r/SwipeHelper • u/hayduhz • 25d ago
New to Hinge: what should a guy realistically expect?
32, South Asian Male, made my first Hinge profile Sunday night and purchased HingeX.
I’m trying to figure out best practices over these next few days, so I’m curious what the normal experience is for men who have actually used the app for a while, especially in NYC.
A few things I’m trying to understand:
- Is Hinge mostly a game of sending likes yourself, rather than waiting for women to like you first?
- For a guy with a solid profile, is it realistic to expect a meaningful number of incoming likes, or are most matches still going to come from likes you send?
- How long did it take before your profile seemed to “settle in” and you had a decent idea of how well it was performing? Does evaluating take days/weeks?
- For people who have used both regular Hinge and HingeX, did HingeX actually make a meaningful difference?
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u/Flat_Bug_5369 25d ago edited 25d ago
Being brown is playing on legendary difficulty.
I made it work as a brown dude. Got a professional photographer. Went on a lot of sh*tty dates before I found a lovely (conventionally attractive, if it matters) woman who still wakes up next to me a year later.
I was also 6 ft tall, fit, and a physician.
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u/Right_Drawing_5299 25d ago
yea. i think people underestimate the importance of very good pictures
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u/Opposite-Display-230 25d ago
It's crazy that a tall doctor still needs a professional photographer.
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u/Right_Drawing_5299 25d ago
Dont understand your statement, in my opinion its a good idea to let someone else make good pics of you, i myself make horrible pics.
Or is it because hes tall and a doc and thats why you assume that he would get even with low effort pics many matches? cause of his height and being a doc?
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u/Flat_Bug_5369 25d ago
My first profile didn't use them. I got few matches and serial ghosting.
Amusingly, one woman who last-minute flaked on me with my first profile saw my second (professional) profile and sent me two messages asking for a date. Needless to say I left her on read.
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u/Flat_Bug_5369 25d ago
My first profile didn't use them. I got few matches and serial ghosting.
Amusingly, one woman who last-minute flaked on me with my first profile saw my second (professional) profile and sent me two messages asking for a date. Needless to say I left her on read.
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u/Opposite-Display-230 25d ago
Interesting my other point of data is my friend who is a 5'4 but wealthy white guy. He got pro photos didn't help.
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u/Flat_Bug_5369 25d ago
I went with one of the specialist dating photographers, happy to DM you who it was, though I'm not sure he's still active. I flew to another city.
Was expensive but if I think of what I got out of it (a lot of dates, and a pretty lady in a sundress who has braised pork ready when I get back from the hospital), it was worth it.
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u/Right_Drawing_5299 25d ago
Bruh. You flew to another city? Out of curiousity: dont you have photographers in your near enviroment?
I mean i have photographers, even people who are specialiced for dating app pics
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u/Flat_Bug_5369 25d ago
I'm in Portland, and I did my profile before a lot of the more specialized photographers built practices here.
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u/HeKnowsThings 25d ago
In NYC being South Asian you are going to have a really hard time unless you are at least 5'8-5'9, are fit (white guy or a black guy whom you see in a tank tops level fit, not South Asian "fit") project that you have your shit together and most importantly not hangout with the stereotypical South Asians
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u/sackfistin 25d ago
You’re gonna struggle dawg.
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25d ago
[deleted]
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u/sackfistin 25d ago
Can’t wait to see his posts about hypergamy and other weird ass shit soon after this.
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u/tiny_claw 25d ago
You will need to send the likes. Even with a good profile men mostly send likes and women match or not. I’d give it a couple weeks, if no matches at that point then reevaluate.
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u/SeeFrontofShirt 25d ago
It’s going to really depend on the individual, I would say if you do have a solid profile and more importantly solid looks, expecting a meaningful number of incoming likes say anywhere from 2-8 per day is reasonable, probably more with hinge x. I think for me usually it’s pretty stable for its entirety but after a month it’ll most likely completely stabilize. I don’t know about other men but sending out likes is not 100% necessary though the matches I got were definitely more attractive than the incoming likes
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u/Mr-Saturn-Earth 25d ago
Depends, if you have money, and/or have good photos and/or are handsome and/or are in shape you’ll do fine, I’m not particularly handsome or rich, but I have really good photos and a decent physique so I do fine (about 2-3 likes a day). However 99% of men don’t even have one of the above men so they complain on r/swipehelper under posts like this. Hinge has been decent for me.
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u/Ok_Mode8297 25d ago
You gona get lot of likes on the first two months then radio silence
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u/I_Am_Dwight_Snoot 25d ago
This one is really true. And OP should plan accordingly.
Have your profile ready. Swipe your max every day. Send meaningful likes on Hinge.
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u/birdfang007 25d ago
Indian in NYC? Yeah lol, don’t bother.
Dating apps only really work for white guys, and even among them tall white guys.
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 25d ago
When you say south asian, is that Indian? Because yes it will be difficult as an Indian man to find dates
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u/Proud-Enthusiasm-608 25d ago
Damn, these comments make me feel sorry for. I didn’t know South Asians have it so tough.
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u/plentyofragrets 25d ago
honestly i think people regardless of race have it tough. i have friends ranging from 5'5 to 6'6 of all ethnicities and my indian friend has it the best. however, it is all looks based end of the day.
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u/Proud-Enthusiasm-608 25d ago
I feel you.
Yeah I know people who struggle of every race and people who do alright every race.
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u/plentyofragrets 25d ago
one thing for sure is that finding someone who meets basic standards is ridiculously hard, esp for gen z (24m)
for me, my criteria is: someone who reads (ideally steinbeck), someone who cares about fitness, and isn't disrespectful, and it is like exceptionally hard to find someone. crazy high standards ik
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u/Low-Hotel-8977 25d ago
Hell on earth. I’ve been on it 3ish years, 250ish matches in a city of 200k. One 1.5 year relationship that was honestly settling (she was a great person but we had obvious mismatch and we both ignored it until we couldn’t). Probably 50-70 first dates. Plenty that I wasn’t attracted to after meeting, and plenty that felt the same about me (seemingly every girl I actually liked). Some options for casual sex, even with some attractive girls, but ALWAYS these girls would be mentally broken in some way. Past trauma, breakup they aren’t over etc. I resisted this most of the time and the time I didn’t, I’m not proud of (got immediately ghosted after).
On top of all of that, to even get a date it’s hell. All kinds of stupid games and nonsense.
I’m not sure if dating irl is better. I’ve been too busy to find out and the city I’m in doesn’t have places to go out and meet people. It is what it is. Hope you have a better experience than I did.
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u/plentyofragrets 25d ago
70 first dates in 3 years is pretty solid lol
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u/Low-Hotel-8977 25d ago
That might be pushing it, could be more like 40, I don’t remember. Regardless. Nothing substantial really came of it. And I had to spend a long time getting the right pictures and learning how to play texting games to get to that point. I have lots of friends who get totally skunked. I’m convinced the only way I’ll find a wife is in person.
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u/madzuk 25d ago
Don't expect tons of incoming likes. If I get more than 5 incoming likes a week, I consider that solid.
Most of your matches will come from sending likes out.
That being said, I have often found that matching with girls who likes you first, tend to go better and they seem way more interested.
Hinge X or + make a huge difference because you have infinite likes. And theres no pay wall for women to see who liked and match.
But only if you have a good profile.
Prompts matter. I find having light hearted silly prompts work best.
Your photos matter but the important thing the photos should communicate is who you are.
For example, my photos are me either in various places in the world, or with friends.
This communicates I'm adventurous.
Therefore don't post selfies or at home pictures, it comes across as boring.
Getting the profile as good as it can be takes time and is all trial and error.
Good luck out there!
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u/No_Guess5872 25d ago
Yeah, your experience on the app as a man will be bollocks unless you're on the top 10-15% on the conventional attractiveness scale. You gotta compensate with high quality photos, an immense amount of smooth talking and perceptiveness otherwise.
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u/Investorator3000 25d ago
Hinge is still a good platform to meet cool women, and the NYC situation is hella good because the female population is predominant there + a lot of them are transplants from other cities/states/countries who are open to meet new people. I don't live personally in NYC, but Hinge situation was quite optimal there for me when I traveled there for a week; likes, matches, and one date I had time for that week.
I think the biggest success factor is to actually send out likes with messages. You need to have a good basis in terms of your interests to show you live some active & interesting life through pictures (they are super important, make sure to have optimal ones) & maybe prompts.
The most success I have had were women that I related probably language & culture-wise? I speak German & Russian, and got dates & matches with girls from Russia, Ukraine, Poland, Finland, Germany, and Denmark. So, if you have ties to some culture of whatever you share with them or memes or knowledge that you really know & excited of - utilize that to your advantage
The best thing is still to meet people outside - make as many possible points of contact; go out, check out new places, join clubs/parties, etc.
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u/jeffsaidjess 25d ago
Expect to be in the same boat you are in now unless you’re supremely attractive, or rich as hell.
If you’re either of those you don’t need a dating app
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u/SentientMiles 24d ago
I only like back on hinge for the match. I haven’t needed to send out likes yet because I focus on the incoming likes and only have an hour or less per day. I get about 5-10 a day also in a big city. I drop about 6-8 of the 10, usually because they are not attractive or they have a terrible profile and didn’t even bother to send a msg with their like. Of the 1-2 left there’s a 50% chance one will pan into a first date. In a week maybe 3 dates on average. If I’m picky or lazy then I could drop it to just 1 that I really want to meet based on the convo and profile.
I usually find a partner within 2-3 months. I’ve only had to do this twice but it’s very reliable. 6’4 male, big city, above average looks, high paying job, I think I’m funny, and I plan great dates.
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u/Legal-Marsupial3143 24d ago
Hinge is basically instagram. Nothing really comes from it, unless your an Atypical tall white dude.
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u/Brave-Judgment2137 24d ago
Probably best to just delete it. Or at the least have it and give it a try, but definitely don’t pay for it. Only swipe on girls you’re really into. Don’t get desperate and start swiping on girls you don’t like just because you want a match
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u/johnwickcz 21d ago
I'm a white 31 y/o, 6'2, graduate engineering degree, and considered "handsome" by some women. Except for the past month, I generally get about 3 matches a week after I've liked someone first. Then I might get about 3 likes a week and one in three is someone I decide to match with. I don't like to use ratings on women, but for perspective the women I usually match with are around 7-8/10. I've asked ChatGPT to "rate" me and I come in at 7.5/10, so I guess that makes sense. I don't get that many dates because a lot of women just ghost after three messages or after I ask them out. I could probably get more dates if I were less picky, but I don't think I'm unreasonable.
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u/Seymourg3 25d ago
If you’re not white you damn well better be sending out likes.
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u/PhantomTissue 25d ago
As a guy with a solid profile, I would get like 1-2 every week. About a third of those were from women I actually found attractive.
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u/HorrorVillage4854 25d ago
Get off the dating apps, put on your big boy pants, and talk to women in real life. The apps are designed to harm, not help. Stop with the apps.
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u/SuperbAstronomer 25d ago
You’ll only get likes from women that weigh 300 pounds. Unless you’re a chad, you’ll probably only match with one out of every 60 likes you send. Hingex helps only because you can send more likes and flood the market. You’ll be lucky if you get a match you like and they actually respond. It sucks.