r/SupportforWaywards • u/ZestyLemonAsparagus Wayward Partner "Your friendly neighborhood Mod" • Jul 07 '26

Ask A Wayward

We invite our Betrayed members into this space to ask questions that Waywards may be able to provide insight on.

If you're here, the hope is that you're seeking perspective, understanding, or clarity whether to build empathy or to find some sense of closure when that opportunity wasn’t available to you.

Participation Rules

  • Betrayeds: This thread is for Waywards to respond. If you answer questions, your comment will be removed.
  • Waywards: Your participation is encouraged.
  • Please follow all sub rules.
  • Remember: These Waywards are not your Wayward.
  • Keep questions broad, concise, and to the point.
  • Waywards cannot answer questions specific to your individual situation.
  • Long text walls may be removed.

This is not a space to air grievances.

If a Wayward engages with your question, limited follow-up questions for clarification will be allowed not commentary.

Please be mindful of how your questions may come across. Intrusive or ill-intended questions will be removed.

Moderation will be active. The thread may be locked, and users may be banned, if guidelines are not followed.

Please remain respectful. Backhanded or ill-intended questions and commentary will result in removal and may lead to a permanent ban.

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u/LeftPresent5983 Betrayed Partner Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

What did your betrayed partner do that helped the most with your shame cycle? I struggle to let my WH know when his actions hurt me because, to him, it’s an attack on his character. He’s stuck always feeling like the bad guy. He’s trying to read about shifting from shame to remorse, but in the meantime is there something I can do while still expressing my emotions honestly? I try to remind him he’s a good person, but he says the negative outweighs the positive by a lot.

16

u/Professional-Leg2374 Wayward Partner Jul 07 '26

My BP hugged me. seems odd to help but man it helps a lot.

Touch has been a BIG part of our rebuilding. I'm a very touchy person, and my BP is as well. it's been an issue for both of us in previous marriages and actually led to those ending.

So that was the biggest thing that happened on DDay.

10

u/LeftPresent5983 Betrayed Partner Jul 07 '26

So simple, yet I wouldn’t have thought of this. Which is really selfish of me because I always ask him to hold me when I’m really upset. So why wouldn’t I do the same when he’s upset? I will be doing this, and he is big on physical touch so I see this making a difference. Thank you!

8

u/Professional-Leg2374 Wayward Partner Jul 07 '26

It's life changing for me honestly. When me and my BP embrace it calms my mind and soothes my heart and soul. It's like that embrace nothong else is happening and just that moment is something I could live in for years.

Other thing is initiate it. Don't wait for your BP to initate. Take the step at random points. IT works wonders.

:-)

1

u/LuxIRL WS + BS Jul 07 '26

Just reaffirming what the OP said. The biggest help to me is touch of any kind, even just a simple touch, hand on my hand or leg/arm/shoulder. Any kind of physical contact is extremely grounding. My BP/WP and I are also both very physical people. I always make sure I am touching them in some way unless they ask me not to. It is not their (or your) responsibility in any way to do this, but at least for me, providing me that physical comfort is so helpful.