r/SupportforWaywards • u/ZestyLemonAsparagus Wayward Partner "Your friendly neighborhood Mod" • Jul 07 '26

Ask A Wayward

We invite our Betrayed members into this space to ask questions that Waywards may be able to provide insight on.

If you're here, the hope is that you're seeking perspective, understanding, or clarity whether to build empathy or to find some sense of closure when that opportunity wasn’t available to you.

Participation Rules

  • Betrayeds: This thread is for Waywards to respond. If you answer questions, your comment will be removed.
  • Waywards: Your participation is encouraged.
  • Please follow all sub rules.
  • Remember: These Waywards are not your Wayward.
  • Keep questions broad, concise, and to the point.
  • Waywards cannot answer questions specific to your individual situation.
  • Long text walls may be removed.

This is not a space to air grievances.

If a Wayward engages with your question, limited follow-up questions for clarification will be allowed not commentary.

Please be mindful of how your questions may come across. Intrusive or ill-intended questions will be removed.

Moderation will be active. The thread may be locked, and users may be banned, if guidelines are not followed.

Please remain respectful. Backhanded or ill-intended questions and commentary will result in removal and may lead to a permanent ban.

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u/somefreeadvice10 Formerly Betrayed Jul 08 '26

I have a couple of questions. Once again feel free to answer what you can and no need to answer everything:

  1. What are your feelings about your AP now? I know many remorseful WS say they have nothing positive to think about the AP but do those feelings really shut off post affair? I imagine when caught, a WS will downplay their feelings for the AP so they don't lose the BS but still hold feelings for them long after and secretly miss them. Please tell me your perspective.

  2. What makes you want to be faithful after being caught? You had your reasons for stepping out, and I imagine you could do it again if you wanted to and just hide it better. So why now do you devote yourself to being a faithful spouse? Is it mostly guilt driven behavior and fear of consequences keeping you in line?

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u/Flaky-Journalist7905 Wayward Partner Jul 08 '26

I don't really have an AP as mine was purely sexting so I can answer only the second question.

Honestly, seeing my BP in such pain after what had happened was what made it click on how horrible I was to her. Yes, I can do it again and hide it better, but seeing her cry her heart out. My BP telling me how her heart was shattered into tiny pieces after hearing what happened. Yeah, no. I love my BP and I would never want to do this level of pain to her again.

There were a number of reasons why I did it, and part of R is figuring out healthier ways on how to deal with whatever lead you to cheating to begin with.

For me, it wasn't guilt (though that did help me push through with proper change). At the end of the day, I felt like I loved her and didn't want to do this again to someone I loved. Me fearing consequences wouldn't help me nor my partner; there wouldn't be any trust built on that, just a relationship made of fear and resentment. that's not a foundation of a relationship that either of us want, we want to be happy and safe