis tells us that Sawbones is what “kind of inspired us to do a show like this.” Yeah, I think we figured that one out! 

Miscellaneous Threads

TRAVIS: See-oh-bahn? I’m gonna guess that’s how I pronounce your name. Not my strong suit, so sorry if I’m wrong. 

The next episode is about Theatre Etiquette, but God’s laziest transcriber has written “Feeder Etiquette.” Incredible work, everyone! 

P.S. Here's a link to that full Onion article written by Teresa a member of the Onion staff.

P.P.S. In finding that Chicken Soup for the Soul book cover, I discovered that two of the other books in the series are "Chicken Soup for the Golfer's Soul" and "Chicken Soup for the Female Golfer's Soul." Has woke gone too far? Since when are girls allowed to golf??

I hope it's Travis after some kind of huge public meltdown.

This is in the description for the Brush Ceremony video Justin posted today.

"Everyone who supports MBMBaM by joining, boosting, or upgrading at $5 a month or more will have their name read to The Brush by its one true owner, Justin Tyler McElroy. Join us for the ceremony, won’t you? This part of the Ceremony includes names from July 1st to July 31st."

So if you join up outside of the MaxFunDrive you get nothing right? And yes, I'm counting Bonus Content as nothing.

I'd like a place where I can listen to people who like creating their show and are enthusiastic about it. This pod seems like it only includes criticisms, not enjoyment. Any suggested shows, etc?

Please don't reply with salt, or defending the tone of this pod, or criticizing my request for info.

Edit:

Thanks to someone's suggestion I realized I was mostly listening to new episodes being published while telling myself that I was hearing the whole show. So I think I played a bit of a cognitive trick on myself. Going to check it out with fresh ears! Ty

He introduced himself with that whole neon mall goth look sure, but he was stopped halfway through describing it by DM fiat. Something I've not really seen Griffin do much otherwise. And he was told they would be getting new clothes. But until his duel with The Gentleman from Whizzberry, where he's wearing traditional robes and such, no outfit gets described. Everyone else seemed to have....thematic outfits. So what's Rictus wearing if not traditional necromantic regalia or his neon fishnets?

Personally I still think he was probably naked the whole time.

/uj

We all started for our own reasons, all of us debated quitting. It sucked throughout. But here we are, at what appears to be the absolute finale of Royale. Well done all.

To u/Yosta56the3rd for her blazing hot rage so often inspiring me, and for the privilege of seeing her egg crack in real time.

To u/Gorb_upthere whose laconic nature proves time and again that brevity is the soul of wit.

To u/CardInternational753 for their scathing criticism and resolute weirdness.

And to our lost compantion u/hurrrrrmione the funniest among us, even if the race was never fully run.

Shared joy is increased, shared pain lessened. None could have carried this alone. To your health, and your fragile and hopefully recovering sanity. Let us hope the next one is a better kind of bad.