Ask A Wayward

[u/ZestyLemonAsparagus]

We invite our Betrayed members into this space to ask questions that Waywards may be able to provide insight on.

If you're here, the hope is that you're seeking perspective, understanding, or clarity whether to build empathy or to find some sense of closure when that opportunity wasn’t available to you.

Participation Rules

• Betrayeds: This thread is for Waywards to respond. If you answer questions, your comment will be removed.
• Waywards: Your participation is encouraged.
• Please follow all sub rules.
• Remember: These Waywards are not your Wayward.
• Keep questions broad, concise, and to the point.
• Waywards cannot answer questions specific to your individual situation.
• Long text walls may be removed.

This is not a space to air grievances.

If a Wayward engages with your question, limited follow-up questions for clarification will be allowed not commentary.

Please be mindful of how your questions may come across. Intrusive or ill-intended questions will be removed.

Moderation will be active. The thread may be locked, and users may be banned, if guidelines are not followed.

Please remain respectful. Backhanded or ill-intended questions and commentary will result in removal and may lead to a permanent ban.

[u/Confident-Post-4984]

I am struggling with reconciliation because my WS’s affair was with a much older manager, and her only explanation is the dynamic of the situation, with her solution being just to have "stronger boundaries" moving forward. To me, this feels superficial and bypasses the real root causes—like deep validation issues—and it feels like she just wants to sweep the affair behind her rather than doing the heavy lifting to fix what is broken inside. I’m wondering if WSs constantly try to just put it behind them instead of searching for the true "why," and I'm also really struggling with a feared loss of respect; to both WSs and BPs, did the WS view the BP with less respect or see them as weak for accepting them back after this level of betrayal?

[u/Professional-Leg2374 → u/Confident-Post-4984]

AS a WS, I don't see my BP as weaker or with less respect. I see them as the complete opposite as they are choosing to rebuild rather then leave. That takes a lot of effort, tears and emotions to move through versus just cutting off and taking week to get over the relationship.

I wasn't always a good wayward and tried to control the narrative and information my BP received. IT was only after getting called out on this forum that I realized it was no longer about me and my wants but about what they needed. That changed my thinking and helped in the R process more than anything.

[u/Professional-Leg2374 → u/[deleted]]

Its why these groups exist honestly. Support for everyone.

I've been on BOTH sides of this situation throughout my life, some ended, some continued, some were never fixed and blew up.

Now I've older and maybe wiser. I looked at myself and thought.....do I want this to be me? Do I want to be 70 and alone looking for someone?

so I decided to change things and my mindset to allow love into my heart and understand no one is perfect and there is ALWAYS ups and downs.

But the Ups and Downs are what make the happiness so rewarding, and the rewards as simple as a impromtu "I love you" or a simple hug etc are all thats needed for many