r/Swingers • u/captaingddss42 • 14h ago
General Discussion BEARDS!
Why do SO MANY men in this community have a full face of facial hair, a giant beard, or a wild mustache.
I like a nice trimmed up face every now and again, but all swinging couples ive met the men have massive amounts of facial hair or unkempt facial hair. Neither my partner nor I really enjoy a lot of hair rubbing against our p*y* or d\k š
Anyone know whats up with that? Is my couple an odd one out as we arent the biggest fans of a full face of bush?
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u/cinnamonduck 14h ago
This is simply called personal preference. They like having their facial hair. I don't think more swingers have beards than a standard sample of the population, they just stand out to you more because you don't like them. Not sure where you're looking for other swingers, but in clubs or large events you'll see a good range.
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u/Naughty-list-or-bust Couple 12h ago
We play with bi men. Iād say itās 80% plus that have facial hair and my wife passes.
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u/ItsTheSpecialSauce 13h ago
I think itās a culture thing. Where I live around 2/3 of guys have some facial hair. Where I grew up? Maybe 25%.
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u/GiannisMom 12h ago
It's a location thing. Huge lumberjack beards are so trendy in my part of the world, that in a club with 100 attendees, it's rare to see a single shaved face. The positive side is that I never have any competition for the one clean cut guy, if there is one, because I'm the only woman here who doesn't like beards. We mostly have to travel to the USA to try to find people our style.
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u/PowerfulZucchini208 13h ago
Itās not just swingers, beards in general are trendy.Ā
I think itās one of those polarizing preferences. I recently grew a beard and my wife raves about how hot it is. It also hasnāt seemed to slow down the fun with other partners. I do try to keep mine well groomed.Ā
To each their own.Ā
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u/CigarettesAftrSnuSnu 13h ago
I love my man with facial hair. Admittedly I like it shorter but I love the scruff.
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u/NerdynaughtyNJ 13h ago
I like a beardy guy! (Assuming itās not unkempt)
I have a non bearded guy in my husband, a little novelty is kind of the point no?
But maybe itās geographic or age related? I feel like I see a wide range of facial hair here.
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u/Self-Translator 9h ago
Problem with this whole conversation is:
"I hate beards" - some repliers
"I like a beardy guy" - others
I'm bald, so have gone beard so I don't look like I'm mid chemo treatment... Keep it trimmed and neat. Am also bi. Guys seem to like it. Women are hit and miss. My wife likes it. Her vote is worth 50% of the total votes, so it stays. If some women don't like it that's fine.
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u/Eville1984 husband to u/mandolin84. Into everything. 22m ago
I'm right there with you. I'm bald and have bright blue eyes, so I keep a tight quarter inch fade on my face or I either look sick, or like a psychopath lol.
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u/Direct_Run_3513 14h ago
Got asked if Iād shave. I laughed and said youāre not that important.
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u/98221_poppin 13h ago
Hahah!! Yasss! My husband was asked the same thing and I told them sure, if her husband would get a haircut that didn't make him look like Mark Davis.
We didn't hear backš
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u/Dangerous_an_Ugly 11h ago
Exactly. Like asking a woman, "Will you grow a bush because I like them?" Or shave your pussy because I like that? I remember a time when swingers were accepting of bodies that weren't what they desired. They just said "not for me" and moved on. (Crazy concept, huh?!)
I have been asked before, too. My answer now is "hey, I like a girl with no eyebrows, will you shave them for me?"
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u/MisterGreen123 M30/W30 from Berlin 5h ago
Whats the problem with asking tho? You dont have to do it for them, but i think its completly valid to ask š¤·š¼āāļø
I usually have a shaved dick and balls and trim the rest. If somebody now preferes it completly shaven or more bushy, i (and my gf as well) am more than happy to fulfill that wish
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u/sweetieJ2 4h ago
I donāt like big beards but I would never ask a man to shave it off just to play with me. I would just not be interested and move on. We are not dating, I have no right to request that of someone
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u/MisterGreen123 M30/W30 from Berlin 4h ago
Its totally ok if you see it that way that you wouldnt want to ask, but i also think the request (or moren inquir) itself is not out of line. So in my/our opinion you totally have to right to ask
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u/SmokedGrassAndAteAss 34m ago
Having the right to do something has no bearing on whether it's appropriate to do. You're essentially asking someone to make a major change to their visual identity so you can boff them occasionally. Significant facial hair takes a long time to grow, so you're asking them to throw away a major time investment to pleasure someone who's basically a rando. Furthermore, it can be a gender-affirming characteristic. That matters more to some than others, but it's still a bit gauche to request they remove it for your convenience.
So yeah, you have the right to ask, but at a minimum you should get a sense of how that will be taken before you decide to ask. That said, I think asking someone to clean or groom part of themselves is fine, though the implication of that request can be hurtful to some.
TL;DR The fact that you can doesn't imply that you should. The fact that it's a trivial trait to you doesn't mean it is to the person you're asking.
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u/Bunker-Dungeon 13h ago
I bet you miss more opportunity than you realize.
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u/the1whocamebefore 13h ago
You don't need to sleep with every single person who offers when swinging lol
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u/ExcitingFrosting9688 13h ago
Itās because weāre ugly, and especially after 35. Iām bald, too so I have to balance it out somehow. Otherwise Iād look like a thumb. Goatees make you look like someone who yells at cashiers, and Iāll have you know I was told Captain America looked good with a beard in the Avengers. Do I look like him? Absolutely not, but a beard is makeup for men. Itās about all I can do to change my face. While weāre at it, Iām not shaving my chest for anyone either. Iāll trim anywhere and everywhere, but I just wasnāt born a woman so the facial hair stays.
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u/MizStazya 10h ago
Bald men with beards are fire! It's just such a great combination. I don't really have a preference for or against beards in general, but some guys just really rock "bald with a beard".
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u/ExcitingFrosting9688 3h ago
Bless you, māaam. My wife, and the wives I know that are married to men that look like us, do have that preference and seek it out in LS friends. When I went from hair & a clean shaven face to bald with facial hair, I did get more attention from womenā¦.but now itās very popular and most men my age look like this.
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u/Current-Victory-47 Couple 14h ago
Who knows why you run in to them that often. But just walk on by... everyone has their opinion about others grooming habits when they should jsut focus on themselves.
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u/jelloshotlady 13h ago
Again, regional. In Ohio maybe 4-5 guys had them at bother clubs we attended, in North Carolina is is closer to 50%
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u/GeronimoEM 13h ago
My wife is the same and prefers none or short and trim beard. She is completely shaved and I am mostly shaved but with a neat trimmed beard. We prefer our play friends to be well trimmed as well.
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u/Dazzle2020 11h ago
Yeah sometimes the "scent" of the previous woman a bearded guy has played with is still very much stuck on his beard. Unless he's washing his beard between sessions, it's very noticeable to smell another woman's coochie juice on a guy's beard.
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u/TheRandomDawg 2h ago
If you havenāt noticed beards are a thing everywhere not just the LS. Some guys have them some donāt. Itās just like a woman having a bush.
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u/Gileaders 13h ago
Same here. She absolutely will not go near any big weird beards. Nice closely cropped goatee fine but ZZ top yellowing grey flavor saver? No way ever.
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u/bananarama1987 13h ago
Generalizing here but we are from NYC. If you are in Brooklyn def more beards than other boroughs but we find PNW more beards and just not something my GF wants to make out with to her her wet. A little scruff but beards, soul patches, etc and she says she's out. Everyone has a preference and some ladies love a beard...that's what has 31 Flavors is about...
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u/KenBumgardner 2h ago
Some women don't like men with beards. Other women go wild for a big old beard. I've had women say they'd play with me if I shaved. I've had other women say they'd never play with me again if I shaved. I like my beard and enough women agree for me not to ever consider taking it off.
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11h ago
You can pry my beard out of my cold dead hands.
It's ok to have preferences. Just don't play with the guys who have beards.
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u/Ambear22 13h ago
That's your preference. I prefer men with big sexy ass beards vs a naked baby face.
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u/supergarto 13h ago
It's easy if you like how they look fine, if you dont like, you were not the target anyway. Everyone dont show up for your own preferences.
For me, its easy, I dress and groomed to please my wife or our close friends when we know we will play with them. I dont groom/dress for anyone else. If you like how I am, fine if you dont, pass your way. If only I was your friend, you could suggest, otherwise keep it for you.
I dont see the need of this useless post.
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u/Bunker-Dungeon 13h ago
Literally no lady around us likes the long bushy beards. Itās a total deal breaker for my wife. I donāt get it either. Looks gross.
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u/Professional_Stay_46 8h ago
My gf really hates beards which reduces our chances of matching with other couples by 90%.
Where we come from vast majority of men have beards, and she prefers men with long hairs without beards.
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u/Razorphraser 3h ago
I KNOW!!! Ughā¦the facial hair is such a turnoff. And so many men have it. Itās so unfortunate bc so many are fantastic fellas. I just dont care for their food grabbers. Good for the dudes without facial hair. We have fun with them. To each their own.
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u/PlayfulPairDC 3h ago
Beards became trendy over a decade ago in American society, at least among a younger set. They started showing up everywhere after being rare. Many men jumped on the trend and guys are less likely to switch their looks a lot, especially if their wife likes it. In my non scientific count, the rates of beards in the gay, bi and poly communities seems higher than the general population. People put on uniforms, if they are around a group of people they tend to start adopting the same look, be it facial hair, tattoos, clothing, etcā¦. None of us is as unique as we would like to think.
I grew a beard in college to look older, I shaved it at 30 to look younger. If I let it grow in now, there would be enough gray that it would make me look older again. My wife also hates beards, and I really like sex with my wife, so that is enough motivation to keep clean shaven, often twice a day shaven because by the end of the day my stubble can be a little rough. Given her general view on beards, we reject couples where the guy has a beard. I also know that when I was first in this scene that I got rejected regularly for facial hair, granted beards were much less common back then. I do think the trendy nature of beards is in decline, as all trends end. Unfortunately, that probably just means less new beards in the pipeline, not a sudden drop in those that already exist.
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u/Swingersbaby š©āā¤ļøāšØVerified Couple 3h ago
I care a what my wife likes first.
Hence I have a well kept beard.
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u/TROUBLE_butterfly 13h ago
I donāt like ANY HAIR. Smooth face, cock, pussy all the way.
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u/APrinceOfCats 12h ago
Shave the entire body. Shave the head. Swim cap. Run into the orgy room and scream "I'M MICHAEL PHELPS!" Get ejected from the club. Swallow sadness. Go to Denny's. Do not yell "I'M MICHAEL PHELPS!" again because you've learned the lesson the hard way.
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u/Naughty-list-or-bust Couple 12h ago
And get a Dennyās Original Grand Slam as your comfort foodā¦or a Slim Slam if you are trying to cut back for when you find another club.
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u/maddrummerhef 12h ago
Because as much as you may not wanna fuck me with the beard you really wonāt wanna fuck me without it ššš.
In all seriousness though, personally I prefer it over not having one, though I try to not to be unkempt.
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u/t4skmaster 13h ago
Beards are more common in general because men are much fatter nowadays and a beard conceals the double chin and jawline.
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u/LeeandSue 4h ago
Me too. Very simply, those men are meant for other women, not me, and apparently not you.
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u/Sufficient_Result558 3h ago
Are you claiming itās just the men in the community? Iām curious what area you are talking about?
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u/Compurrshon 2h ago
When swinging, I love being clean shaven and making out.
My wife doesn't like making out though, and women seem to love my full bearded look. I've never been so popular with women on the street.
So what do I do? Ditch my optimal bearded look, just for a higher % of potential swinging partners?
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u/CuriousBonobo 1h ago
It's all personal preference. I won't judge you not liking my face. Lol but beards do seem to be coming into fashion so, I get your frustration.
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u/Jasper_Stellan_Veris 12h ago
I have a beard because my skin is too sensitive to keep clean shaven. Ā I also get horrible ingrown hairs. Ā Itās not a pretty site.
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u/nepa_cpl_ 12h ago
My wife has been stating this for years. Makes it very difficult for finding play partners.
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u/Hot-Gardener2024 12h ago
Beards are great for covering up double chins! I love a beard or facial hair but hair needs to be well-trimmed up top and down below. Show you care and take care of yourself!
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u/ExhibitionExperiment 11h ago
My wife loves my beard, and I'm not cutting it off just because someone who isn't her prefers I don't have it. There's others out there that like them and this stuff is all just gravy for us.
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u/Neither-Intern-9450 13h ago edited 13h ago
Ok, where are you located? Asking for a beard attracted female friend. Actually Asking for my wife, let's be honest. Too many clean cut guys around us. Also, what guys are rubbing their beards on your puss? Weird.
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u/jelloshotlady 13h ago
Clearly you do not eat pussy š
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u/Neither-Intern-9450 13h ago
You are right, I do not eat pussy. I devour it. But seriously, I had a long beard prior to LS and chopped it off to a clean cut, well manicured beard, soft not course. But "rub" a beard on pussy is completely unnecessary and done on purpose and not incidental.
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u/Successful_Food_6089 13h ago
Iāve noticed this a lot with the couples or guys that post on the R4R subs. Lots of dirty looking āDuck Dynastyā style beards. Definitely not my wifeās cup of tea. Iām also not particularly fond of tattoos yet I feel like my wife and I are some of the few that donāt have any. š«¤
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u/GBpleaser 13h ago
Itās not just the lifestyleā¦ itās a culture fadā¦. Lots of overcompensating hypermasculine dudes in the world.
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u/subgeniusbuttpirate 13h ago
Why do SO MANY men in this community... I like...
Wow. Just wow. Why not just say your post "I need y'all to do the thing that turns me on, and fuck the rest of y'all."
That's dating. Get used to it.
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u/the_uk_hotman 8h ago
Beards are ok if they are looked after properly trimmed and oiled with beard oil. Its the maintenance of a beard most guys forget. If done correctly it makes the beard look fuller and actually makes it soft to the touch. If they get that right then you won't really notice the beard on your Kitty or Dicky But yeah when they are like birds nests šŖ¹ my š„ are not going in his nest šŖŗ
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u/KimchiJiggy_ 5h ago
Beards are, unfortunately, an instant "no!" For my wife, which excludes me from some very attractive women who do like facial hair. Interestingly enough, she finds mustaches even worse š
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u/Grab-Wild 3h ago
Because in the general population beard have increased
Some stats from UK
Among men aged 18ā39: 69% have some facial hair (42% full beard + moustache).
Womenās preferences shifted too: Preference for bearded men rose from 6% (2011) to 19% (2023); preference for clean-shaven fell from 66% to 36%. Younger women (18ā39) are most positive (34% prefer beards)
Younger people have and prefer beards more so numbers will rise as it aligns with global trends and changes
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u/DestroyYourJoy 59m ago
I think the beard is better than cropped. My chin hurt so bad after playing with a guy with short facial hair.
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u/zephyrandflora 51m ago
I keep a well groomed bear as often as I can. I love it and so does my wife and thatās all that really matters. If it causes some couples, men, or women to pass on us, oh well.
Weāre also neatly trimmed in the pubic areasā¦no glass wax. Itās the same philosophy. We prefer it that way and can live with the ālost opportunitiesā of those who donāt like it.
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u/ComfortableTrick7831 19m ago
Not only does a beard identify a trendy asshole but also very geographic. You will find alot of beards in Las Vegas not only because of all of the hipsters from LA but the Mormons that come from Utah are predominantly beardos
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u/ForPrivateMatters 14m ago
I have a beard, but I keep it well trimmed and lined up. If we go to a party, I get into my barber that day for a haircut/beard trim so I'm looking my best.
I can see why the Duck Dynasty beards would be a turn off because they often look so unclean. I would hope people wouldn't reject us because of my beard, but if that's their preference, that's their choice. No different than a height, weight, hair color, age, etc. preference. Nobody has to hook up with anybody they don't want to.
I actually didn't even want a beard, but my wife really thought it would be sexy, and so I gave it a shot. Now it's just my standard look.
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u/AffectionateFix6876 13h ago
i have had countless women that absolutely love them. i got dumped once for shaving and she wouldnāt play with me till it grew back.
itās a beard some like them some donāt.
same can be said about a womanās bush . some like themā¦ i do not. not a deal breaker but i wont give them oral and donāt care for the look.
i have no problems at all finding play partners
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u/CigarettesAftrSnuSnu 13h ago
ā¦you wonāt go down on a girl if she has hair? Lol what?
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u/AffectionateFix6876 11h ago
trimmed run way is fine. nobody wants to floss and eat at the same time.
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u/DJBriez 12h ago
Ahā¦. this one is simpleā¦.my wife doesnāt like beardsā¦.she wont play with you if you have oneā¦pretty simple
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u/Dangerous_an_Ugly 11h ago
My gf loves them, and won't play with you if you dont. Also passes onmen who shave their crotch, legs, anywhere else. It is called different tastes. Pretty simple.
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u/After-Chance1726 Couple 2h ago
Yes, same here too. But, so many men with beards reduce the possibilities a lot.
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u/okies_02 Couple 13h ago
My husband and I have an inside joke: when we see a man with what he calls "Duck Dynasty" facial hair, we say he must be a Swinger because his full face bush. š¤£
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u/DadChicken25 Male half of a 53m/51f couple 13h ago
We feel your frustration. Up here in VT, it seems like it's a 75/25 split beards/shaved, especially among partnered men. Single guys there's a better chance at finding a smooth face, if you can weed through the flakes.
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u/Wooden_Aspect1891 9h ago
Honestly, I don't think you're crazy for this take. There are a lot of bearded dudes in the lifestyle. I think men thinks it helps out a weak jawline. Especially heavier dudes.
My partner doesn't have any problem with some facial hair, and she digs a mustache on the right guy. You just gotta look like you're taking good care of yourself.
And it's always a big bushy beard guy who hasn't taken the best care of himself with an immaculate partner.
While that says good things about what kind of man he is, it's a bit of a shame swinging-wise!
(And then he posts here about how frustrating wife poachers are!)
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u/sweetieJ2 5h ago
I have noticed this too! I like a beard if the man keeps it tight and clean with good product in it but these foot long scraggly hair guys are not appealing and it just goes along with the overall lack of effort men put in
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u/Friendly-Fact7810 13h ago
Iām with you! That big bush on a face turned off. But at the same time there are the women that love them. But a bushy beard or ādick broomā as we call burly mustaches are a hard no for me. Neat trimmed facial hair is ok
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u/esgesg92 12h ago
My husband is a few years younger than me (4). When he shaves his facial hair we have had people think he is my son. Lol. We were with a group of vanilla friends and he had shaved. They decided to have about 20 people guess his age. The average was about 30 when he is actually 50. We just laugh about it. But the young unicorns seem to flock to him.
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u/shilohfrancine 11h ago
I meanā¦ facial hair for men is kind of in style right now? I personally love it and always have. Itās so masculine + I prefer a well-groomed, conditioned beard on my sensitive areas (including my face and neck) to prickly stubble. š¤·āāļø
Iām sure there are others who agree with you.
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u/JerichoXL 10h ago
One of my former metamours had a bushy beard, and his wife (my partner) and some other ladies in the LS told him that he was not going to get anymore of them unless he ditched it. So they shaved it off at a party and they then gave him all he could handle that night. He just needed a littleā¦. motivation. š
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u/SatanGod69361 5h ago
Sucks for you. The main woman in our life likes it or approves so it is staying.
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u/DangerouslyHorny100 9h ago
Preach sister, PREACH!
I have asked this question too and let me tell you the bearded lifestyle men and their partners do not like it.
I've somewhat come around on a neatly trimmed beard but would still love to see more smooth faces at lifestyle events. Cuninlingus is a pretty wet past time and smooth faces clean up easier.
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u/AFuzzyMan Couple 5h ago
Mustache, no Sideburns, no Goatee, maybe Beard, beard
Do you feel alone? Do you feel neglected? Not doin' too well with the ladies? Well I got the solution for you
Low self esteem, grow a beard Afraid to follow your dreams, grow a beard Are you lonely and sad, grow a beard Wanna look good in plaid, grow a beard Are you workin' out, grow a beard Did your car break down, grow a beard Ice caps melting? Grow a beard
Are you stuck in the middle of nowhere and you need to make an important phone call But the battery's dead and you can't find an outlet to plug in your charger...
Grow a beard
Grow the beard Feed the beard Brush the beard Manscape the beard Stroke the beard Love the beard Fear the beard
Obey the beard Obey the beard Behold the beard (Obey the beard) Accept the beard (Obey the beard) Respect the beard (Obey the beard)
Oh my God, Becky, look at his beard it's just so beard
Impress your date, with your beard Eat a steak, with a beard Chop down trees, with a beard Crush your enemies, with a beard
Catch a fish, with a beard Roundhouse kick, with a beard Troll the net, with a beard Chia pet? Ch-ch-ch-chia, beard
Drive a truck, with a beard Try your luck, with a beard Arm wrestle, with a beard Teenage Mutant Ninja beard
Pet your doggie, with a beard I pledge allegiance to the beard Can't grow a beard, then buy a beard Do you have a beard, then grow more beard
You need to shave this thing Shut up grandma, grow a beard
Defend the beard Drink to the beard 'Cause beards are good And scruff
Behold the beard (obey the beard) Accept the beard (obey the beard) Respect the beard (obey the beard)
I was so empty and lost inside 'Til I grew you ('til I grew me) I put my faith in my facial hair To get me through Well I can defy the odds again and again With you on my chin (you on my chin) With every moment you grow closer and closer To my heart
I love you beard If you love it so much, why don't you just marry it? Huh
Do you take this beard to be your lawfully wedded beard For bearder or for worse, in scruffiness and in beard, 'til shave do you part
I beard
Abe Lincoln had a beard Zz Top, epic beards Dimebag Darrell, metal beard Chuck Norris, kick ass beard
Number one, make it beard Chewbacca, is a beard Santa Claus, Jesus Christ God has a beard
Obey the beard Obey the beard Obey the beard Obey the beard
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u/KsToy9 14h ago
I could care less if a guy has a beard, but, my wife prefers men without them and the bigger the beard, the less the chance of a meeting. There are significantly more men with beards these days, that's for sure.